He came back.....?

Question

After three weeks of separation, it has been two weeks since my husband came back home. There have been no fights but there still is a huge wall between us. At this point, I still do not know where we are going with our relationship (if anywhere). I have tried talking to him and he just shuts me out. I have been trying to be patient and trying to give him space however, I have no idea where our relationship is going. He has refused therapy. How much time should I give him to decide what he wants and speak up?

Answer 1

you've given him plenty already, he comes back after a seperation but refuses to talk about the relationship? bullpucky!!! his butt would be right back out the door, like yesterday. all he wants is for you to shut up, this is a power play and make no bones about it if you lose you'll pay for it for a long time to come, stand up for yourself, hec with his 'space' what about you? what you want is answers and conversation, if he isn't even willing to give you that he's no kind of husband anyway, get rid of him.

Answer 2

It's really hard to answer your question without knowing more about your marriage. Hopefully, it's a good sign that your husband has returned home depending on the reason why he left you to begin with. Regardless of the reason, any relationship needs to have open communication. By him shutting you out won't make your relationship better and the refusal of therapy. You'll probably need to give him an ultimatum very soon. Tell him he needs to start opening up to you in order for the two of you to work on your relationship. Stress to him that you are willing to do whatever it takes, but he needs to meet you half way. If he still insist on shutting you out, you may have to face the fact that your marriage is over.... Good luck!

Answer 3

hmm.. this is hard. What is he like usually? I ask because I've got one of 'em too.. This guy doesn't know HOW to communicate.. (which kinda sux cause I kinda DO.. luv to talk.) What was he acting like before? Is this behavior like radically different? You haven't a clue here so it is impossible to repair (I agree.) Did he say anything (he must have or you wouldn't have let him in the door perhaps?) when he came back.. like "I love you/I'm back.." or "I came back for the kids.. the football games.." whatever OR "it's handy to go to work from here." (I'd hate the last answer the most.) Sometimes guys refuse therapy because they block stuff out or think if they ignore it, it'll go away. I suspect THIS is what's happening here. Are you all that unhappy then? Maybe you can just figure 'screw it' ..he thinks there IS no problem.. and just let it go.. be happy? Sometimes what I do (I'm not saying you do it too) is 'invent a problem.' lol. (I'm damn good at it too!) Maybe hejust needed a 'time out?' like kids do. When he was gone, was he WITH anyone (female...?) That'd suck.. totally. If that did NOT happen, I'd say just drop it..K? g'luck later Melancholia

Answer 4

In this case your still to a large degree separated since he won't talk to you and work on the problem. It really makes you wonder why he bothered coming back at all. You have given him 5 weeks worth of space and I would think that would be more than enough. If he wants to be married to you then he needs to open up and talk things through, if he can't do that he might as well be gone.

Answer 5

As long as you think is nessecary. You can't live like that waiting for him to get a grip on reality. I don't know why you haven't kicked his butt out yet if he's not talking and shutting you out. Him coming back means he wants to work things out, not just go back with out fighting and tension still there, what good was the seperation? He needs to knock down that wall if he wants to be with you, that's what I would tell him. It's not fair for you to cater to his needs when he's not returning the favor. This is my opinon any way. Hope it help

Answer 6

So why did he come back if he is not fully comitted. Go to counseling without him. You could use the support. I think your marriage is already over but that is not for me to say. I think I would talk to a good divorce lawyer while you are waiting.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Give him a two week ultimatum. Ask him what was the point in him coming back if he wasn't willing to work it out. You can't make it work by yourself.

Answer 8

It seems as if he wants to control the situation. Let him know that if this is going to work you have to have answers! Pick the time you want to talk carefully. Don't raise your voice and keep your tone calm. I wish you much luck.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like he has had plenty of time. You can't live your life in limbo waiting for him to make up his mind. You need to decide what you want (discuss it with him, if he'll listen) and then move forward.

Answer 10

if u guys have kids together its going to be very hard. but it takes both of u guys to work things out. obviously he's not willing to work with u. if he's refusing counselling then he's selfish. u should leave him alone for now.