He pays to stay w/ someone and he's never there. He stays at my place all of the time and when he has his 2 kids. He never offers to help me w/ anything. And offers no help towards bills. His outlook is, "If you need my help all you have to do is ask". I was brought up that offering and taking initiative is more considerate then waiting to be asked! Also I have made several comments about needing help. We have a lot in common and I care about him. But I get annoyed and am unhappy because of these things sometimes. If I say something he makes it look like I am nagging! I feel like life is to short for this crap. Am I over reacting? What do I do?
2006-06-12 02:30:18 · 27 answers · asked by Lisa Marie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
DUMP HIM
2006-06-14 04:09:03 · answer #1 · answered by hhhthegame 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT over reacting. I know how you feel and they put it on you that you are nagging. I simply told my fiance "If you don't want to hear me nag about it, then do it!".
Honestly, if he has kids and he doesn't help you then I wouldn't let him stay there. I know you really care about him but you didn't say you loved him. Maybe you do, maybe you don't or even unsure. I would find out whether someone like him is worth keeping because if you do love him and want to marry him, more than likely he will not change. You need to bring it up to him that he needs to change or he can't stay there. He needs to understand that help doesn't need to be asked, it should be a given to help you.
2006-06-12 09:34:27 · answer #2 · answered by jessigirl00781 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You are not overreacting. If you are allowing him to use your home as an overnight residence and he is not giving you anything but sex, that is a one-sided and unfair expectation for him to wait and withhold his assistance from you when you need help. If he has his own residence, then let him stay in the place he is currently paying to stay in until he develops a more overt concern for your needs and offers you more than a male presence and a few episodes of lovemaking. Life is more than sex and love is more than just promises. Best wishes.
2006-06-12 09:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not over reacting... If he is paying rent else where, but is at your house.. His duty is to help you.. You might as well say, he is living with you... His kids are HIS responsibility, not yours..
You need to put your foot down and set some rules... If he is going to be there, then he needs to help financially and when he has his kids, he needs to attend them, and you will help if you want...
If he cares about you, he will understand where you are coming from, if not, then cut the cord.. Don't let anyone take advantage of your kindness.....
Life is too short to waist on anyone that doesn't appreciate you...
GOOD LUCK!
2006-06-12 09:36:51 · answer #4 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is living there anyway why not ask him to move in? tell him what bills he will pay and what things he will have to take care of. like dishes or trash you know. or you could tell him that you need the help, he should offer and he should do more and if all you have to do is ask well then ask. worse thing he will say no then you will not be any worse of. but he already said he would if you ask so ask. swallow your pride and go for it.
2006-06-12 09:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT overreacting at all. Anyone in your position would feel the same way. I know I would. I mean, if you 2 are gonna be together then you should definately approach him about how you feel. If he wants to make it out as if you're naggin', then hell,that's another reason for him to go. I mean, no offense to you, but I just hate it when people go on and on about how much they have in common with a person and how much they care about a person to justify why they DO put up with their BS...You're gonna have to love yourself FIRST....Consider how it makes you feel and if you're unhappy, then you should definately kick him out!!
2006-06-12 09:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by mesofemme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby girl, you've allowed this situation to go on for too long & now he's gotten comfortable with it (I mean, who wouldnt want a free ride). That's no kind of life for you being in a one sided relationship. I would have a very serious sit down with this person and tell him how you feel and tell him what you expect from him & set some healthy boundaries. If he cant respect that you might want to consider telling him to go find another doormat to step on.
2006-06-12 09:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mary A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r not over reacting and life is too short for this crap. Be straight up w/ him...it sounds hard And let him know how you feel, You DO NOT want to put up with it forever. If YOU have to do evrything then let him know its either help out or leave. You dont have to be ugly just honest.
2006-06-12 09:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by shelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your under reacting, you really need to set some financial obligation guidelines...since it appears financial and not social is the issue, perhaps allow him to live there and that would make it understandable for him to pay his share...Its sad he is intentionally dodging such financial obligations...talk to him face to face and tell him what you expect him to pay or write it down on paper...but don't let this slide, he doesn't have a problem overlooking your needs...good luck.
2006-06-12 09:40:24 · answer #9 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not over reacting. Tell the bum to either get with it and start paying his own way, or he has to get out. It's not like he has nowhere else to go--he pays at the other place, right? He is playing you, and you are letting him.
2006-06-12 09:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by Waferette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to help after you ask, don't expect him to get better. He's proven that he isn't interested in trying harder. So ditch the guy now and move on. Better happy single than miserable together.
2006-06-12 09:34:46 · answer #11 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋