My sis 2 yrs younger than I, always with a man, then WHAMMMM, She is with a woman. I believe that i am open-minded, I think I'm okay with it, I'm jealous cuz, my sister is in a new relationship and I feel I have lost my sis. It has been a few months now, I cant believe she is still (Pussy whipped). Is this normal the way i feel? How do i tell my sis that i miss her? Her lover is cool we get along good, My sister is very happy.
2006-06-12 17:38:28 · 16 answers · asked by Little Girl 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hi there!
When I was 16-17, I came out to my family. They immediately told me it was a phase, that I was trying to get attention, etc. . . At that point in my life, nothing was really " curling my toes" so to speak, so I figured hey, I'll take the course of least resistance. If I am not going to be happy anyway, at least my family would be ok with the decisions that I made. .. .
Fast Forward 11 years. By this point, I've gotten married and divorced, dated a lot, and the whole time had fun little "flings" because who was it hurting?
Well, all of a sudden, I met someone who DID do all those things for me. .. . that alleviated the panic I felt when I thought about my future. Did I know all the answers? Of course not, but I did know who I would be with. All of a sudden, I realized what making love was all about, what true intimacy was.
And I don't want to be away from my partner- which doesn't make me *****-whipped, just that everything is more complete with her.
A question for you: Do you need time alone with your sister? Or are you cool with hanging out with her girlfriend, too?
When you're in a relationship, it gets harder to be spontaneous, but your sister probably doesn't even realize that you feel like you're being shut out. Make plans with her ahead of time. You can ask if you can have a sisters night, or whatever.
Does your sister know that you are completely accepting? That its ok for her and her lover to be themselves around you? My partner and I love to be around other folks, but not unless we can be comfortable expressing ourselves around each other. ( Try going back to calling someone by their first name when you only ever call them " honey" or "babe".
When siblings enter different life phases, it can be tough, but this is a chance to let your friendship with her grow, too.
Best of luck to you, and I'm sure your sister feels very lucky to have you.
2006-06-13 06:07:20 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa'sGurl 2 · 10⤊ 1⤋
The way you feel is normal. You are confused, and you do not understand this sudden "change" in your sister and you think this makes you two very different and you think it has created a distance between the two of you. However, while these feelings may be normal, they are not entirely accurate. You need to simply understand the fact that this is her life and it is what makes her happy. She probably struggled with understanding this in herself for a time before doing anything about it. But you should be honest with her. You are confused, but you want to and are willing to understand, and you are afraid this has put a rift between the two of you. It hasn't. She is still your sister. She still loves you like you love her. And although she might be a little taken aback by the fact that you don't understand, stress that you are trying to understand and that you want to understand. But advice from me would be that you have to understand (yourself) that there is no change. She is your sister, you two still have the same relationship, it's just that she has a different partner. Treat it like you would had she gotten a new boyfriend. Still, your priorities are in the right place. You are looking to understand, and you are glad that your sister is happy. You'll be ok. I hope some of this helped, but if it is not the approach for you, don't use it.
2006-06-13 08:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by shinooniisan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went from straight to lesbian. I feel that girls know what other girls what, better than any guy can. I also feel that girls can relate to other females more easily. Same sex relationships can be difficult because there are no traditional roles. If you miss your sister, you should tell her. Maybe shes just preoccupied with her woman, cause a woman can be more demanding than any man. Im happy that you accept her and that her girlfriend is cool, if the relationships are all stable you can always hang out together.
2006-06-13 05:25:43 · answer #3 · answered by got_mulan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a number of reasons your sister could have become involved with another woman. The first is she is merely exploring or trying new things. The second is maybe your sister is gay or bi sexual and has finally come to terms with it. There are lots of other hypothetical reasons but what they boil down to is if your sister's happy let it be, and be supportive of her. The feeling of loss you describe is normal whether or sibling is in a straight or gay relationship. It sounds like you might want to have an open discussion with you sister and let her know that you enjoy spending time with her and that you miss her. Chances are your sister will be happy to oblige.
if you feel you need more support here is a link to PFLAG's site, and organization that among other things helps families deal with a member coming out of the closet:
http://www.pflag.org/
2006-06-13 04:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by sooziebeaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-girlfriend had the same problem when her and I were dating. Her sister became extremely jealous because she felt the same way you do. But there's no need for you to be jealous, you two as sisters will hold a bond that a lesbian couple will never share. Lesbians are not trying to be like sisters, they are more intimate (meaning sexually), and the nature of their relationship is completely different. You have nothing to worry about, because when your sister needs advise, especially in the relationship department, she's going to want to turn to you because you're her sister, and she will need you like you need her.
2006-06-13 16:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by graciefaith1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support your sister. She's finally being honest with herself. I spent many years "dating" girls. I knew my heart was never in them, but I had a facade to maintain. There were whispers that I was gay here and there, but having a girlfriend kept such things at bay. It was my way of hiding. The alternative to being out at the time was to suffer God only knows what physical abuse from my peers at school (I had seen what they were capable of already). You certainly haven't lost your sister. You're now seeing more of who she really is deep down. You're privileged that she trusts you enough to let you in on this aspect of her life. She hasn't changed. She's still the same sister you've always had, she's just letting you see the real her. Again, give her your love and support, or at least love and acceptance, and she'll love you all the more for it. That's all any of us really want from our loved ones.
2006-06-13 00:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by sailordelta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think that your sister is happy and that you love her as her sister, I don't see why you should feel jealous about it. Instead, I think that your happiness should rely upon your sister's happiness. Also, you should try to get along her new lover and adjust with this change and you'll see that with time that all will become OK.
2006-06-13 02:18:51 · answer #7 · answered by trikeitan16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister is happy with this woman then you need to be understanding and just love her anyway. She will always be your sister. Just tell her how you feel and just talk to her. Just be there for her and listen when she needs someone to talk to about what is going on with her life.
2006-06-13 00:55:50 · answer #8 · answered by Susan S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you miss your sister, then schedule some time to spend with her. I don't see how being cranky about her sexual orientation is going to solve the problem of you not spending enough time with her.
Tell your sis that you miss her and want to spend more time together, sans her girlfriend or with her.
2006-06-13 12:01:24 · answer #9 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe someone came along and all the answers she was looking for in a partner, and it just happened to be a woman. love her regardless she is still your sister. invite them to your house for dinner, ask them to lunch, let your sister know you miss spending time with her. she'll totally understand. just let her know you're not trying to come between the two of them , just that you'd like to spend some time with her like you use to, if you in fact did spend time together. just went through the same thing with a family member.. they understand.
2006-06-13 00:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by silly girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋