How do you talk to your family about possibly getting married but they insist you wait?

Question

I was just wondering how do you get past a family who thinks you should wait to get married because of a bad relationship history? My bf and I have been dating 4 months and We've known each other for about 7 months. However, since our first date I have felt like I have never before and he is the type of person who inspires me to grow in positive ways and we really feel like we are meant for each other. It was never "oh I kinda like him or I can kinda see myself with him." It was I CAN see myself with him for the rest of my life. Would you marry because you two love each other and thats what counts? Should it matter what family thinks? Not everyone feels this way but I dont want people to not accept us should we decide to marry.

I thought Id add that Im almost 23 and hes almost 28. I have a son whos almost 1 year old and I hold a part time job while trying to finish my associates degree.

Answer 1

I can see two good ways to start here: 1) make sure you have learned lessons about what to do better next time around from each of the bad relationships you've had before; 2) think about the concrete lessons you are learning from this relationship.

Experience and observation lead me to believe that the kind of time frame you speak of for having known/been seeing each other might be enough for someone considerably over 20, more probably over 30, who has a very solid idea of their values, what they want in a relationship, what sort of person they are looking for, etc. and has also figured out in detail what the other person's views on these matters are.

There is also the matter that marriage requires a great deal of planning. Many people choose to stay platonic until they've talked through all the details, to make sure they agree about all the important stuff, and save romance for after engagement or marriage. This way they spare themselves heartbreak if the results of the discussions are less-than-favorable.

I think for the time being with family it would be good to talk not necessarily about *your* relationship in particular. Go to your parents with an attitude of learning from them and say, 'I want to think sensibly about my future, I'd like to hear your experiences, etc. on what works in a relationship, a marriage, what is good to look for in a partner, what needs to be talked about and planned in advance, etc.'

All that having been said, at a certain point the time comes to leave father and mother, cleave to your husband and become one with him. This is in fact the Bible's definition of marriage.(1) At that point, you are obligated to put each other before everyone except God, and that will be the answer to your question 'Should it matter what family thinks?'

May God bless you as you consider your way

Answer 2

Family usually can see things that you cannot... It sucks to hear while you are in the moment, but when you look back on it, it is worth it.

If you are not going to college, wait till you graduate High School and have a steady job (make sure your mate does too).

If you are going to college, wait till you graduate college and get a steady job.

I wanted to get married in high school, but it didnt work out for me and I am SO thankful for that. The guys I dated in the past could not provide for me what I need and want. I graduated in Dec from college, bought a house in April, have a savings account and I am marrying a guy who cares deeply for me in September.

Also, boys NEED some time to grow up and fall in love.. that takes time... A good book to read is "for women only".... I would highly recommend it.... Really loving a guy and meeting his needs is a full time job...

Hope that helps...

Answer 3

people are going to try to tell u when u ready and why u are not but only you and him knows. if yall really love each other and ready without a doubt, go for it. u cant please them, u got to do what makes u happy not them. when me and my husband got married his mom thought it was too soon, but we didnt care we went head cause we knew we really loved each other and was ready. we are happily married and doing good. now she says oh i know u two really love each other. u got to show them, especially if u really love each other.