im married and im been unhappy for 4 almost 5 yrs i want to leave but im afraid to leave and i have 3 kids, ty

Question

is it ok to leave and be alone with 3 kids are there things out there i can do to get the help? i just want to feel better about myself and for my kids who are still young..thanks

Answer 1

Yes, there is help - talk to your family doctor - yeah, that's right: this person will know which agency in your community provides such services. I'd be careful about asking a clergyman; they rarely have the proper training and experience to be truly helpful and all too often say/do exactly the wrong thing.

Before you leave, do give some more thought to the relationship. There must've been something good about this thing at one time. Is it so far gone that it's irretrievable or is there some way - say, through marriage counselling - that it can be saved? I'm sure you realize that it's a lot harder to raise kids and make ends meet without a reasonable and responsible marriage partner. That reality is by itsself a pretty strong incentive to at least try to save the marriage.

The other thing to think about is your children. You do have a responsability to them that transcends your own needs. That's the price of being a parent: your needs HAVE TO come second to theirs. You cannot forget them when thinking of terminating the marriage. It will certainly have a profound effect upon their futures and, being children, they simply MUST depend on you and your spouse to meet their physical and emotional needs. IF you leave, you MUST ensure that it is done for THEIR sakes as much as for your own.

I had the sad experience of meeting a woman who wanted out of her marriage. Before I found out her true status, she had shown me in no uncertain terms how good she was in bed. Jeez but I was in hog heaven, wondering if she was going to wear me plumb out! Then - and it wasn't an easy task - I learned she was not only still very much married, but she had four school-aged kids! That was NOT a happy discovery! By being so stinkin' selfish, she screwed up their lives even more thoroughly than she did that to me. Being a divorced father - my kids were older, thank goodness - that really did me a number.

So: just be sure that terminating the marriage is the best path for all concerned, then go for it if you're sure you and the kids will be better off. After all, your guy may be a violent, abusive creep; I don't know. Whichever solution you choose, I wish you and your little ones all the best!

Answer 2

I can understand your fear of the unknown and knowing that not only do you have your own emotions to handle but on top of this the emotions and challenges of three young children. At the end of the day you must understand that to be a good parent to your children you yourself must be happy. You can not put 100% into your children if you are not happy within yourself and have other concerns on your mind. Your children will pick up on your unhappiness which in return will effect them in someone. You have already faced the biggest hurdle by realizing your unhappiness and how you want to feel better about yourself. As much as it may be scary and it will be hard please have faith in the fact that women all over the world have gone through or are going through what you are now and if they can do it so can you. Especially remember that I am sure that you have friends and or family that will support you, you just need to ask for help. Asking for help is not weak it means you are stronger as you have recognized you need help and ask. Financially the goverment will be able to help and although it may be a bit of a struggle isnt your happiness and the happiness of your chirlden worth gold. I wish you all the best with what ever you do. PS the internet is a tool for you to connect with other mothers in similiar situations. Use it. Communication really does help to lift the burden and clear the head as well as not feel alone.

Answer 3

With 3 kids unless there is some type of abuse or if he's cheating on you owe it to the children to find out what's making you unhappy and fix it. Are you unhappy because you're bored? Or you don't find him sexy anymore? Or you don't think you love him anymore? You need to find out what's the problem and then get help fixing it. If he's abusing you or having other women that's different and then you need to leave now. But the bottom line is when you're a parent the children's happiness and safety come first.

Answer 4

I was also in an unhappy relationship a few years ago. I had a 2 year old and no job and was scared to death to go out on my own. But, I decided that my daughter would be better off in a loving home with one parent, than in the volatile environment she was living in at the time. So, I packed up my our stuff and moved from South Carolina to Ohio where my family was and started over. I got a job making $7/hour and got us a little duplex to live in. I had to apply for assistance from the state for daycare expenses, but other than that, we made it completely on our own. Cut to 3 years later and life is fabulous. I've been promoted 3 times, I met and married the man of my dreams, and I'm living the life I've always dreamed of. Making the decision to leave was the best thing I could have done for myself and my daughter. It's very scary to set out on your own, especially with kids, but you are the only person in your life whose sole responsibility is making you happy. It's tough, but it can be done.

Answer 5

Why are you unhappy? Is it an abusive relationship, or a cold, unfeeling one?

You can make it on your own with three children, but it will be very difficult. Before you do anything, sit down and draw up a list of pros and cons about your marriage, your life, and your future. Could it be that a career change is needed? Would a new hobby or college courses help? Are you in a rut? What about your spiritual life? Could you need a new church?

Answer 6

Yes, there is help available for you. I got out of a bad relationship after 22 years of hell. I had 4 kids at home when I ended the relationship and didn't realize how much emotional damage it caused my kids until I did get out of the marriage. Talk to a pastor, go to Department of Human Services or call a women's shelter.

Answer 7

first i want to ask do he hit u ? if he do u need to get out and go to the police dept and take a warrant on him u do not need to stay with someone that is going to hit u , u have kids think about your kids first . u will be able to make it ,b/c i am separate from my husband for 3yrs now and i have two kids ages from 9 and 1and a half and i am so glad that i left him , i throught i could not do it alone without him but i am doing better since i left u just got to have faith and tell your self that u can do and show him that what men want to see that u can't do it but show him that u can and he will feel sorry then and try to come back to u but i will not go back to him if he is not making u happy ,, your kids should be happy first , b/c they hurt more then u or him do

Answer 8

Don't stay with this guy just for the kids.They can pick up on the stress in the house.Yes,there is help out there for single moms.Look in the phone book under social services.Plus,there are other men out there that will accept your kids.I know,because I've been in that situation,and I know it's hard at first,but you'll make it.Good luck.

Answer 9

Why are you so unhappy in your marriage? why do you want out? Seek counseling and help for your marriage before seeking to get out and try everything you can do to work on and save it . For you to be the best parent you need to be try to work on saving the marriage first. How does your spouse feel about all of this?

Answer 10

research local agencies to find out what resources are available
in your area to help you start your new life with the kids. understand that kids have feeling to , no matter how young or old they are your emotions and actions, are going to affect them also,
so try not to let them see your unhappiness, girlfriend get up get it together and move on with your life.