What can parents do to help children reach their potential in school?

Question

We're all hearing a lot of talk lately about improving public schools and what communities can do to help their schools get better. What role can parents play? And how can parents help their children reach their full potential in school, whether it's public or not?

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Marilyn vos Savant:
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Answer 1

Checks and Balances in Education vs. Parental Abstinence


Education is definitely a community effort. When I say community, I mean it takes equal committment from the school, from the student and from the parent. We all have our roles. If one slips, the other two are there to pick them back up again. It is very simliar to the "Checks and Balances" system of our own government.

But do all view it this way? Unfortunately not. Because our roles as teachers, parents and students are abstractly defined, there are no "guidelines" for checking and balancing. It must come from within, and unfortunately not everyone is programmed to do so.

I have taught school for over 20 years. In that amount of time I have seen trends come and go. I have seen students that were highly motivated and I have taught students who barely understood what education was about. I have seen students such as this also blossom right before your very eyes. And that happens when the 3 way "community" of school, parents and students all work in harmony.

So what can parents do to help their children reach their full potential in school?

1) They must make sure their child feels loved.

Sounds simple right? Easy one!! (you would think) But often times the brightest of children will not work up to their potential because they feel they don't matter to anyone. Each and every child was brought into this world by two parents that not only have the responsibility but the OPPORTUNITY to love a being in a way that will make that child feel as though they are important. When they feel important and worthy.......they succeed in order to keep feeling their worth. Always love your child!

2) Establish boundaries from day one of your child's life.

I've often said, if you can hang in there and be the major "law enforcer" for the first 4 years of your child's life, you will seriously feel you are on auto pilot as they cruise through the school years. Ok sure you've heard over and over again that kids need and crave boundaries. Yes. But that does not mean they are going to ask for them. Are they stupid?? So they expect us as parents to create them.........but not too late. You have to do this early to set the moral standards and values you hope will guide your child as they make to aduthood. When your child enters kindergarten and hears their teacher saying the same things that you've been teaching them during the first years of their life, imagine the connection they make!! "My Mommy and Daddy are right!" You win credibility with them. They trust and rely that what you say is right. When they see that their teacher feels the say way..........He or she also wins credibility. "She is just like my mommy!" This is when community works. Student trusts teacher / teacher substantiates parents / parent relies and trust in teacher. This leads us to the third item on our list.........

3) Keep the lines of communication open with your child and with your child's teacher.

When your student hears the teacher confirm what you have already taught him, he comes home and tells you. And that keeps lines of communication open with your child. Establish "talking time" each night at the dinner table, at bed time, or after homework. Whatever is best for you. But to "deprogram" after the school day is an important step for your child. It keeps you informed and it lets your child know you are interested in him. It also sends a message out to the child that this is something important.........worthy.....necessary....crutial! But your parental communication shouldn't just stop with the child. Teachers MUST show responsibility by communicating isses with the parents and parents with the teachers. This is why parent / teacher conferences are so imperative. Explain to the teacher how your child operates. Help her/him to get to know your child. And listen to what your teacher tells you about your child's behavior in the classroom. Be open to the fact that children behave differently at school than at home. Don't be close minded and never say "My child would never!" Parent/teacher/student conferences are now becoming very popular. There is not "Middle man" delivering information. The child knows that what his parents know his teacher will also know and vice versa. Students have a chance to explain things before everyone as do parents and teachers without misinterpretation from the "middle man" of heresay. Parents.....be open to this idea. It will do so much for your child!

4) Hold your child accountable.

In truth......everyone should be held accountable. Teachers have the role of providing knowledge and various means by which to grasp this information. They must provide methods and purpose and motivational means which will help students learn. Students must accept the responsibilites and be held accountable for completing assignments and tasks expected of them. Parents must provide their children with means in order to do this. Parents can not over program their children and then expect them to still have the time and energy to be a 'student.'


The main point is that our parents, teachers and students must work as a team. Parents must stay involved. This holds teacher and students accountable. Teachers must keep everyone informed. This enables parents to know when to confront their children with praise or motivation. Students must put forth full effort enabling parents and teachers to see that they can indeed reach their full potential once they feel loved and worthy.

Parents are the key. Afterall........without you.......where are the children?

Answer 2

Parents can start by showing an interest in their child's/children's school activities. They should keep up to date with their studies and make a point to meet with the teacher(s) if the parent thinks their child could or should be doing better.

Parents also need to make sure that their children realize school is not a bothersome chore and is not only a privilege, but a priority as well. A child should do their homework under a parent's supervision if possible. It would also be helpful if parents also studied up on whatever their children are learning in school. That would make it easier for parents to help children that may have questions or problems with their assignments.

I believe it would also help if parents are staying on top of their children's studies, and showing the student how their studies may apply to the "real" world. If parents can't think of a way to apply their children's studies to the "real" world, the parents can always ask the child "what if" questions about their homework. Examples could be :"What if the Emancipation Proclamation never existed?" "what if plants didn't have chlorophyll?", and etc.

Parents should also show an interest in reading and make sure that their children read every day, especially during time off from school to help the child's mind stay sharp and maybe even get a head start on the upcoming school year or term. Parents should introduce their child to reading from a young age and instill in their children that reading is fun and that through reading, not only can one learn, but they can use their imaginations and visit other times, places, and etc.

It may also be good if parents satisfy their child's curiosity. If a child asks a question, the question shouldn't be brushed off. If it's not a good time or if the parent doesn't know how to answer the question, the parent should tell the child that the question was a good one but it's a bad time to answer it. The parent should assure the child that they'll answer the question later that day. And then, make sure they discuss the question with their child later.
If a parent doesn't know the answer to a question, the parent could also be honest and tell the child they don't know the answer and then help the child research the information to answer the question.

If a child is having a hard time with school, the parents need to find out why and then deal with the problem.

No matter what, parents should encourage their child with their studies and be a good example for their children as well.

Answer 3

For parents to get truly involved in their child's life what they should do is spend an hour or two every night helping their children with their homework. When the homework is done and there is still time in that space of time that was set aside for homework help them with their writing and spelling for the rest of that time. Find a way to make it more of a game then time sitting in a chair and writing page after page. Children love games and there are many different ways that you can reach you child. Get their friends involved if they have a friend over get the friend involved that way you do not lose that time that was original time that was already planned. This is a way that parents and children can get involved together and both have a good time. Also by parents getting involved with the school the child will see that where they are and what they do really mean something to the parents. The parents should keep in touch with the child's teachers and get updates so that they stay involved. When the child does well on a test give them a small reward like a dollar or if they ace their report card maybe a small toy or a small amount of money. If you give them money make that another type of learning experience and show them how to save it and what can come from saving the money. Again there are so many ways that parents can make almost everything a learning experience that the child will enjoy.

Answer 4

The most important thing a parent can do is be involved and reinforce what the child is learning in school. Repetition is the best way for anyone to learn and if the child is only hearing a certain topic at school, there's a good chance that by the time they get home, they will forget what they've learned. Parent's need to realize that teachers can only do so much. It takes a community to raise a child and the parent's have to be in on the deal as well. Due to the busy nature of our lives these days, too many parent's feel that the schools and the teachers have the sole responsibility for teaching their children. And when they fail, they place the blame on the schools. They never look at what they could have done to help out. Parent's need to take an active interest. Go to parent/teacher conferences, talk to your child's teacher BEFORE there's a problem. Get progress reports. Build a repoire with your child's teacher so that the teacher is assured that any points that are brought up are actually being heeded at home. And talk to your child about what they learned that day. Don't just assume that they have learned something because they were there; ask details!

Answer 5

Parent's need to realize that teachers can only do so much. It takes a community to raise a child and the parent's have to be in on the deal as well. Due to the busy nature of our lives these days, too many parent's feel that the schools and the teachers have the sole responsibility for teaching their children. And when they fail, they place the blame on the schools. They never look at what they could have done to help out. Parent's need to take an active interest. Go to parent/teacher conferences, talk to your child's teacher BEFORE there's a problem. Get progress reports. Build a repoire with your child's teacher so that the teacher is assured that any points that are brought up are actually being heeded at home. And talk to your child about what they learned that day. Don't just assume that they have learned something because they were there; ask details!I think that teachers should become more involved, some gifted children are often over-looked because they might be quiet or withdrawn. When I was twelve, I read every single adult book I could get my hands on, including "War and Peace," Shakespeare, and all the Tom Clancy books. I think public schools should have smaller classes, and they should have more art classes (writing classes, piano lessons, etc.) because it will help the child release some of his or her energy.

Answer 6

Make education seven days a week, twelve months a year. Learning isn't always filling out a worksheet, or writing multiplication tables over and over. It's reading a newspaper or magazine article, and talking about the author's feelings or arguments. It's noticing what the construction company is doing to build the new building downtown. It's going to the farmer's market, and then measuring, preparing and cooking dinner.
Too many parents just assume that if they send their kids to school, they'll be educated correctly. Sadly, this is not a guarantee. The teacher has many students, as does the school. They do not have the time or ability to personally oversee and guarantee that each child is getting the correct education level for that child. An average child that progresses through the curriculum at the rate of the class will get very little attention as to their needs from a teacher, but a parent can know whether the child has abilities that can be cultivated further and encourage their child with supplemental education.

Answer 7

As simple as it sounds, a reward system may due the trick. For instance, $10 is a lot to most young children. When I was a child, I earned $10 for every A on my report cards from my uncle. It gave me something to work towards. However, at the same time, my mother was always supportive of me, no matter what the grade. As a result, when a subject was hard, it did not make things stressful. I would try my hardest to get a $10 grade, but I knew that my mother would understand if a class was just too difficult. It was also important that my family made sure that I did my homework each night. I had to finish my homework before I could watch television. Instilling these disciplines in children at an early age is the most important thing. And while $10 might not work for all children, a parent should know what is a good motivator for their child. If they do not know that, then they need to spend more time with their children before they can expect them to do well in school. Finally, it is important that a child realizes that hard work in school pays off in the long run. My mother did not attend college, and has basically had the same job since before I was born. And she has hated it that long also. She constantly told me that in order to have a good, happy life, a person must work hard in school. There is definitely a correlation between working hard in school and being successful out of school.

Answer 8

Hi, Marilyn, I really admire your intelligence and you are a great role model for young girls everywhere. I'm 23, and when I was little I had a lot of health problems and my parents sort of ignored how smart I was. I remember I took an IQ test in high school and it was above normal; but still, my parents did not do anything to help me, because I was sick a lot, and they thought that meant I couldn't learn anything.

I think a child's environment has a lot to do with how the child learns...if a child has a positive environment, then the child will be more happy and he will excel in school. If a parent ignores their child's gifts, and is neglectful of the child, then the child will lose the gift and will become unproductive/destructive.

BOTH of the parents should be involved in the child's learning, not just one of them. Both parents need to go to their parent teacher's conference to see how far they've come. Praise the child when he get good grades, and try to help him when he is not doing well. If a child is not doing well, he/she may be having problems at school, or even a disability.

I think that teachers should become more involved, some gifted children are often over-looked because they might be quiet or withdrawn. When I was twelve, I read every single adult book I could get my hands on, including "War and Peace," Shakespeare, and all the Tom Clancy books. I think public schools should have smaller classes, and they should have more art classes (writing classes, piano lessons, etc.) because it will help the child release some of his or her energy.

If a child wants to learn something that the parent is against (for example, if he wants to become an artist instead of a lawyer), the parent should encourage him anyway. Having a career that makes the child happy is more important than being rich. If more people were able to learn what made them happy, and if they realized that money is not everything, maybe the world would be much more peaceful and not in so much turmoil.

Answer 9

A child will duplicate what he or she sees so involvement and leading by example is so crucial. With the time constraints placed on families these days it may seem difficult to get involved at a very direct level, however, people would be amazed to find just how much time is wasted.

The best thing to do would be to set aside some time everyday where you sit down with your child and go through their homework with them. Take an actual, honest interest in what they're learning, because chances are (how long has it been since you were in school?) you could use a refresher course yourself. You are interested, and the child becomes interested.

Can't find the time? I garuntee that if most families canceled their cable service they would have more time than they knew what to do with. If you're telling your child to do their homework while you're on the couch across from the TV, where do you think their interest will be? Getting done as soon as possible to see what's so interesting on the tube.

Children are simply very little people that share almost everything else in common with adults. There is very little separation between the two except what the adult community generates. Children are magnificent. They know nothing of impossibility. If they feel like they can do something they likely will no matter how daunting the task. The key is to have the faith in them that anything is possible, let them know you feel that way and to take an active role in helping them acheive all that is possible.

As far as school improvement is concerned, if as many people that paid the schools' taxes attended the elections for officials and public budget commities, there wouldn't be a problem. Things in the schools are allowed to happen the way they do because of the parents' simple ignorance on the issues at hand.

For instance... there were about three jobs recently created on the school board in one of my local districts. Each of them were worth a 6-figure annual income. That's multiple six-figures being removed from the schools' spending budget. Don't you think that money would have done so much better being allocated to something else? Had the parents of those students taken an active interest in what was happening many things would have been possible. Finding the time is key. Parents must give something up for now so that the future will be even better.

Answer 10

"What role can parents play?" It's hard to believe we have actually gotten so dependent on schools that we ask this. Education is the RESPONSIBILITY of the parents and child, not just something that they can have a "role" in. When you send the child to school, you are designating the school and teacher with educational tasks toward the educational goal, but responsibility still resides with the parents and child.

When you contract out other responsibilities, you oversee the contractor. You make sure when you are having a house built that it is being built according to your desires and requirements. You often recognize that the builder may know more than you do about specifics and technical issues, but you judge how the work is being done, you make sure that it is being done in a timely manner, you make sure it is being done correctly, and, if the builder is not doing it correctly, you fire the builder.

Likewise, you examine the curriculum, your child's progress through it, your child's interest in subjects, your child's FULL educational experience. You make sure that the teacher is teaching your child. If the teacher is trying, but your student is not responding, you should realize there is a problem before a teacher brings it up. It is your responsibility to supplement what the teacher is doing with what your child needs.

Too many parents just assume that if they send their kids to school, they'll be educated correctly. Sadly, this is not a guarantee. The teacher has many students, as does the school. They do not have the time or ability to personally oversee and guarantee that each child is getting the correct education level for that child. An average child that progresses through the curriculum at the rate of the class will get very little attention as to their needs from a teacher, but a parent can know whether the child has abilities that can be cultivated further and encourage their child with supplemental education.

Education is the responsibility of the parents and child working together as a team. The teacher and school have the role of educational consultant hired to provide experienced educational assistance to the parent-child team. When the teacher is assumed to be the one responsible for educating the child, we get the mediocre system in place today.

In other words, stop asking if the child is satisfying school requirements and start asking if the school, in conjunction with other education supplied by parents, tutors, self-driven interests, etc, are satisfying the goals of making the child all that they can be and cultivating abilities and interests in the child. The child does not serve the diploma; the diploma serves the child.

Answer 11

The answer to both these questions starts out the same: parents should get involved with their children and play a more active role in the schools. Too often parents leave the "raising" of their children to the schools and community instead of taking responsibility for their own children. This needs to stop. The parents should keep in contact with the teachers, help the children with their homework, and attend school board meetings. Above all, the parent needs to give positive reinforcement to their children for the small victories, instead of focusing mainly on the setbacks.
The parents also need to realize that all children are different and learn at different rates. What may be easy for one child is hard for one of their other children. This does not mean that one child is smarter than the other or that one child does not require time and attention because they have an easier time with school work. This simply means that the way in which you help the children is different.
While technology is wonderful, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. The children of today have a lack of imagination when it comes to playing. The parents have the ability to make changes in this area as well. They can limit the time spent watching T.V., playing video games, and surfing the internet. Take the children away from the couch and back outside.