I need to know if my marriage is doomed??

Question

My husband and I each have seperate houses that we live in while we are working or whatever. When we are on off-time, we live in our house that we own together. We love each other like you would not believe and have two young children (one is not biologically his). The problem is whenever we are apart we hear **** about eachother and it causes fights. We know it's not true, but we still acknowledge it!!! Should we all just move in together all the time so there is no more 'rumors' to address??

LOL. Y'all are harsh. I work on one side of the country and he works on the other. I work for about 3-4 months then get 2 off. He tries to get the same schedule. We are together as soon as we are done working. My children are with me on set always. We are all under one roof on off-time. It's not like we NEVER live together, it's kinda like people who are in the military.I guess.

We have this arrangement because of our careers. We fly to be with each other every chance we get, and our children are always with us. I'm just sick of EVERYONE saying **** about MY husband, and MY life, and I feel the need to step up and protect and defend it. I need to know if this means I have to give up my house? All that would really do is portray an image of security to the public right??

Hi Bob.....again!!

Answer 1

You should be living together all of the time, regardless of work situations, love is stronger then anything and your family should be the most important thing in your life, especially your children, how do you think they feel not being able to spend time daily with both of their parents. Move into one house together, eat dinner everynight together at the table and share daily, your marriage will probably end up in divorce if you don't change your situation.

Answer 2

First of all I don't think this arrangement is so unusual in the profession you are in and I wouldn't give a damn what anyone else had to say about it. I can tell you are feeling a strain though from the seperation. How does your husband feel about you giving up your house? Have you discussed it with him? When you have trust rumors are usually pretty easy to dismiss but when you are apart for so long and realize how lonely you can get they start to sound more plausible. When it gets to the point where you start believing them it's definately time to let the house go. I'm not so sure that a little jealousy is always that bad. It keeps a little edge going...and kinda keeps the territory defined if you know what I mean...just so it doesn't get too nasty. The bottom line is..only you knows just how much affect this is having on your marriage, and certainly that is the only thing to be concerned about here. For sure a house isn't worth a marriage.....but gossip isn't worth a house

Answer 3

Two part answer:

Part 1.) If these rumors are coming from like the media or other similar sources, then you've got to take them with a grain of salt. Chances are they're not true at all, and I think you know that.

Both you and your husband need to sit down and talk about these rumors and re-assure both of yourselves that you guys will still love each other no matter how bad the media rumor mill gets, In your positions, you guys need an extra amount of trust between the two of you versus the media rumor mill, or your marriage doesn't stand much of a chance. But again, I think you already know that.

(Part 2.) If these sources of the rumors are from close trusting friends and family, then perhaps there might be weight to what they're saying.

However, as a cautionary note, don't forget that because of your status, you may have those type of friends that say that they're your friends, but are actually aren't your friends, but would like to see you twist in the wind, so to speak, because of their jealousy, over of your status. If you catch my drift.

If you do have more than one reliable friend and/or family members that are saying this then PERHAPS it's time to worry a bit. If you really want to find out whether he's faithful or not, is to hire one of those private detectives that will follow him around for a while and report back to you.

After reading your question though, my gut feeling is that as long as BOTH of you guys are making efforts to be with each other (ie flying to see each other) all the time, then I really don't think he's cheating on you. But again, that's my just my gut feeling on the situation,

Answer 4

I think if you truly want to think yourself as a family, you should live together. How are you two hearing about each other. If its from other people you realize that those people might have alteratior motives. Do you know and trust your husband? That should be all that matters. If he says he has two kids then that child that not biologically his is his in the most important way. Keep others such as family and friends out of your business. They tend to make things worse. Think about getting a job closer to one another. Sell those extra house and take a second honeymoon. Just a suggestion.

Answer 5

I've heard of this before - this being married and yet living in separate houses. And I just don't "get it." Unless you are in separate cities there is no good reason I can fathom for such an arrangement and it does seem to work against building a good relationship for your marriage. If you only spend your "off time" together, then the only time you see each other is when you are in "down time" mode - every time you get together it is kind of a holiday. Where is the day-to-day striving together, sharing of daily concerns and worries (and joys) which builds the intimacy and trust ? This is precisely why long-distance relationships don't work - you aren't WITH the person enough to be able to mesh with them smoothly - to see them when they are at their best as well as at their worst and everything in-between. And for them to see the same of you. Yes, drop this separate but equal gig you have going and move in together.

Answer 6

I think that it would be best if you guys lived together in one house. Are you guys apart often? I tthink your kids would feel more stability if their was one place that they can refer to as home. You sound to be very much in love so I hope everything works out for you. At least you guys acknowledge the rumours - But if you know that they aren't true you should really try to tune them out- your marriage will benefit from it immensely- Sometimes people are just jerks and have nothing better to do than to talk crap about people. Forget them. But overall, you should do what you feel is best. If you see no problem living in two seperate houses while working then continue on doing so. Good luck!

Answer 7

A long distance relationship is hard to endure but not impossible. It seems like you both have your fair share of each other and the kids and shouldn't be concerned about vicious rumors about you.
Yes, it's hard to ignore what is being said about you and your significant other, but only you both, your family close friends know what s true. So why entertaining everyone else's opinion?

Have a family counseling session to be able to vent your frustations in a healthy way. Perhaps your schedules don;t leave too much room for consistent therapy, however, it can help you stablish ground rules on how to deal with gossip and separation.

As long as you love each other and spend quality time together, then there is room to streghten your trust in each other. '

Good luck to you both

Answer 8

I'm not sure why you all don't live together. I think you both need to address what the issues are. If you continue to hear things about each other, then maybe there is something to the rumors. Address the issues and then work them out by what will work for both people and the family. If you love each other, you can work through it.

Answer 9

damn, I envy you!.. you've got 2 separate houses, eh? (and you love one another? lucky) Man, I've got it worse. We fight, live together do not love one another (I don't love him.. he's an impotent control freak) BUT I can't get him to move.. he's sticking around blackmailing me.. by saying 'I'll drain the money I'VE earned while you sat around on your *** being a housewife raising our kid for the last l3 years.." (He TOLD me to sit on my ***.) So .. maybe you are better off than you thought, eh? lol. I guess.. seriously it depends on what type of **** you hear about one another.. If it's that he's 'cheating' I think that's worse.. (It must be something like that.. nothing else left.) I think if you did 'cohabitate' (I luv the separate houses thing ya got going) it would not kill the rumors.. (maybe a little.. who's the 'good buddies' that are telling you two these rumors? Sounds like a bunch of butt-munch friends ya 2 got to me!) Ditch the friends I say! They're crap. It doesn't matter if you fight. (Hell, don't split over that.. you say you love each other? Prove it.. don't make the people dying of envy/trying to break you up "win.") What'd happen if you busted up and found out later it was a bunch of crap? By then you might've gone on w/your lives, gone out with others and then it'd be worse than before, right? right. Your marriage is NOT doomed! hang in there.. later- Melancholia

Answer 10

You should move in together. It is best now that you are married that you be with your husband and children can be with their parents at the same time. You learn more about a person when you live with them then when you are apart.