i was scared to tell my husband before marriage as knowing the same he will never marry me.i want to live with him forever and i love him to the core. but i feel guilty by not telling this truth to him .
pls help me to know wheather i should tell him now .
2006-06-12 10:21:45 · 26 answers · asked by pinku 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being virgin is not the right recipe on having a perfect marriage. But on how you maturely handle life situation in a marriage life. My advise is, stop worrying about the past. Forget it. AND you dont have to tell him now what happened in the past coz it will cause more trouble than making it better. Continue loving him each day. Shower him all the kindness and cares especially doing so on your children. Men appreciates it most to wives when they see how caring women to their children.
But then, be ready in the situation when the burried comes alive, you know what i mean. By then, your husband would have weigh you more being a good wife than a mistake in the past. But be humble by then. Whatever he does, it is up to him, at least you have showed him how much you love him, Then would be his time to prove how much he loves you too.
2006-06-12 10:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by awbmob1 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Gosh! Did he ask you if you were a virgin before? Coz if he did, and you denied it outright, then you're in deep trouble. Of course, he will get hurt. A relationship should be built on trust. It doesn't matter what happened before. Also, how many times have you done it before? Was it just an "accident". Worst, did this happen while you and your husband-to-be were already going steady!?Another thing... Have you done it with him already? If you did it already, then he might not be the type of guy who "valued" virginity anyway. I think, whatever happened before, you need to telll him. Even if you tried to keep it a secret, it will come out someday for sure. And what a disaster that would be. Do it now before you get married. If he really loves you, i think he will hang on to you. He just had to be assured that it is all in the past and that he is the only one you love now.
2006-06-12 10:44:49 · answer #2 · answered by judge_d'red 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmmm, well , if you are a christian, you would know that the only reason you can get a divorce is due to fornication. the reason for that is (adultry and fornication isn't the same thing). when you have sex before marriage (fornication) and don't tell you future husband . the marriage contract is void. you enter into marriage under false pretenses. which makes the marriage contract invalid, your husband thought he was getting a virgin when he married you , he didn't get what he signed on for. if he should decide to, he can get a divorce free and clear without any religious punishments. the only reason a marriage can be put aside in the bible is doing just what you did. a question within a question , how did you manage to fake him out on the night of defloration? you should be in hollywood.
2006-06-12 10:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you go the store and buy a headache?
Confession may be "good for the soul" but it is BAD for the relationship. This is your secret and you should keep it a secret. If anyone tells your husband that you were not a virgin, LIE and say that you were. The most important thing is to keep the marriage strong and happy, then you and your husband will both be happy.
2006-06-12 11:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are going to be more distressed by losing him than by the guilt, don''t. If you are absolutely positive he would not have married you if he knew I would tend to question his committment to you. Is this the kind of guy you really want to spend forever with? If so, and if he didn't figure it out, which if he were truly hung up he could have and he probably would have said something if he did, I would recommend keeping your secrets. Honesty is good up to a point but when it begins to interfere with an otherwise good relationship it's time to let it go. As long as you are not lying about how you feel. what it boils down to is do you love each other, ask yourself do you love him or do you love something about the idea of him. Nick
2006-06-12 10:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by Nicholas F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, to "Gangsta Dad" this is not an issue of religion.
This is an issue of trust. Do you trust your husband? Does he trust you? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then by all means you should know that he will trust you to be honest. You should, as his wife, trust in his love, his wedding vows, and the life you two have built.
Thanks to ultra-feminists and the hippy era, along with sexual freedom progressing faster than weeds can grow, it's actually more suprising to find a virginal bride than it is to find out otherwise.
Be calm when you speak to him about it, but also be prepared if he becomes upset, which would be a completely normal reaction.
2006-06-12 10:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by Dark_Lady_Kizanth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a virgin when my wife and I were married... she wasn't. I can tell you how I would have felt if my wife had told me she was.
You have lied to your husband. He will feel like you have cheated on him. The time he had to decide if that was something he could live with or not was supposed to come before you got married, not after. Now he's going to feel like he's been given a bait and switch.
However, I think it is important that you tell him. A marriage built on lies can't stand. You need to be honest with him. And you also need to realize that you are the one in the wong: you are the one that lied, and if you need to make it up to him, then you have to do that.
2006-06-12 10:48:41 · answer #7 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him. My husband was not a virgin when we married and knowing that he had slept with other women didn't change my perception of him at all. It shaped who he was today. It was a part of what made the man I fell in love with. Be apologetic and tell him you were scared. If he truly loves you and your relationship is where it needs to be he should understand and probably won't love you any less.
2006-06-12 10:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have not told him otherwise, then your not lying to him...the past should only be brought up if it effects the future....you have nothing to feel guilty of...I as a man understand your concern for his reaction but I don't feel it necessary that this become an issue that he needs to pass judgment on...be faithful now and forever and he could not have hoped for any better a partner in life....believe me...I am extremely picky...but I would feel that fortunate to have a partner as considerate as you...good luck.
2006-06-12 10:31:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you feel that she's the "One", then I guess you have to wait until your wedding night to make her a non-virgin. If she's just a lady that you want to have sex with, then guess you need to move on. I'd feel honored I guess if my girlfriend told me that she's waited that long and was going to wait until marrage to do it.
2016-03-27 01:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋