How do I tell my BF xwife w/children that I am not a threat, stop trying to ruin me!I'm here to stay?

Question

They have been divorced for 3.5 years before I came along

Answer 1

she is probably threatened. she thinks she is being replaced by somebody more desirable, and she cannot escape that feeling.

well, it's not really your place to do something about it. he should talk to her.

if i were in your place, and they called me a threat. i'd say "you're right I AM!" i simply wouldn't care. obviously they have unresolved issues, and you have nothing to do with it. (or SHE has issues -- otherwise why would he leave her if she was so good?)

Answer 2

That was a darn good start (the sentence embedded in your question of How). If you're afraid for your or your x/wife's safety, bring a large friend who has the cops on speed dial, at least for the duration. If physicality isn't an issue, and you've tried the direct, K.I.S.S. method, i.e., just tell him, over and over until he gets it. Here's an idea. Have a girlfriend of yours, your sister, the point is, a female, write him a letter w/no return address. He'll open a letter when he sees the open loops of a female's handwriting, guys (me, too) are egoists. In the letter, let HER tell him what you need for him to know. Why? Because she isn't a threat to him and, being female, not a threat to anyone. Also, how is your x/wife handling this. Is she whispering secret things to this guy, egging him on, to hurt you.... Is she on your side? Is she giving him the same message. Again, he (presumably) ds not want to lose her. Not only isn't she a threat, she's a desire (sorry). So he'll likely listen to her. A negative/positive works well. What I mean is, have her first threaten him (we'll leave you maybe?), then offer him a reward (make up your own on this one, I have one but as Ringo said in response to 'What do you see when you turn out the lights?' I can't tell you but I know it's mine.) Good luck. If it get ridiculous. Tell him to act like a man and learn to live with it.

dg

Answer 3

you don't, its not your job to straighten things out with her its your bf's...its his ex and his kids and his problem, there really is nothing you can say or do that will make a situation with a jealous, threatened ex better anything you try can be twisted to make you look like more of a monster if she tries hard enough. what will help is your bf not tolerating her doing or saying stupid things about you, if he's listening to them and putting up with them she'll just keep doing it. things will settle down in time so if you are really there to stay just let it roll off your back, your best response is actually no response at all, if she sees that she isn't effecting or deterring you it'll get old and she'll quit, not to mention that if he stands up to her she'll lose her delusions of still being able to control him and then it will all stop. treat her descently despite her bad behavior so she can't attack you on the grounds of being a bad person therefore unsuitable to be around her children....but make sure your bf has a spine when it comes to dealing with her, so many men don't in this situation and if its been 3.5 years he obviously doesn't right now or this would have been done a long time before you came along.

Answer 4

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years he is still to this day married and he has been living with me for the past 2 years. His soon to be ex-wife is just now letting him see his child. She use to talk all kinds of bull to me, calling our house late at night trying to change her voice or even having friends call just to get a big fight started between us. I never let her know that she got to me . I would even laugh at her ,telling her that's why her man left her for me in the first place because of her childish games she liked to play. Now she likes to think that we are best friends but I would go that far. The key is not to let them get to you they are all just mad because they couldn't keep a good thing when they had it. And as for the person that said leave them alone you home wrecker. If you was talking about that ex-wife o.k , But if not how can you call someone a home wrecker and you don't even know them you don't know how or why he left his wife and she also said they wasn't married when she got with him so make sure you can read before you ANSWER a Question. That's all I have to say Good Luck Honey AND DON'T NO MATTER WHAT LET HER BREAK YOU !!!!!

Answer 5

Tell her the same way how you asked the question, you are not a threat to her, so stop trying to make something out of nothing.

Answer 6

Your first answer is right: It is up to your boyfriend to tell her all that. If you've seen the movie "Step Mom," you can see what both the ex-wife and the girlfriend go through because of the children involved.

Answer 7

Speaking as a person on both sides of this battle it never ends.. I still hate my ex husbands new wife and my husbands ex girlfriend the mother of his children still makes my life a living hell its a never ending cycle.. I will say sometimes it mellows with time..

Answer 8

Words mean nothing b/c it sounds as if you lost trust. There's only one way to rebuild trust and that's action. You're going to have to go and live your life. Keep as much contact as LEGALLY possible and well...DON'T SCREW UP! If you got to go seek counseling do so. If you got to do rehab, get a job, go back to school, do so. You can't tell people to trust you, that can only be done so by action.

Answer 9

Time and you will prove this. I ended up friends with my ex's wife but it did take a little time. Everything usually does. If you really feel this way, it will be fine and I commend you. Not all women are like that.

Answer 10

I was in the same situation to the point she sent people to my job to beat me up (which never happened) ignore her and just love your boyfriend and support him in everyway you can with his kids. I did that and she eventually backed off and now she respects me because she knows Im good with her kids and her exhusband is very happy with me.