I am married but in love with someone else. I've been married a long time and feel guilty leaving him.?

Question

Because we have been together since High School. I want to be with this other guy so much it hurts...what should I do?

Answer 1

the heart wants what it wants.you are hurting him and denying yourself by staying. you only get one life, and if you dont want to be 65 looking at your husband with anger and resentment because you wanted to spare him.every day you stay with your husband is another day your not with your true love.its time to set yourself free, youve done your time, and now , go be with the one you love, or you will spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been

Answer 2

If you have not been sexually cheating with this other guy, how can you possibly think you are in love with him. You think you are in love but it is illusion. This other guy has not demonstrated anything like caring, support or any day to day actions which lead to love. You are infatuated. That you would think about leaving a husband, who I presume did nothing wrong, for some concept of love that you're carrying around from high school indicates a lack of maturity and shallowness. You had better figure out if your marriage is worth saving and do it quickly. Either work on your marriage or get out. DO NOT run right to some other guy though.
Its apparent you have no idea who you are. You need to stay married or be single. Its obvious you are easily swayed by illusion.
You may need to establish an identity on your own before messing with another guy for a while, like a year After the divorce.

Follow Up- Your question did not indicate that you've had many affairs, one lasting a year. I was WAY to easy on you. You are a liar and a cheat. Your life is one big guilty feeling. And of course you deserve it. Why would you feel guilty leaving your husband? Apparently you've left him many times before only each time you come back for some unknown reason. Are you staying only for the money? Does your husband have a clue what a liar and cheat he's living with? There is no honor in your staying married. There is no honor in your marriage. There is no honor in you at all. Where is the true story? Are all your answers truthful? You should find some integrity and deal with what's left of a marriage. I feel bad for your husband. True he may be unaware, but what has he done to deserve your unfathfulness?
Lets see 20 years from high school, That would make him about 40 ish. Do him a favor, get out now. Let him get over your infliction of pain. He can then go out and troll the wide market of divorced 40+ women who wish to find a mate who don't cheat. You deserve to end up single and lonley, and as it turns out this will probably be the case.

Answer 3

In your mind you are already there. Be so very careful you could loose the best friend of your life for a fling that won't last a year. Once you mess things up going back is almost impossible.

Try to get from your husband what the new love is giving you and cut it out with the someone else. If you are out to leave your husband, repectfully do it without someone on the side.

It will only hurt for a little while, but marriage lasts a lifetime.

Oh and don't listen to this forum listen to your gut feelings. You already know the answer. You said it.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Just know that you've together longer thanthe average healthy marriage.Has your husband been unfaithful? Are you still with him? Has he changed since then?(remorseful) Your feelings for him have probably changed. But as you've stated, youhad many affairs one lasting a full year. Have you really givin him a fair shake. Maybe you are feeling guilty for what you,ve done and Thats what is destroying the marriage. Remember... it takes 2. Ohhhh!!!!, I almost forgot, DO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAVE ANY CHILDREN? If so remember the stats show that 87% of children who stem from broken or divided homes have behavior problems, dont finish school, have social disorders, or eventually end up in jail. THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. starting over again takes work and you dont know what your getting into. 20 yrs you have withur hubby. Youre to be congradulated, just keep it going and put your heart into ur mate I promise u will find happiness

Answer 5

,I feel your pain. I've been in my relationship for a little over 20 years. There have been A LOT of ups and downs. When those downs come, the other side of the fence does look awfully green. Look at some of your friends. Are they in the same or similar boat? Marriage is a really tough job. You have to give up your identity to become a new one. Kids and money are a big stress too. So ask yourself, would you really be happier with this other person or is it just an illusion? Your mind can play nasty tricks to keep you from thinking clearly. Mine has...it's a challenge to get through some days when I don't have anything else to occupy my thoughts and I'm on the wrong side of the fence.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

How did you fall in love with this other guy??? you have already betrayed your husband by falling for another man so you might as well be honest with him and yourself and the other guy. You should feel more guilty about betraying your husbands trust and love than leaving him. By letting him go and giving him a chance to move on with his life you are doing him a favor!

Answer 7

Have you done everything you can to save your marriage? You took vows with your husband and you should honor them to the best of your ability. Falling in love with someone by accident or wanting to be with someone else isn't a really good reason for wanting a divorce. Before you decide to leave your marriage really think about what you are about to give up. Think about talking to your husband about what you want in the marriage thats not there. Get into marriage counseling and work things out. Best of luck.

Answer 8

be totally honest that is all you can do. this going to take alot of courage but it will free you of guilt to some degree. to move from one relationship to the next is going to be really rough on you there needs to be a pause in between a time of letting go. if you don't allow yourself this it may become extremely confusing emotionally for you. do it rite for you and give your husband the respect he deserves. i believe you would want to do this anyway. you feel guilty because you are leaving him for another man? is this the only reason? forget about the other man for a moment would you still leave?

Answer 9

Be true to yourself! If your feelings are really that strong for someone else you owe it to yourself and your husband to be honest. I would make real sure that my feelings are genuine not just 'fake' feelings caused by boredom or fantasy. Then I would be honest with my spouse. You both deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you and wants to be with you and if one of you is not happy then the relationship will suffer badly. Feelings will be hurt but it will get worse the longer you wait. Good luck and I hope all works out

Answer 10

I am not sure what to do counseling is a good start, no one but you knows whether to leave or stay.
I can say that if you have been with the current for years, that you had best be very careful leaving, you may miss him way more than you thought possible and not have the opportunity to return.