I hv a 2yo w/my ex he's been out of the pic for 8mo now he's back and wants to be a dad. What should I do?

Question

I still love him and don't know how to handle him having a relationship with her and the two of us not being together. He has really hurt me in the past but I have forgiven him. Should I tell him how I feel or just wait and see how it plays out. I really want my daughter to know her father, but how do I put my feelings aside.

Answer 1

You really need to think about your child. It isn't fair to prevent the relationship between a kid and their father. Also do you want your son/daughter to blame you later in life for not having a dad around. this could cause some real damage.
At least your kid has a dad that wants to be part of their life, that's alot more I can say for many "fathers" out there.
Maybe you should find someone like a family member or friend to be a mediator between you two to work out times for visits.
After a while of associating with your ex in a civil manner you will probably be able to work together and talk as friends who have something very important in common: a child.

Answer 2

If you really truly love him, then let him go. You don't have to let him back in YOUR life.

When you see him, keep your child the focus of your conversation.

If he tries to ask about you, tell him, "I'm fine thank you" and change the subject to your daughter. It's none of his business how you feel or what you think. Why would you even want to share that with him? Girl, he's moved on, and, you should too. Women don't always NEED a man to be strong for them. Women are strong in themselves.

If a man comes along that sparks your interest, and you can talk, be sure to tell him about your daughter and how you want to move on from your ex, but sometimes when you think of what you thought you had, and having to re-live the fact that it's over, repeatedly, sometimes just gets hard to bear. The right man is going to be there while you get through it, and stick with you. You'll know. Things have a way of working out.

Answer 3

Your gonna have to put your feelings aside and let him be a father. Every little girl needs her father no matter what kind of men they are and how you feel about them. Let him try. And make sure he is giving you child support. Do NOT let him off on that. But allow him to see and spend time with his daughter. You never know he may enjoy being a dad and want to come back and be a family with you and change his ways. Dont let the way you feel about him interfer with his relationship with his daughter.

Answer 4

You must put your feelings to the back burner for the moment the most important thing is he is able and willing to be involved in your daughters life. She deserves to have that ability to have a relationship with her father. Just hang in there and when its time to talk to him then you will know its time. See unfortunately what happened between the two of you has absolutely nothing to do with your daughter and his relationship so do not confuse the two. In order to put your feelings to the side just think long and hard and ask yourself this question " Is it important to me that she has a relationship with her father and at the cost of my feelings".? If it was meant to be for the two of you then trust me it will be again. Just stick with your natural thoughts and go with what life throws your way. You appear to have some common smarts and im sure will make the right decision. Good luck to you and your daughter

Answer 5

First of all, you need to make sure he's actually wanting a relationship with his daughter, and not just trying to get back together with you.
Second, if you do decide to restart a relationship with him, be very clear and distinct about your boundries with you and your daughter. Let him in gradually at first, then work him into part of the family unit, if that's what you desire.
Most importantly though, make sure he's going to stick around. You don't want him showing up and playing "Daddy" for a few weeks then taking off. That's just not fair to your daughter at all, and she's not old enough to understand.

Answer 6

When you give birth that child becomes the center of your world...all of your needs and wants now come second to that kid. If he wants to be a father there is NO reason to not let him have a relationship with your daughter. If you have problems with him you really need to set them aside. It is just plain selfish to not give them a chance because you guys can't be together, she still deserves to know her daddy.

Answer 7

I was married for 14 years....I have three children with my ex who are 14, 10 and 6. He has never been a part of their life like a regular Dad just only when he decided he wanted to be. I left him 3 years ago because he is a crack addict and I couldnt take the abuse anymore. It tore my kids up and they blamed me. I got them counseling and I worked two fulltime jobs to support them. In the last 3 years he was a part of their lives for about 6-8 months and then he only threw money at them. He disappeared 3 months ago and I hope it is permanant...he did more damage than good. they are very mad at him and dont wish to see him. their counseling continues and they will be ok. I work 10 hrs a day to raise them...I get no child support no welfare I earn every dime. Its hard as hell but they are my babies and I will die for them to make sure they grow up loved, healthy and happy. Your daughter is young....if he is willing to be a good Daddy and support her and spend time with her and love her then give him a chance. Its very hard to see him and not be with him but for me I saw the same man I was with and I got over it and besides I found my soulmate and Im very happy. If you see that it is hurting your daughter cut him off and move on. You need to worry about the child....I will always love my ex I was with him from 22 to 36....he was my whole world....but Im ok and my babies are my priority and I found a man who is only 29(Im 40) that took me and my children unconditionally and is willing to grow old with me. You will find that one day but make sure he loves your child too. Hang in there and God Bless!!! As for your feelings for him it will only complicate things but I vented to my ex and he had a new gf...I was able to tell him how I felt and what he did and I didnt care if she was there or not it helped me to heal and move on. For the first time I felt free and it enabled me to have the relationship with the one I have now.

Answer 8

Let him be a dad. But let him know that being a dad means paying child support on a regular basis. But first try it supervised and as you feel more comfortable and she feels more comfortable then let him spend some alone time. Also sit down and talk to him about the rules, etc that you have in place for your 2 yr. old.

Answer 9

As hard as it is for you to accept, your relationship may be over for good. You have to put your feelings aside for the sake of your daughter. You're right, she has every right to know her father. If you keep them apart just because you're hurt that you can't be with him, your daughter will grow up and resent you for keeping them apart. It's hard and it will continue to be hard, but just know that your daughter is the most important thing and you have the responsibility as a parent to do the right thing for her.

Answer 10

First thing you need to do is cut him out of your life. However, you may set up suitable arrangements for him to be a dad to your child. As long as you are not sending mixed signals, there is no reason you can not seperate the two. When he is on a visit with his child, go out with your friends. Keep yourself busy!!!!! Good Luck & Stay Strong!!!! You deserve better!!!!!