How would you support a friend who is a little depressed?

Question

I have a friend who is feeling rather down at the moment for a variety of reasons. She has just moved from California (which she loves) to Michigan, where she was raised but feels no affinity for any longer. She is living, at the moment, on the charity of her sister and is looking for a job so she can pay her way. The job search has got to that depressing stage when one has sent out no end of resumes and they keep coming back with a 'sorry, we've already hired'.

We talk regularly on IM and I call her about once a week. I really want to help her keep her spirits up but, of course things like "Cheer up, it will all work out" don't really help.

Serious suggestions, please (and praying is not an option - I do that already but she doesn't - that's the way it is :) ).

Maybe I should explain that I'm in the UK. She gets the hugs :) ... all 5000 miles of them. Unfortunately, visiting is not an option at the moment but I plan to do that in the autumn.

I am overwhelmed by all your kind and constructive answers. I've managed to thank some people individually. Those that I couldn't, please consider yourself warmly appreciated for all your practical suggestions. I shall do my best to put them all together in a package that will get my friend through the bad patch!

Answer 1

Hello there, tell your friend to walk the dog, borrow one if need be. Put a big smile on her face and stride out. it does work. People can't resist talking to a cheerful dog walker, she will meet new people daily, develop other interests and become less 'obsessed' with finding a job...then they become easier to find.
Here's a nice little rhyme to cheer your friend;

Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me to-day I started smiling too.
I passed around a corner and someone saw my grin,
when he smiled I realised I'd passed it onto him.
So if you feel a smile begin, dont leave it undetected, lets start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected.

all the best

Answer 2

it's absolutely normal that your friend should feel a little worn down after such a big change. she's paractically starting from zero. and living on someone else's charity, even if it's your sister, is not a great confidence-boost, even if it's only temporary.
She probably knows all that in her mind, too. But her heart and soul just panick with all the new things.
Tell her to write everything down at the end of each day or whenever. that way she can get it out of her system and not worry so much. she should embrace and accept the sadness for now, that makes it easier too. then encourage her to invite friends and cook them a nice dinner. she needs something to look forward to. she should try and make plans apart from her job situation that keep her alive (a course, a new language, hobbies?).
and tell her: WHAT WILL BE WILL BE! it really helps. she will find her feet, there's no doubt about that, she just needs to ride it out, let it pass and there will be more sunny days for her soon!

Answer 3

She can do computer work at her residence. I stumbled upon the website below looking through questions here on Y! Q&A. The question was re: what could the asker do to work from her home. If you do a search on questions containing that topic, you will find many more suggestions, but I thought that this website was interesting enough to save on Favorites. The answerer who supplied it said that s/he had used it previously and was very happy with it. A backup idea is to sell items on eBay.

As far as being unhappy in Michigan, I offer the following quote, which I almost put on my Y!360 Blast:
"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
Disclaimer: This does not imply any sort of Californian supremacy. (G*d forbid! lol) But it appears that she was happier in CA. If one has something to look forward to, it's easier to get excited about functioning on a daily basis and pursuing goals. Perhaps she could promise herself to move back as soon as she feels financially stable, and doing work through her computer would certainly not tie her down to Michigan; she could move wherever she likes later. Also, large cities have a wide spectrum of rent levels available. Even in the nicest neighborhoods, people rent rooms or guesthouses for ridiculously small amounts on occasion because landlording is really not the homeowner's business. So I don't think that, once an income starts coming in, she would save that much in Michigan. She would have to look though, but if it means anything to her, she will have no trouble getting herself to do that.

Answer 4

Job searches are indeed miserable. I assume she has tried monster and hotjobs. One other most people don't know about is Indeed.

Tell her to cheer up and enjoy all two weeks of the Michigan summer.

If you think it will help her giggle for a moment or two, send her that file I sent you. Same restriction: no public posting on the Internet.

Let me know if there is anything else I can do. I am a tad closer, but it ain't exactly walking distance for me either.

-Dio

Answer 5

Encourage her to look at the good things she has in her life rather than what she doesn't have. Look at her strengths rather than her weaknesses. Tell her to write a list of what worries her and cross off the things which she can do nothing about then see how many are left.

Tell her that her life is within her control and that she may have had some bad fortune but there is always something to look forward to.

She's lucky to have such a great friend : )

S
x

Answer 6

Just keep being there for her.

Maybe send her little gifts to let her know you're thinking of her.....nothing big, maybe just a little teddy bear or something else little...maybe a CD of her fave songs. She will appreciate the thought.

Maybe send her emails with little updates of what's happening where she used to live with funny stories of things that her friends have been up to.

If you can go and visit her I'm sure that will cheer her up. Hopefully she will meet new people and settle very soon.

Good luck!

Answer 7

It really seems as there are not many things that you can do.
Maybe you could make small photo album with pictures of places where you have been together, some pictures that bring happy memories and send it to her.
And try to send her an e - mail every day. Tell her that nth comes by itself, if she wants to find a job, she has to be persistent, and hold on.
If we look long enough ther is nth we cannot find!

Answer 8

just knowing you are there for her is enough but how about sending her flowers to bring a smile to her face or sending a card with words of encouragement,if you don't live far how about a surprise visit and take her on a picnic,do something together that you know she enjoys,
getting her out and doing something fun can lift her spirits if only for a short while,i have suffered depression and it does take alot to start feeling better but just to know that someone is willing to listen and show they care can make all the difference,you sound like a really cool person,she's lucky to have you in her life. good luck .

Answer 9

You can't do much my friend, I've just been classed as disabled because of my depression and I can promise you that the odd friendly word or just knowing someone is there is enough. Other than that the only people that can help are the medical profession. If your friend is only slightly depressed vitamin B complex will help her, it sounds mild but it works better than Prozac.

Owlwings, I just want to say thanks for the lovely things you say on my questions, I always look forward to your Q&A.

Answer 10

What are her strengths? What are her skills?
Maybe she's good at writing? or sewing? or taking care of people? or cooking?
Let her exploit these as an independent entrepreneur, maybe she'll make a lot of money on her own rather than working for someone else?

Wish you and her all the best...... and a hug to both of you!
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