my husband and i are in our second marriages.
i got divorced from the 1st marriage because he and i evntually realised that we really weren't meant to be together and that even by keeping married, . made things worse! Met someone who was exactly like me, dated, married and now have a kid. Things though are no longer the same...have been falling apart and what I keep asking is for him to spend time with us. I feel that it would get us closer again. But for him, for us to get closer and to help our relationship to get better is that he is out with his friends all the time. how is that going to help. how could he do his part when i'm here at home and his partying out. it's different when he invites me along but it's always JUST A BOYS thing...am i just being too sensitive or should i just finally say...THAT'S IT?!
2006-06-12 04:02:24 · 13 answers · asked by a_yogini 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1st of all thank you to everyone's advise. I just need to add, we had tried counselling, ended up spending much on it but hadn't helped. the counselor just ended up like a translator. when i said things, he didn't agree but when the counselor said exactly what i said, he understood and agreed. i don't easily give up, for years i keep fighting for this relationship bec it's impt to me, esp now bec of our son. i just wanted to hear other people's point of view. all i hear here at home is that i'm unreaasonable for not letting spend time with his friends (untrue) as if i was being unreasonable to ask him for quality family time. i am not desperate to have dates again with him, it would be nice though to still go out and have fun once in a while. i want us to continue sharing things with each other for us to grow closer...problem is.. he doesn't!
2006-06-12 14:49:44 · update #1
ammm you both seem like the kind of people who get up and run everytime you hit a problem (him more than u). life's never gonna be simple and straight forward and happy! you gotta think of ways to resolve the issue before u give up. if he's not willing to devote time to solve this, then maybe you should take a short break to your parents/friends. see how he reacts - does he miss you? does he want you? will he come back for you and try to settle matters? if not, then you've tried more than you have now, and it's just his pure uninterest. not your fault. at least you won't have the guilt of feeling like there was something more you could have done. good luck!
2006-06-12 04:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by conspicuous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get couple's therapy to try to work things out. It seems a little petty to get a divorce when your relationship is completely salvagable. You both seem to be set in your ways, perhaps even stubborn. And you are both right-fighters. You need to stop thinking of your own needs and look at how your behaviours will effect that child.
Divorce is a tragedy, especially for children. And you are both teaching that child that when things don't go well, just throw in the towel. Whatever happened to try again?
Seeking help can also help solidify your family unit. I'm sure both of you have good intentions but you're not thinking of your family as a whole but your individual needs.
And don't forget that you both need to work on keeping that spark lit in your relationship. Start going out for weekly dates. Then take some nights off to spend with your girlfriends and leave him to babysit. He may just get the point that way.
2006-06-12 04:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by NVgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a guy's thing. He is just being selfish the way most guys are. He needs to stay home with you and try to work this out. Both of you need to sit down and talk. If not there between yourselves then with a counselor or a pastor qualified to counsel in this area. Filing for divorce should be the last resort after you have tried other avenues to get it to work out. Good luck
2006-06-12 04:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Julie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to sit down and talk. Find out why he's always only going out with the guys.
You definitely need to tell him that you feel neglected. Not only that, if he's neglecting you, he's also neglecting your child.
Divorce shouldn't be the first solution. Try to work things out, go see a family therapist even. Then, if neither one of you is happy and you both actually tried to fix your problems, divorce would be good.
I definitely don't think that you should stay together just for the child.
2006-06-12 04:09:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't say thats it you need to work on this for the kid cause split parents is a worrible thing to deal with as a kid and beside until you try and work on this you can't just give up try to compromise have a date night set aside where you eat dinner adn watch a movie together you don't have to go out you can just do it at home and spend time together you have to let him have guy time in his life or he will go crazy so let him have it and also spend time with you also you can try a relationship counceler
2006-06-12 04:07:46 · answer #5 · answered by snowboarder 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI sorry your feeling like you do. and i can see why. it takes two to work at a marriage. but it takes two to sort a marriage out. all i can say is don't give up to easy after all its not only your marriage you have a child to.do everything you have to do to get him to see what he is doing to you. and try telling him how close you are at calling it a day with your marriage. if you do everything you can to save it. and the worst happens that you part. at-lest you will know in your heart you did everything you could to save it. i do hope you can work things out. and you can be happy. weather it be with or without him.just remember.men take sometimes longer that we women to settle down to married life. best wishes for your future,
2006-06-12 04:13:21 · answer #6 · answered by sammylee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For real listen this really sounds like your being sensitive and because youv been through a divorce allready you find its the easiest way out. Marrige takes alot of hard work and when you give up its just like your giving up on your kids life.
2006-06-12 04:07:32 · answer #7 · answered by mex_mafias_best 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've givin him some time. But it makes the desicoin harder because you have a child. Maby try going on a vacation with him (just you and him) and try to sort things out. But your the only one who can make that desition. Ask your self if he is a helpfull man, if he works and has a steady job, if he cares for you and his family?
2006-06-12 04:10:10 · answer #8 · answered by horse lover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are not being too sensitive. If he's out with his friends all the time, he doesn't value you or want to spend the time with you. I'd sit him down and have a talk with him. If that doesn't work, don't waste anymore of YOUR precious time with him. He married a wife, not a mother.
2006-06-12 04:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by lynda_is 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not file for divorce here... Seek help and counseling for your marriage and try to make it work out. Do other things with him that he likes to do and go partying with him at times! He needs to basically grow up and learn to put you above his friends!
2006-06-12 05:12:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋