Do I have the right to pick and choose my boyfriend's friends?

Question

Recently, a woman my bf has known for years, who wasn't much more than an acquaintance, moved in next door to him. Through a series of quirky events and simple geographical proximity, she and my boyfriend grew very close. When her marraige began to fall apart a few months ago, my bf was the person that she trusted enough to ask advice of and to confide in. They are now best friends, her marraige just ended and she is alone for the first time in years. She's a great lady - smart, nice, capable, a good mom - and I like her very much. The trouble is that my bf gets so many of his emotional and intimacy needs met through his intense friendship with her, that he and I are growing distant. I don't want to do the bitchy gf thing and tell him he can't have female friends, but I also don't believe a) that he can emotionally disconnect while remaining friends with her or b) that this friendship will remain platonic (though I have no solid evidence of this, just a gut feeling).

Answer 1

No, but he certainly needs to consider your relationship when he chooses whether or not to be friends with someone.

Answer 2

the tittle you chose doesn't do you question justice. Because you don't have the right to pick his friends, however, people seem to forget that you don't have to have sex with someone to cheat. There is such thing as emotionally cheating. If he has gotten to the point where all of his emotional and communication needs are met by her he is cheating in a since that he is going out of his relationship. He should not be allowing his friendship as such get in the way of your relationship. You shouldn't say anything things to him, rather you two should sit down and talk, let him know how you feel and why and find out whats going on with him, and then you two need two need to come up with a solution that's works for you two. If you and the female talk on a friend bases after talking to him, you might want to talk to her don't blame her for anything just tell her how you feel and express your concerns and ask for hers. After all you have a solid reason to be worried. Be sure to no point fingers or blame or accuse anyone, keep it PG and sweet.

Answer 3

Trust your gut. When guys share emotions with other women, and it starts to take away from your own relationship, there is trouble with a capital T. I completely understand why you don't want to be the "bitchy girlfriend," and you sound really grounded. Good for you. But in all honesty, I think that talking with him is the right thing to do. Also, the other woman should know better than to bring your boyfriend into her personal life. Aquaintences are fine, emotional confiding in him is not. What he may not even realize yet, is that she may be a little to attatched to him. What do women look for while in a rocky relationship, or just after a break up? A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. Like I said, your boyfriend may not be aware of it, but my guess is that something isnt right there. And sorry to bash my fellow women, but they can be hard to trust. Anyways, either way, if you want to remain close to your boyfriend, talk to him. Thats the only way for the attention to be where it belongs- with you, not with her. good luck sweetie.

Answer 4

I think you should tell him and say it basically how you phrased your question. You can not decide who your boyfriend can be friends with. But you do have a right to interfere if you think there might be something going on, or if you're drifting. Tell him that you feel emotionally distant from him and that you're wondering if there's any way for you to reconnect. Assure him that you trust him, but you just want things to work out. It could even be as simple as going out to dinner or coffee so you can talk. Good luck!

Answer 5

yes and if he doesnt agree then just go along with it and soon he will understand how you feel towards his friendship with the other girl and he will feel guilty and stop. But to me she sounds nice and if i were you i would take that into consideration.My gf has a boy for a friend and i trust her 100% although i get that same gut feeling you got i remember all the love notes she wrote me and all the times she said that she loved me and then i know that she wouldnt mess our relationship up for nothing.

Answer 6

Stick with your feeling obviously you know some signs that something is happening. Tell him that you don't like the relationship that he has with her and he needs to end it because of the fact it is interfering with your relaationship. If he doesn't show any interest in ending their friendship some is most likely going on and they are not only friends. He should be more interested in your relationship then his friendship with her.

Answer 7

U know when ur mom always new when u were lying to her. That was her gut feeling i suggest u go with that, but if u think it may be something else i think u should talk to ur boyfriend and tell him what u think is happening he's gonna get pissed but he'll get over it. tell him that u dont mind them being friends but they dont need to be so emotionally connected like u 2 are suppose to be

Answer 8

Did your boyfriend have this friend before you got together with him? If so, you took your boyfriend with all the baggage he has. He isn't some project that you sculpt into what you want. Did he get this friend after you got with him? If so, you let it go on too long, and it's probably too late for you to do anything about without seeming extremely bitter and catty.

Answer 9

You have to sit down with your bf and let him know how his relationship with his lady friend is making you feel. Let him know how he is becoming distant from you. Tell him you'd like to spend more time with him, and maybe offer to set her up with a guy friend you may have. That way everyone would get along.

Answer 10

Always follow those gut feelings, unfortunately, youre probably right. Something is going on that shouldnt and the truth always comes out. Wait until it does and then decide. In the meantime, live your life the best you can. Trerat yourself good always as it doesnt seem he can.

Answer 11

First off,
I am sorry for the situation your in.
Second;
No, you cannot pick and choose your boyfriends friends,
how unfortunate.
But you can explain how you feel to him. Tell him exactly what you think about this problem. With any luck he will listen and understand.You cannot ban him from talking to her cause most likely he will do it anyways.
Good luck sugar xx