I found e-mails from a girl he met on vacation (I asked another question about this if you want all the details). I really want to confront him about it but I dont want him to think I was snooping. He is really sweet to me and I never imagined there was another girl. What should I do? I kept my mouth shut all weekend and I will contine to but this is really bothering me. I know the only way I can know the truth is to ask him.
2006-06-12 03:23:34 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
she lives in central america and we live in the usa. and yes there were emails to and from both of them.
2006-06-12 03:30:14 · update #1
he left his account open on my computer so i clicked it because i thought mine was up (because it always is) and i saw emails i didnt recognize. (this was all an accident) the part that wasnt an accident was when i saw a girls name with a cute subject so i opened it
2006-06-12 03:35:31 · update #2
Well, first of all you need to know that by asking him is not the way to the truth. If there is/was something going on, he's certainly not going to tell you.
What does need to happen is a "BOUNDARIES" conversation. This is where 99% of the population goes in the wrong direction. We ask our mates "did you do this or did you do that" and blah blah blah but what we REALLY need to be doing is "telling our mates what our expectations are and what our boundaries are".
The way to do this is do decide what you want from this relationship. Do you want him to not have contact with any women? If so, you have to tell him. Do you want him to be able to have contact with other women but under certain circumstances? Then you need to tell him. You have to look at what you want and you have to do that with GREAT SPECIFICITY. but the same standards have to apply to you too. What's good for you is good for him and vice versa. So my approach would be this:
" Honey, I really care/love/like you and I think you are such a great guy. something is really bothering me though and I want to talk to you about it. I accidentally opened your email the other day and couldn't help but notice the emails that you had. I totally trust you but I am not comfortable with you corresponding with someone. I don't want to stop you from being able to talk to other women but I would appreciate it if you could keep me involved in the process and keep me informed so that I don't get insecure. Can you do that?". If he can't than he is not concerned enough about doing what it takes to make you feel secure and you should consider that when deciding how great this guy really is. A person who loves another will do what is reasonable to create a "safe" feeling for that person.
This is why it is so important to understand what your boundaries are in order for you to communicate them to your partner. Good luck and be specific. This isn't really about the email, it's about what the ground rules are from now on.
2006-06-12 03:35:14 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
First of all, let me start off by saying this...You and I both know that you didn't open his email by accident. The first step you need to take is admitting that you knew exactly what you were doing. Now, after admitting that, you definately shouldn't feel bad about it because we ALL do things like that at some point or another during a relationship...Here's what you should consider...Have you ever heard of the old sayings, "seek and ye shall find" OR "What you don't know won't hurt you" With this being said..once you decided to go into his email, you should have told yourself that if there was something there you couldn't handle, then it would be on you and you shouldn't have been invading his privacy like that anyway...True, there's nothing you can do about that at this point, because what's done is done...Now, you're just gonna have to come clean to him about what you did and let him know what you found out. You shouldn't keep quiet about it, because thats just not gona work for you, no matter how you look at it. It's ALWAYS gonna bother you and you're ALWAYS gonna wonder what's going on with him and this mystery girl from day to day....CONFRONT HIM!!!
2006-06-12 03:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by mesofemme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would definately confront him just tell him the truth that you accidently opened up his e-mail and found some stuff you didn't approve of. all you want is some honesty and him to be truthful to you. yes he may be upset for you getting into his e-mail even by accident but you have a right to be upset. and he shouldn't be given his e-mail address away while on vacation what was he thinking. now this gives you a reason to get in his e-mail a little more to see what all is on there and who it is from. i would be mad guys shouldn't do that because they get so mad when a girl does it but he shoudn't do that to you and one wrong doesn't make a right.
and since the e-mails where sent back and forth then i would derfinately be worried and accidents do happen so don't worry about it not being an accident
2006-06-12 03:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by rebelgurl_26241 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never "accidently" opened anyone else's email. That is a little difficult to do don't you think? Heck, sometimes I don't even type my own password in right and have to retype it. Okay, so you snooped and found something you shouldn't have found. You proably need to confront him BUT be ready because you already breached a trust by snooping. That was wrong. It may not be anything like you think but now that you've snooped, you won't know until you do confront him. You said you found emails from her to him (but none from him to her???) --- that could be a hint right there. Before you leap into a big fight - you may want to think this over.....
2006-06-12 03:28:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can take relief in the truth that she instructed him she shouldn't have a drink with him. Though it does look as though he could also be fascinated about creating a transfer to your spouse. Chances are she likes simply the concentration...for now. If I had been you, I might hold the truth that you noticed this electronic mail a mystery and begin displaying her a few extra concentration. I'm now not announcing that you are ignoring her now, but when she is starting to love the concentration from an extra guy, you on no account understand in which it might lead. A little additional care along with her might be simply what she demands to fail to remember approximately this different man and get what she demands from you by myself. Also, get a location of your possess speedily.
2016-09-09 00:07:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No thats not the only way you can find the truth get on his account and email her pretending to be him and ask her how she feels about you (as in him not the real you)! that way if your boyfriend isnt cheating on you he wont get mad at you for thinking he was or there was another girl but if she says that she likes him like thinks he is cute or as a bf then ya you should go confront him asap!
hope this helps good luck
2006-06-12 03:29:12 · answer #6 · answered by Nightchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, is he cheating?, or are you making a big deal out of this, and you should be careful, because you may end up, felling very embarrassed if he tells you that is a friend and if he proves that jajajjajajjaj, you already broke something there, really, i had a problem like that, my ex, opened a email, we got to a tremendous fight and i decided to run, i was tired of the snooping around all the time, if there's no trust, then,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but on the other hand you can not stay like that, you have to tell him, and good luck,,,, and i don't get it, why do people do that, really i don't get it.......
2006-06-12 03:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by snorlax72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is risky. If you tell him you've been snooping he'll think you don't trust him. If the other girl isn't local, you've got nothing to worry about and should just drop it. If is she local or he's likely to visit her, you need to confront him. If his emails suggest they did something while on vacation, you need to confront him to know if he used protection so you know that you are safe. Not every girl/boy relationship is romantic. Sometimes both girls and boys are just enjoying the other giving them some attention.
2006-06-12 03:33:39 · answer #8 · answered by le5aew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should get a glass of wine in ya...then yes ask him! If that was your email with a cute subject he would have done the same thing...If he is your boyfriend there should be no reason to be afraid to talk to him. And before you get all worked up about it decide if the emails were inappropriate.
2006-06-12 05:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you opened it you must of realized it so you should of closed it so I doubt it was 'accidental'. Anyways, now that you know, you might as well confront him as it will always bother you so might as well get it over with now. He may break up with though due to the fact he will believe you are snooping on him.
2006-06-12 03:26:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋