what should u do when your baby is attached?

Question

i am always with my son he is 10 months old and i have been the one in his life. the mom. but eveytime i do something or clean he wines or get mad. he pulls my leg. i always pay attention but i also need to do other things .my sister say just let him fuss it out because if there is nothing wrong with him hes fine. hes starting to pull his hair even if i talk on the phone.i love my son to death, but i think maybe i am spoling him to much. eveytime he fusses i drop what i am doing or pick him up. this is my first child. what should i do?i feel like i am neglecting him even though i am always there playing with him, taking him to the park etc

Answer 1

They say, "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, it was never yours in the first place".

I think this goes for children as well. Take the baby out for a ride in the car, 10 or so miles from home, and leave him in a field. If he doesn't come back to you, then so be it.

If he does come back, he will have practice handling situations on his own and will surely be more independent. Sometimes you have to practice tough love to be a parent, and I think this may be one of those times.

Answer 2

mommatcat is right you may have to do what she did, I know that my sister has had to do the same thing with her little boy ( I also think boys are more prone to do this than girls.)
Also, you are not being a bad mom if you let him cry a bit, it is hard but that is the only way my son would go to bed when we transitioned from the bassinet to the crib in his room. I felt so guilty the 1st time I did it but in the long run it was the best thing for him.

However, if these things do not work...
please do not take this the wrong way, but at age 10 months your little guy should be wanting a little independence. I know that not being able to find out what your child needs is frustrating and can really make you worry, that is why I would suggest having your son evaluated for developmental delays. I only say this because I know all about it, my son has Autism and Sensory Integration Disorder. I am not trying to scare you but better safe than sorry. Check out webmd and developmental disorders, this can be very helpful to you, I promise it could be something as little as chronic ear infections to a developmental problem. Chances are it is probably nothing major, but let me tell you from experience I know that not knowing what your child needs is the most heartbreaking thing for a mom ( of course you know that =) Chances are if your little guy won't stop crying then he has something he wants you to know, like "my ear hurts". Never let anyone talk you out of your gut feelings as a mom, only you know your baby the best that he can be known, and also I do not believe that you can "spoil" a baby by holding them too much, babies need that contact with their moms, research it, its everywhere. Any good pediatrician will tell you the same thing. I hope you find peace of mind soon. Good luck, you sound like you just want the best for your son, you know he deserves the best!

Answer 3

A question like this shows that you are a great mom :)! But, be reassured that by letting him fuss you are NOT neglecting him. All babies want to be held at any time possible. He has you wrapped around his little finger....it's cute, but for your sake and your sanity you need to let him down, let him crawl around and play with things while you get some stuff done. Lets say that you are working in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. If you don't mind, set some metal bowls or pans out and give him a plastic spatula and let him bang away. he's learning and discovering new sounds and you can get something done! Also, if he is pulling his hair, you need to say sternly to him NO because that is not a good thing to get started. YOu are a great mom so don't worry about it. You'll be ok...........

Answer 4

Your sister is right. Let him fuss it out. He's use to having all of your attention. You're not doing him any favors but dropping everything to pay attention to him. Start now by letting him fuss. Eventually he'll start to entertain himself while you're doing other things. By letting him fuss, you're not saying that you don't love him or neglecting him. You're just encouraging him to find his personality and some of his own interests which is perfectly healthy! Besides, there's going to come a day when you have to let him explore the world on his own (school) and it's going to be a lot harder to teach him to be more independent at age 5 than it is at age 10 months! Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all, you can't spoil an infant. They need attention. The fact that your son whails when you don't do what he wants right now is a jealously thing. I am going through the same thing! I have an 11 mo. old girl and I am a stay at home Mom, so I am basically, except for at night when my husband is home, the only one she sees.

My only suggestion is to have your son parted from you once in awhile. Not only will it do him good to get through the separation anxiety, but it will also do good for your own mental health. Is there a neighbor that you trust that can watch him for awhile so you can do what you want to do? What about his grandparents? Is there a Mommy and Me group where you live? Mommy and Me groups are excellent because it gives you a chance to speak with other Mom's, not only about parenting, but about anything when your kids play. Hope that this helps you. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You need to just let him whine and fuss when you need to do something else. You are pampering and "spoiling" him way too much. You can't let him manipulate you like this. If he starts throwing tantrums, just ignore him. If he persists a few slaps on the rear end is not going to hurt him. Buy him some toys to play with so he want be looking at you all the time for attention. And don't put yourself on a guilt trip, you have things to do and need some time to yourself.

Answer 7

Oh sweetie, I've been there, done that and even wrote the book! It is a phase. Sometimes you've just gotta let him scream it out. I had a child that used to bang her head on the floor. She had a bruise on her forehead for quite a long time. When we started a new Church, I told the ladies in the nursery that she does this and to just ignore it. They didn't believe me until they saw it for themselves. I finally had to resort to a water bottle for every time she started this. I hated to but I had to do something. I've got three and only had this out of one.

Answer 8

I went thru this with my first child. It seems there is no one else to play with but you and that he has separation anxiety. What I had to do was learn I was just as attached. It was difficult. I found something he could do along side of me...like at my feet I would give him a bucket with some toys and sand to play with while I did dishes...or let him play with the plastic dishes while I washed the other ones. Then with things he could not quite be along side me to do chores....I would have to set up a play area with a gate. I would explain what I was doing and give him toys maybe even keep him in sight. Then go do my chores. I would check on him every 10 min. I would not go to him everytime he cried. I had to learned to figure out what cries to go to first then ignore the others. I got 'tough'. I gave him the immediate I heard you, but I will come to you in just a minute.Or when on the phone..'mommy heard you, but Im on the phone and you will have to wait a minute.' You can't take too long cause they don't have long attention spans, but make the effort to let him know he has to wait. Eventually I took him out to meet playmates and got him into 'venturing' out with others. I took him to other moms homes with kids and let the kids play together. Granted he would check-in with me, but more and more he would be on his own. Eventually he played more on his own and I also learned he did not need me all the time either. I had to let him figure things out on his own just as much as he had to learn he could do them on his own too.

Answer 9

Ya know it was the hardest thing in the world to realize that I needed to let my little girl cry. It killed me and most of the time I cried right there along with her, but I knew I had to do it. Everyone told me that for a long time, but I could only do it until I was ready and I knew that it was the best thing for both of us in the end. If you start now it will be better off for you and him, but it's your decision.

Answer 10

There are alot of different approaches you can take. Try looking at clubmom.com they have alot of good advice. You could join him in play groups to see other children can play alone, enocouragehim to play alone with toys, or just let him cry it out which is the hardest. If you keep giving in it iwll cause more problems in the future.