My parents' relationship is tearing me apart!?

Question

It drives me crazy to see my parents like this. They divorced when I was about 8, and then "got back together" when I was 14. he really just moved back in with us. Things were so crazy, and I felt so uncomfortable with him there, even though I still saw him every once in a while. Im not even sure why she let him move back in, but they still fought all the time. We went through a lot of kicking him out, or him leaving for a while. And now Im starting to wonder if that was the root of all my problems today. Im single, and I believe its b/c 14 is the time when you start dating, and I was too depressed and worried about family issues....now Im 19, We lost our house, and now I live with my g-parents, and my parents are fighting all the time. My dad lives alone, but my mom wil stay there..but he kicks her out all the time. All they do is fight, and my mom is so down b/c she doesnt know what she does wrong! it just makes me feel crazy, b/c I dont know what to do to fix it all!? what can I do

Im sure that all sounds crazy..but I had to leave out a lot!! My point is, I dont know how to live my life...when all I can do is worry about when the next falling out will be. Im so angry and depressed all the time, b/c I cant stand not bein able to change it all!! Sometimes I have like so much hatred towards them! I dont know..anyone who knows what Im goin thru, please leave a story, and give me some advice!! Thanx!

Answer 1

Look girl..I can understand what you're going through because my parents are exactly the same. The only difference is that they are still together....and they sometimes have their moments when they don't fight ..for a while. I grew up with parents that don't get along...I love my dad and I love my mom too, but they don't get along and mostly is because of my dad..who is "machista", he's thinks too "Manly". I didn't only put up with the fights, but I also got to see domestic violence. I was about 7 when I saw my dad hit my mom, he was drunk and got angry at my mom for something really stupid. Growing up in a family when parents don't get along was really tough on me too. I'm traumatized by it...I can't stand a drunk man..I get mad, and the sight of alcohol too. It has been tough on me..but the only thing you can do in this case is just talk to your parents and tell them how you feel about them fighting and how it's affecting you. Get help for yourself...talking always helps...but mainly understand that there's not much you can do. It's up to them to decide if they're going to life their lives fighting like cat and mouse. Just let them be..and don't too much...I know it's hard and it hurts you but just accept it and don't let if affect you. Again speak to them,..if you can't then get for yourself and as much as you can do ...to enjoy life without letting their problems affect your happiness.... and never blame yourself for anything!!! Live happy and enjoy life...good luck!!!!

Answer 2

there isn't anything you can do to fix this problem because the problem doesn't belong to you. you need to know you are not alone and yes it dos sound crazy and unstable.the way that you express yourself is great, you painted a very clear picture of how ****** up your life has become. as a kid we are given no choices, we just get dragged along with the choices that the adults in our life make. do you feel loved and cared for by your parents,do you think any of the choices either of them made had your best interest at heart? is there anyway you can distance yourself from both of them? it is your rite to be angry at your parents and why wouldn't you be.think about looking for a good councilor, you need to keep talking to fully understand the emotional damage that has been done to you. the anger and the hate is ****** and it hangs around and it harbors evil **** and its a waste of energy and life. with beter understanding opens a path to acceptance and this is the path you need to find. your parents may not be able to change and offer themselves or you a better life but you are and you have just taken a step forward in rite direction.good luck darling

Answer 3

It is most certainly not your job to "fix" your parents' lives, although to the bottom of your soul I know that it feels that way. You can be there to "listen", but know that is all you can do. You will spend the rest of your life feeling like your life is not complete until you fix them unless you accept this fact. You may need counseling to get this straight in your head...this should not shame you in any way... in one way or another every one of us could probably benefit from that!

As for your mom being "down" because she doesn't "know what she does wrong"... the definition of insanity... doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We all do it at some time in our life. She will figure this out eventually... but in her own time. No one can tell her until she is ready... not even you.

I get along very well with my parents now, and I tell people it is because they are both 3,000 miles away (in 2 different directions!). There is no shame in that, either. You are an adult now. No longer a child. YOU are your priority. Time to move out and on. That life is no longer yours. You were only there because you had to be. Not because you chose to be.

There is no need to stay single. Just watch your choices. Do not date people who are just like your mom or your dad. Date YOUR ideal. YOU deserve it!!

Answer 4

Accept that this is the choice your parents make, not you.

Escape the situation by moving out and beginning a life independent of them. It really will be the best thing you could do. If you go to college, find one that is a few hours away and stay over summers - not only will this help you graduate sooner, but you won't have to watch the madness at home (which is going to continue whether you stay or not).

Answer 5

First of all, it is not your doing. You cannot blame yourself for someone else's actions. If that were the case, then it's your fault we are at war. Your to blame for all the gang violence in your neighboehood, etc, etc. Ok, not only is it not up to you to fix it, it's should not affect the way you live. Your mother has to find a way to fix her own problem. You worry about how they always fight, ok, when you stop worrying, what happens? Nothing , because your worying doesn't affect their behavior, period. You worry for nothing cause nothing changes. I know what you are going thru. I had to go thru the same thing. My sister said, hey that's their problem, as long as they don't swing fists our way, let them go at it, until they get tired and quit, or split up. Either way, it's not, or should not, affect your future. You love yourself, look out for yourself, and let the world spin on it's on axis. Don't let either of them get you involved,you know, take sides, They didn't ask to start the fights, they shouldn't ask you to end them.

Answer 6

Wo w honey thats a real bad story I feel 4 u. All I have 2 say is just hang in there ,and things will change 4 u and if U feel like talking u can alway IM me.I feel bad 4 U?

Answer 7

im sorry my parents are divorced too so i know how you feel. it's hard to get over something as tragic as that. i was nine and i couldnt stand it...
just try to live your own life and believe in the faith you believe in because someone is always trying to help you no matter what all you can do is stick to the better part of your life

Answer 8

you are 19, you need to go on with ur life, what ur mom and dad is going through is there problem, they created it let them work it out, start thinking of your life, i know its hard, but you will have to do it sooner or later, good luck, i wish u the best

Answer 9

there is nothing you can do to change your parent. they have to fix their own lives. if you are sick of everything, find a place of your own, you are of age.

PS don't let the parents move in with you.