How do I get my wife's trust and heart back? I was an unfaithful jackass and now I'm getting what I deserve.

Question

I cheated on her with several women and since she found out She's having cyber-sex while trying to pick out local guys to meet to get even with me.She says what she's doing is none of my bussiness. At first, I agreed to it, but I'm having a tough time dealing with my jealosy.She says Im just selfish and I want my cake and eat it too. She says she will have her revenge-it's the only way she can ever get over my cheating on her.She's been a wonderful wife to me.She did not deserve what I did to her.I feel very insecure that when she does take on someone else,I'll lose her for good. I dont have the power or ability to stop her from doing what she's intent on doing, and I KNOW I deserve it. Tell me please-how do I handle the thought of her being with another man-and how do I win her love back? Or is that now out of the question and I shouldn't even hope for mercy? I deserve this-Right?

I feel I might have been misunderstood by some of your answers. I did not mean to imply that she is currently cheating on me. She says she's not. but claims that she intends to

Answer 1

everyone here is bashing the wife. we don't know for certain that she has cheated on him. i don't think she has. how many of us been hurt by a boyfriend or husband who has cheated on us. it sounds like that she forgive him and he done it again and again for his own reasons. right now she is hurt and mad and she feels betrayed by you. sounds like you really hurt her and her world is turn up side down and their is children involved then maybe she trying to figure how to handle this but i think there is more to this story then you are telling. if you love her so much why did cheat on her again and again and now u want forgiveness and win her love back. was you thinking about her when you was cheating on her? did you think of how she would feel when she found out? she doesn't feel good about her self right now and you caused that. now you feel insecure. maybe right now she feels insecure about herself and maybe she is trying to figure out where she went wrong in this and I'm pretty sure you blame her for all of your affairs right? give her time she is going through a lot right now. sounds like she was a very good wife to u and u throw it all away for some one night stands or relationships. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but she has every right to be mad and upset.

Answer 2

I hate to say this but yes you do in a way. Remember there are consequences for wrong actions and deeds. But on the other hand she is not responding right to it either and two wrongs definitley do not make a right. I feel that you both need help and if this marriage is going to ever start to get back on the right track you both will have to learn forgiveness and get the help that you need to try and save it if at all possible. You may never win back her love if she is really hurt and does not want you any more. It sounds like you are truley sorry and remorseful and i respect that. I wish you the best and I pray that somehow this marriage will work out but it does not look very good and promising right now and separation and divorce may be inevitable here.

Answer 3

you deserve it, bit it also sounds like you and your wife deserve each other. Just because she cheats on you doesn't mean she'll feel better, that's crazy! You guys need some counseling or get over each other. Once somebody cheats in a relationship, it's over. You never look at them the same again. Your wife is only trying to hurt you the way you hurt her. But it won't make anything better. She'll feel even worse after she does, you guys both have put walls around each other. You either need to get over those walls, or calll it quits, there's no point in being a relationship where you have to deal her cheating on you, and she doesn't deserve a relationship where she's trying to even the score. You guys sound hopeless.

Answer 4

Oh yeah...you SO deserve it. If you had "slipped" and had a one night stand that's one thing, but to have cheated on her, with SEVERAL WOMEN.....you are only getting what you yourself caused. If she's been a "wonderful wife" why did you mess around on her? There is a good chance she'll never be able to get past this and will find someone she could fall in love with. TRUST is huge in successful relationships.

You have to be completely HONEST with her in all things from here on out. Don't make promises to her you can't keep. Don't lie, hide things from her, make her feel like it's HER fault.

Be willing to go to counseling, be willing to be her friend, LISTEN to her when she tells you have you've made her feel like the world SUCKS because of what you did. Make HER feel special in everyway that you can.

But above all, be HONEST. If you really LOVED her and respected her like a "wonderful husband" should, you never would have done what you did. Maybe you need to own up to the fact that you might not be as in love with her as you once were and give her her wings to fly.

SOMETIMES these things actually strenghten a relationship. I wish you luck!! Just don't forget that YOUR previous choices in YOUR life have brought on the situation today in your relationship with your wife. OWN UP TO IT...that's a good start!

Answer 5

I bet she really felt bad learning you were cheating on her considering she is hurting you too as like getting you take same pills. Oh, boy, what a terrible situation you are! But then, if she really loves you she wont break herself that way too. No one has advised her that doing so would inflict more damage on her than you did to yourself. Women should understand that we, men, are sooooo polygamous! We can even have sex in mind with just looking upon a sexy woman! Women are not like that. OR maybe some.
If i were you, talk to her in peace. Tell her that you are sooo sorry on what you did and you still love her and that it hurts you to see what she is doing. And if she wont respond favorably, let her go. She doesnt deserve you at all for destroying herself. At least you tried to make amends with her. And keeping her will not be same like before. Go away and time will heal. And never do anything of the mistakes you did before. Unless you ask permission that you wanna have sex with anyone else aside from your partner, which of course will receive a hard whack on your face! LOL!

Answer 6

It sounds like possibly the two of you have gone past the point of no return. If I were talking to her, I'd want to say that love isn't about getting even, and two wrongs don't make a right. You both need to sit down together and take a look at what's happened and what's happening now and decide whether you want to have a future together...because at the rate you're going, it seems like you're headed for Splitsville really fast. Obviously what you did was wrong, but what she's doing isn't making things any better. Communication, respect, and yes, forgiveness for each other are desperately needed. Can you both handle that?

Answer 7

Wow, this is a tough and delicate situation. I don't have a clear cut answer for you but If there's any hope for your marriage, it may be in you having to take the Landmark Forum. Its an incredible program that takes place over a weekend during which people achieve unpredictable results in all areas of their lives. I'm not going to promise you that your marriage will be saved if you do this program, but I can tell you that out of that weekend, you will be able to take responsibility for where you messed up and the suffering that both you and your wife( Yes, believe it or not she is suffering) are currently going through will end. Check them out at www.landmarkeducation.com . One last thing, we all screw up majorly in life, but I believe that the biggest mistake is spending time beating ourselves up over what cannot be undone. The good news in all of this is that your wife still loves you, otherwise she wouldn't feel betrayed that you slept with someone else, and you clearly still love her! Good luck!

Answer 8

You are both sick. If she is nasty enough to "seek revenge" by going with other guys, and you are stupid enough to stick with her, then you both deserver each other in your common misery. If you were a real man, you would tell her straight, you made a mistake you were an ***, but you want her back, can we work it out without her acting like a jackass also. If she still wants to get a piece of action from somebody else, dump her and move on. That's not "revenge", that's her basically saying she is finished with you.

Answer 9

No, you probably deserve worse. But really, in my opinion, so does your wife. Getting even is not the best way to deal with being hurt. In fact most of the time it hurts worse then the initial wound when all is said and done. What your wife is doing to you is no better then what you did to her. You need to go to marriage counseling if you want your relationship to survive this.

Answer 10

Ooooh have you got a long road ahead of you, boy!!
Consider yourself lucky if she didn't pack up and leave you flat!!
She is wounded, and she is pissed.
You took your vows and threw them into the toilet. You shattered her trust!!!!
How DARE you womanize!! She was faithful to you, wasn't she?
So you can't deal with it, huh? You are worried that she might sleep witth another guy and that hurts your feelings, does it?
How do you think your precious wife feels? Take your feelings and magnify it be- how many women? Do you get it now? Can you hear me now?
I will assume that your wife is God-fearing. You shamed her in front of the community. You shamed her in front of God!!!
Is she supposed to believe that you are going to be faithful to her after what you have put her through!?
You want her love? YOU want! What about what SHE wants?
She wants/ wanted a faithful husband! Not "Runaround Lou"
Oh, you really need to cry out to God right now, man. He's the only one who can save your marriage now
I'm not kidding you!!