We have been together for over a year & I knew from the begining but he has always talked about leaving they have a small child that he loves to death and doesn't want to leave the baby behind. We are about to have a baby in two weeks. The next twist is he is in the service so there is more at risk than just his marriage. I love him to death but am I living in a fantasy world? I am ussually so good at not putting up with this kind of B.S. Please advise... I feel I have lost all sense of what to do.
2006-06-12 06:00:32 · 21 answers · asked by sexy lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have to ask yourself what you are waiting for. Are you waiting for some other woman's left overs? In order of importance this man has first the government, second his family, and finally you and your child.
You have a child to worry about now. If you wait around for the crumbs that fall off your boyfriend's family's table then where is your future? While he is staying home with his first child, who is going to be home with your child?
I'm sorry things have gotten this far, but you need to feel within yourself that enough is enough and you deserve respect and love. You are not going to get the emotional support that you deserve in this current relationship.
Don't wait. Start right now building a real life for yourself and your child. Find a man who will treat you with the love and dignity you deserve.
Keep your chin up. Tell yourself daily that you deserve a good life and then pursue that good life.
Good Luck!
2006-06-12 06:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by happybujok 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Being pregnant this far & under this kind of stress....its a wonder U were able 2 carry the baby 2 term....If I were U, I would, as hard as it would be, let him go....4 he isn't going 2 "leave" his wife or their small child..though now he is going 2 have another 1 with U......I have a few questions 4 U.... Do U know 4 certain if U are the only "other" woman, in his life? How many "others" have there been? Have they 2 been impregnanted by him? If so, how many other children does he have? Does his wife know about his indiscrections? Is it an understanding that they could/might have an "open" marriage? Does he see any of the "other women or children" if there are others? How often does he see them? Or, more 2 the point, does he see U? & now in 2 wks Ur child? & will Ur child know his/her other sibling(s)? Have a relationship with them? These are the questions U should be asking Urself...if U haven't already!!!!!!!!! When U have answered/thought of the possiblies of them~~~~~U'll then know the answer 2 Ur question Urself..4 ultimately no matter what we say here, the choice is Urs 2 make..we only can hope U make the right choice not only 4 Urself but 4 Ur little 1...Consider/think of this what would U tell Ur child if they were in this situation........then there's Ur answer...4 our children follow in our footsteps...our paths...even though they make their own choices....as the saying goes..WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND!!!!
Unfortuantly, Ur the 1 that has 2 bear this by Urself, 4 Ur the 1 carrying the baby.....where he gets off!!!! 4 IT TAKES 2 2 BECOME PREGNANT IN THE SITUATION!!!!!!! But U'll be fine, not only 4 the child but 4 U 2.....things will work out no matter what U decide 2 do....hope this helps....LUCK 2 U & UR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-06-12 06:40:07 · answer #2 · answered by ANGEL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I feel that you lost your sense the day you decided to have his baby!! The guy is married for god sake he has his own family and there is a baby involved already! As you said he doesn't want to leave the baby behind what if the mother of that baby convince him to stay with them, she his is wife and that's his first child! Second he is in service what if something happens guess what his wife and kid are covered its you who will end up supporting your baby alone!
Its okay to have relationships even if it was a married guy but having his baby was the wrong step!! I just hope that he is a good man and will be there for you and his child!! Do try to contact him and let him know how you feel and see what he has to say!!
congrats on your baby though sorry about your situation good luck
2006-06-12 06:17:18 · answer #3 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are or if this is your first time having a "married" boyfriend, but it has been my experience that he will not leave his wife. The child that he has with her is his excuse to keep from leaving her and keep you hanging on. Plus, now you are going to have a child with him, and if he was going to EVER leave his wife, he would have when you got pregnant. As for him being in the service, I would guess you and the wife aren't the only women in his life. (Nothing against service men, it would just be easier for him to cheat on both of you being farther away in the service). Fantasy? If you really think he is going to leave her soon and be with you, I am afraid you may be living in a fantasy world. You need to either tell him to "put up or shut up" or drop him. No need to waste your life with him stringing you along. And, he probably thinks you will let him stay with the wife without any trouble because of his child with her. Think of your own child, is this kind of life what you want him/her to grow up in? Hope this helps and good luck no matter what you decide to do. :)
2006-06-12 06:14:46 · answer #4 · answered by fancypants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, dear; but it sounds like he's using you & stringing you along. And, he knew the risk to more than just his marriage when he started playing that game. Now, the time has come to take responsibility for his actions: I hope he's going to support your child; but even if he offered to leave his wife now, I wouldn't take him if I were you. How can you trust him? His wife probably trusted him, too; or she wouldn't have stayed married to him.
It really annoys me when creeps like that go & give all men a bad reputation; but remember that you allowed it to happen knowing that he had a wife. You have been living in a fantasy world from the moment you found that out & didn't run away as fast as you could. Talk about leaving is very different from actually leaving, as you found out the hard way. Again, I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but you have to stop covering his butt by putting up with it.
Good luck.
2006-06-12 06:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by M Huegerich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too bad you decided to have a love child. The child will never have a good father and the one you wasted your time with is probably drilling another girl right now. Women keep going for the line I love you but. There is no but other than yours at steak and he managed to snow you pretty good. Get a life and if he does not know about the coming baby let him out of it. At least that way You can have a life. With him involved there will always be restarts when he is around only to let the same old story go on and on.
2006-06-12 06:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by hardnose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are going to do? Wait til the child turns 18 by then there will probably be another child. Well first of all don't get yourself upset because it is not good for you or the baby. It's really nothing you can do until he divorces his wife. Service men divorce their wives all the time with or without children. So he's pulling your leg on that one. Remain calm.....you can't do nothing until the baby's come. One thing you will be able to do after the baby come make sure he gives you something for the baby.....but the baby will have to be in his name.....now get ready he might deny paternity.....so you might have to have DNA. I always find that when you prepare for the worst usually things work out in your favor. Good luck and have a healthy baby.
2006-06-12 06:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He definately used you.... you weren't too smart to get involved in the first place. Shame on you. I feel so sorry for these babies that are now unwillingly involved in this mess.
Pick up the pieces of your life, find your self-respect and move on. You can't ruin his family's life any more than you already have. You made this mess so you have to live with the consequences.
You might feel wronged, but it's up to you to keep things from getting really out of hand at this point. Be responsible and leave him to have his own life with the woman he vowed to be with and his legitimate child.
If you really love him, you will let him go, help him avoid being court-marshalled and keep him from divorcing the woman he obviously loves.
You have to be strong now, for your baby. You deserve to be with someone who wants you and only you and you need to show your baby that from the very beginning.
I know it's very complex.... believe me, I know..... but that is the right thing to do.
2006-06-12 06:18:20 · answer #8 · answered by mutherwulf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not a good idea to become involved with a married man, for example ask yourself this question. If I were married to him how would he treat me? because the answer is he would cheat on you! Deep down I don't think he will ever leave, if he were going to he would have done it by now. I know you want to believe what he is telling you but truth be known you only know one side of the story....his side. And now you are gonna have a child by him, the only thing he has accomplished here is making sure his secret is safe because if his wife ever found out he flat out deny that he even knows who you are...Take your child and do what you can to take care of him/her on your own, neither one of you NEED him! And if he does DENY your child you can contact his commanding officer, and after that he will definitely wish he wouldn't have done that.
Good Luck, I hope this helps :-)
2006-06-12 06:17:38 · answer #9 · answered by Karen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you shouldn't have started seeing a married man in the first place. If it was only you, I would say just leave him. But since you're pregnant with his child, your situation is a lot more complicated. Personally, I wouldn't stay with him. Get child support from him and take care of the baby yourself.
Does his wife know??
2006-06-12 06:06:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋