My wife wants to go to the bar and knows how i feel about em. what should i do?

Question

My wife doesnt understand that i dont like bars, i have every reasons in the world not to like em We've been together 7 years & she's always know that (i have even tried it with her 3 times & told her how i felt) She has a gf that all this time has been beggin her to join her to go dancing and drinking (this friend is verry permiscuous) I have asked her (my wife) that she tell her how i feel & she says she has. Last week my wife gave in to it & "Promised" her she'd go out dancing, & says that i too am invited but knows that i wount go so i'd be required to care for our child while she is out this "canada day". I told her that i find this disrespectfull to me & our relationship & that i would not assist her going clubbing (by watching our baby) & she states that i am now controlling her. i have asked that instead we go do something else like a movie but she wont. I dont know what to do i will be offended & hurt if she goes so i ask for your Opinion & advice. only serious replies plz

I know that she needs time away and needs time to have fun. I would love for her to go out with her friends sl*ty or not.

My reason for my feelings are do to loss (deaths) do to the bar seen. Violence, and deception that comes with alot of the bar/club sceen. We wish to do things together and apart
its just about the bar/night club that i cant apreciate. and she wont comprimise on

please edit your answers acording to the aditional info

i had decided that all in all it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try but after a few days i was told that i am no longer invited because now her friend says that its a girls night out and either way i would probebly get into some sort of fight if some guy tries to grope her and she doesnt want me getting into trouble so therefore i am not welcome to be there.

Answer 1

honestly i know how u feel, but trying to "control" the situation, that iswhat u r doing, will only make mattersworse, shewill go into further rebellion, and things in the marriage will go down hill. part of Love is free and what holds it together is trust (and God) but if you don't have either of these it will never last. you need to let her do her thing( not saying im choosing sides) but if you let love go and its true love it will come back. if you smother and squeeze it, it will flee from you. as hard as it is, you need to give her what she needs (space and freedom) she is in the wrong ( married people do not belong at BARS). LET GO OF THE REIGNS bite your tongue, and tell her go ahead (just pray when shes out that she will come to realize its not the place to be. good luck

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with your wife going out once in a while for a girl's night out. If she is doing it all the time thats another thing. Just because you don't like bars doesn't mean she should never step foot in one, either. As much as you don't like bars, if you are concerned about her then go out with her dancing. You have to make some compromises when there are things that each of you prefers to do that the other one doesn't.
Your wife should respect your relationship and make an effort to go out and do things with you and your baby. Talk to your wife and be honest with her - that you are concerned when she goes out. Try to do things with her - you can go places where there is dinner and dancing, places that may serve alcohol but that aren't bars. If you still can't come to an agreement you should both get into marriage counseling. A counselor will work as a mediator and help work through the issues that you are having.

Answer 3

ok the thing is that i suppose u and ur wife are totally opposite each other... it doesn't mean that u don't like clubbing she should too... try to be more understanding... if she wants to go out clubbing let her, u can go see a ball game or something the next weekend or the same nite she goes out and find a babysitter for ur child.. u have to think logically and not like a male.. "Do u go place and do things that ur wife doesn't like." Do u hang out with ur mates while shes home looking after ur child and doing the housework." Is she sometime alone at home, while ur out." well if u answer yes to any of the above then i suppose ur wife needs a little time out... it doesnt mean that she's going without u she being disrespectful or disloyal, she just going to have a little bit of fun,dancing, that all.. its not like she will find find some one else the same nite... u need to trust her more, show her that u love her and yes allow her to go clubbing... if u dont let her go then she might start feeling trapped and alone and i bet this will be the start of ur martial problems. Be more Trusting....

Answer 4

I am a partyer and my fiance hates it he too tried a couple times and couldn't enjoy it so i stopped and lost all my friends. I think that if you trust her you shouldn't care as long as she also keeps it limited and doesn't make it an everyday thing. She married you for a reason and I don't think she's going to go out and ruin what she has. Also whether you like it or not you should try to join her i mean if it was something you really like I'm sure she'd be by your side. If you take her out every once in a while then maybe she'll start to get bored and not want to go. Or maybe you'll sart to enjoy the time you to have to go out and enjoy each other! good luck!

Answer 5

You have been with your wife for 7 years now the question is do u trust her? If u do u should let her go because she will start to question your trust for her. And her friend will say something to start making her question your trust just let her go and just explain to her that your not going to let it happen all the time because it is unfair to you and your family life. Relax if you do that she will most likely feel so guilty that she will come home early. And don't bring to much in to it because if your fighting about it her friend knows about it and she will bring up how she watched the kids so that you could go and do something like golf a game or etc.

Answer 6

She's ur wife not ur child. If she wants to hangout with her friend or friends at a bar just as a girlsnight thing then she should, just because u don't like bars doesn't mean she doesn't have to like them, And if u trust and love her u shouldn't try to make her feel as if she can't go ( as if she's a child being told not to hangout with friends u don't like) it's up to her, I'm sure there are things she doesn't like that u do and she may or may not try to keep u from doing it.

This friend of hers u don't like well, thats ur problem, ur wife not ur wife Im sure she's not twisting your wife's arm to do anything ( but it sounds like ur the one who's twisting ur wife's arm)

U sound like ur controlling and using whatever it takes( thats not fair)

If u love and trust her then u shouldn't have a problem with her going out because u know she's not going to cross the line or do anything thats gonna hurt your marriage or relationship.

So u need to try hard and be more trusting

Answer 7

It sounds like there may be some trust issues going on between you and your wife. Perhaps more insecurities going on with yourself.

To be fair, your wife probably should respect your wishes. However, there's nothing wrong with your wife hanging out with the girls and having a good time. If you trust your wife, and hopefully you'll stop comparing her to her friend...you could probably come to some type of agreement. Allow her to go out, and enjoy herself. Having friend(s) to hang out with, and having an outlet to release tense, or just have time to yourself can be good for your relationship. AS long as it's done respectfully.

You have expressed you don't care for bars..That's your preference. However, I feel you and your wife should come to some type of agreement. Perhaps go to some place to together, dance, and enjoy each other.

Answer 8

Clubs and bars are designed for people to hook up. Its your choice not to go, but if you don't realize the situation that your wife is in and also realize that when drinking is involved correct decisions are not always made.

Your wife will always want to go out to these places, you should make an effort to be the one she is out with.

Answer 9

She is your wife and you need to trust her. Has she ever gave you a reason not to? If the answer is no I feel like you should let her unwind with her friend. If she is a rspect+
ful woman she will make the right judgement if her friend starts acting like a whore. Let her know not to make it a habit and trust her this one time. She will love you for it! Sometimes woman have to feel like a man has to trust them. I'm sure she trusts you. Remember... no trust, no us. Good luck and give the girl a break!

Answer 10

She needs to respect your feelings as your wife. Relationships do not go well when one partner likes to party and the other doesnt. you need to have a serious conversation with her and let her know that this is something you feel strongly about and if she does still go she will be disrespecting you and if she does go, you need to rethink your relationship.