Would a decent woman do this and what does it mean?

Question

my wife in a fight told me that she would cheat on me. and that we would eventual get a divorce anyways. her response was total out of proportion to the type of fight we were having. in fact it was all a fight of assumptions and misundestanding.

should i be worried that a person that says something like that must have thought it already, or that they are a bit twisted to say something like that, or just should try to forget it. but it has damaged my trust in her greatly...she regrets it now...but it doesn't make it go away. it has made me very wary and suspicios always...as she said...i don't know what happens when i am not at home. ?????????????

the otherside of the story simply was a misunderstaning. i have never even uttered an I hate you towards her. it was an inlaws misunderstanding and nothing that had to do with us directly.

during another fight, she told me she loved another man in another country. got up and showed me a picture even. later she said that it was her friends husband she picked out to show me...the two together have done much damage. that was almost equally devestating.

unfortunately know, i contstantly ask her if she loves me and she knows why i ask. it has caused several fights. but i cannot help this "seed of doubt" that has been placed in my head. she claims she would never cheat while being married...but then why those words.

what is funny is that she simply tells me that she has already many times apologized and that i just should get over it. that in itself is funny to me. she makes me feel somehow that i need to just flip a switch and it's all better. granted i don't believe she would do anything...but this is causing me to become paranoid.

we went to counseling and i was told that she said that because she wanted more attention...how much more can i give. it is just the two of us...almost all the time. i help cook and clean...and i am the only one who works. i was told people who would cheat don't announce it and do it discretely...but that is really tough to swallow.

Answer 1

Alot of times people say things out of anger that they really do not mean. Actions speak louder than words. If she has never given you any other reason to distrust her then give her the benefit of the doubt. She does need to understand that what she said was so wrong, though. Tell her how hurt you were over this and how it put serious doubts in your mind about her and unless she wants a marriage full of doubts and distrust it would be beneficial to think before she speaks. No matter how bad she regrets saying it it does not change the fact that it was wrong and very hurtful. It is a bit twisted that she would say something so hurtful to you, but some people lash out with words and don't realize how deeply they hurt. Her attitude about how the marriage will eventually end in divorce anyway is another twisted part. If she has that attitude about it why is she still around? She may have said that out of anger also, but she has to stop that if she really wants the marriage to last. I hope you guys work through this, but you really should sit her down and tell her how affected by this you are. She has alot of making up to you to do.

Answer 2

No a decent woman or wife would not do or ever say this. You are right it was out of place for her to ever say that. But if she is truly sorry and regrets it then you need to let the past be the past and try to move on and forgive and love her. It may have been twisted when she said it but remember you were fighting and she probably did not even mean it when she sad it as she said it out of anger and haste and did not choose her words wisley. Don;t we all do that at times and the sad part is we can never take them back once we say them and my wife always tell women to watch what they say because they can speak hurt and pain to their husband and i know that as husbands we sure can do that and are guilty of it at times as well. It pays to walk away when you are mad and talk when you are calm so this done not happen. Give her another chance.

Answer 3

I am a firm believer that when someone blurts out something in a fight, that it is something they have been thinking for a while and it just explodes in the heat of the argument. If she said she would cheat and they you would eventually get a divorce, then she has probably already thought about it. I would do it.. you will never get the trust back again, unless you are VERY forgiving.

Answer 4

She might not have thought it before she said it, but she will now. We all say things in the heat of the moment, some of which we don't mean, but you need to seriously consider the assumptions you are making. The first one being if she said those things she obviously felt the issue at hand was more serious than you have indicated you do. This points to some potential for very serious problems later on. I suggest you reevaluate what is important in your life. If your wife is important to you find out who and where she is now. If not back off and let her find someone who cares.

Answer 5

You've got every right to worry, comments such as those don't just come out of thin air.

However, you need to approach the subject with a clear head. Even though people say things they don't mean when they fight, a comment like that takes time to build up in one's brain.

Sit down with her and have a calm, civil conversation. Explain that you can't trust her because of that comment, but if you want to stay with her, tell her you love her and that you want to work on building that trust back up.

Give it time. Not every relationship ends in infidelity.

Answer 6

People say things during a fight that they don't necessarily mean but some of these things can destroy trust. You and your wife need to go to counselling to find out why it was said and then you both need to learn how to rebuild the trust between you. Try to remember why you first fell in love and let counselling get you back to that first taste of love.

Answer 7

We all say(sometimes do) things we regret, unfortunately if she has not been unfaithful to you(that you know of) then she just might do it now.Throwing statements that harsh around, in an argument could mean she has at least contemplated cheating before. Just be careful and try to give her the benefit of the doubt..but if she does start to act out of the norm... then you should expect she has found a new "friend"

Answer 8

Well woman have a way with pms or hormone stuff to blow everything way out like a rage! I think thts what she had.I think I regret alot I say and dont mean any of it at the time.Some people have to really dig to hurt u during a fight its how they win! In there mind.But my mother use to tell me when u love someone be very careful what u do.Yes it applies to u and you will have to forgive her and forget it cause it wont be the last time!If u love her make it with all her bad fighting habits! Good luck!

Answer 9

Sure we are in the market, it is just that if we get handled unsafe via the girl we are with we isn't going to position up with it due to the fact everyone knows that there will have to now not many in the market so we may not accept much less. You can not rather educate guys and ladies approaches to be a "truly guy" as you set it if they have got been anybody else for there entire lives. The one process that you'll notably instruct it's for your however and confidently they are going to do as you educate them and not anything else.

Answer 10

It depends it can be mad talk but also it can be a warning sing..

you know it reall sucks but once trust has been broken.. there is so much work to be done to re-build trust..

too bad for her, becaue you seem like a good man... but you know if your gut.. tell s u there is something fishi belive it...

if you gut money hire a investigator...

if not stay arround and spy on her with out her knowing..

dont do it all the time,,, but do it once and if you dont see anything star trusting her...

but if you find evidence leave her...

OR Just tell her

"WHAT EVER YOU DO ....I WILL BE DOING IT TOO..."