I quit drinking after my husband left me, he hit me when he got drunk, and he still does, how do I move on?

Question

I've gotten some really good answers on this matter and I just feel like I need to help my husband, whom I love more than life. But he won't quit the drinking and we are still sleeping together when he comes around and tells me he misses me and loves me, and we miss him alot, he's great when he's sober, but I don't know if he will ever change. But isn't that what marriage is about? Support through the worst times too? But I am afraid for me and my children. What do I do? Try to help or just try to move on?

Answer 1

Stacy,

I answered your last question because it appeared you wanted to know how to move on but this question is now about not moving on and instead trying to help your husband with his drinking problem. My answer to this will be short and to the point ... you cant. Unless he wants help and is willing to make the sacrifices to stop drinking and change his life he will never stop and things will only get worse with time.

Answer 2

your children should be the most important thing in your life right now...yes, marriage is all about sticking together through the hard times but there is only so much you can do for one person...they also have to be willing to help themselves...what would your children do if your husband went too far with the hitting one night and you were no longer around...tell him that if things don't change, he has to stay away...if he loves you and your children, he will stop drinking so much and take care of you guys.

Answer 3

I know your story....lived it. Very hard decision I know, I made it. I know all the lies, all the deception, all the baby I promise it will be different this time......So I know how you feel and the truth is this, you cannot change him....and until you leave and completely cut all ties.....you can't help him. Alcoholics need to hit the bottom, each bottom is different. If you really want to help him, quit being his enabler, because whether you like hearing it or not that is exactly what you are doing...enabling him....I can tell you this because I was too. I lied for him, covered up for him and made excuses for him....that isn't going to help anyone.

I left my ex of 18 yrs got a restraining order so he couldn't come near me, left the state, etc.....and recently we have talked about our relationship and we BOTH agree that it was the best thing for BOTH of us....It is called tough love, help him by moving on.

Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk.....I truly do know what you are going through. God Bless.

Answer 4

At least he is getting what he wants . Stop it ! You can't help someone that doesn't want help, There is nothing you can do to change him.
Letting him do what he wants is not helping at all. And it isn't doing you any good. Marriage is about two people working on things not one. I say move on till he gets help.
Not unless you want to be like this the rest of your life. By the way if he hit you once it will happen again .

Answer 5

I was raised in an Alcoholic Dysfunctional relationship where my Dad beat my Mom and us too. I always wished that she would have left him, and I hate him (even though he is dead) to this day. I was raised during a time where divorce was rare, and support for single parents was limited, but today there are a lot more facilities for you to get help from. I am sorry to say this to you, but your feelings for love for this alcoholic abusive man are misplaced and your kids come first as they will (and probably have been already) damaged by your persistence in this dead end situation. My advice is Run, don't walk to the nearest exit, or your children could come to resent you for the rest of their lives and be permanently damaged by your need to stay in this dysfunctional Co-dependant relationship.

Answer 6

Press charges , this will attempt to make him get help. Find a safe house in your area if you are scared for your life. Your children are a witness to this, it will come back to haunt you. Domestic Violence is learned and can be carried on for generations. Next Find a support group in your area. You are sending him mixed messages by sleeping with him. Good Luck and Stay Strong if not for you then you children.

Answer 7

Honey if he hits you when he drinks then move on it will never change . While your children are young it won,t effect them as much ,but if you wait until they are older it can cause them to end up having problems also. If you truly love him ,tell him to get him self some help with his drinking and to prove to you for one year that he has really stoped then maybe you and him can restore your relationship,but until then he on his own. good luck

Answer 8

Love is based on ltrust, not intimidation.

It's up to you if you want to stay around that situation.

You can't get someone to quit drinking, they have to want to stop.

Move on! He can't be helped. Never let anyone hit you.

You have two problem: (1) the drinking and (2) the violence.

Both of you need counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 9

well i have this friend and they were marrid but he shot him self bec he went and hit the lady and! bec he felt so bad for what he did. if i was u i would try to talk to him and try to make him now how u feel and how bad it hurts u when he does that but that's just me lol it's up to u but if he goes and starts hitting the kids then u need to tell him it is over or call the cops!! im sory but that's bad.

Answer 10

trust me on this one iv been threw it he wont change. you cant help your husband cause he dont want to change, you say when he comes around you all still sleep togather, this is called CONTROL!!!!! a marriage is built on trust and love and honesty you cant help him, move on and get your babys out of that situation, you cant support him if he is abusing you and your kids!!! if you are afraid in any way get out!!!!!!! he has to help himself you cant help him..good luck and plzzzzzzz leave him befor its to late!!!!!!