I have a friend that recently questioned his sexual prefrence. He is 24 and from Indian culture. According to his family, this is a big "NO, NO!" He's experimented here and there, but never had sex or an actual realationship.
Over the last month, after my convincing, he set out to try it again. A guy picked him up at a book store and they went back to his place for drinks. After a couple hours of chatting they started to make-out. Over the clothes, my friend reached over and started to stroke the other guys ****. Almost immedietly, my friend grabbed his things and took off in fear!
Please keep in mind, this was a big step for my friend. Now he is convinced that he is straight again. BUT, if it walks like a duck, and acts like a duck........
What should the next step be? I want to show my support but he refuses to even mention the word "gay." What can I do to further assist, without making him angry? I hate seeing my friend in pain because of the confusion.
2006-06-11 23:01:13 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
HOLD ON, wait a minute! My friend has slept with girls, admitted to me he was GAY, and asked for my help. Im not pushing ANYTHING on him. Please re-read the question before answering. (I need advice to give HIM, this is NOT for me or what I should and shouldnt do! He needs help.)
2006-06-12 11:35:40 · update #1
tell him he is bi-sexual...that way it gives him a way out...he will quack like a duck in due time!!!
2006-06-11 23:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by joy ride 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are messing big time with someone else's life.
It seems that you have decided for him that he is gay, and you keep pressing the issue with him. Maybe he is just curious. Since it is a no, no in his country, he is just curious about it. Being curious about something doesn't mean that a person wants it.
Many people are confused about sexuality at some point in their life.
Leave him alone. Is being a friend mean pushing someone to identify a sexual preference. Stop pushing the issue. He needs time not pressure to figure this thing out. If he wants to talk about it again he will bring it up. You are running the risk that he will not talk to you about this anymore because he will be afraid you will push him into something he is not ready for again.
Friends don't disrespect one's family and culture.
2006-06-12 07:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by invisable_id 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, at least he tried it. If he wasn't turned on by it then he's not gay. Has he even been with a woman? I don't care if he 'walks like a duck, acts like a duck', if the guy doesn't like to play with cock, he's not gay. If you think it was just a panic spasm and you insist on meddling, hook him up on a blind date with a cross-dresser. Just make sure to give your friend a picture of the guy, in drag, before the date so he has a clue about his date. Or better yet, find a woman for him to get it on with and see what he thinks about that. Through my experiences, Ive learned that love is more important than sex. He may be a sensitive guy who thought he was gay because he was more sensitive than other guys. Maybe what he needs is a nice girl who isnt going to pressure him. Does he masturbate? Does he look at porn when he does it? What kind of porn, and what does he focus on when he does?
2006-06-11 23:16:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there isn't much you can do at this point. You cant drag him kicking and screaming out of the closet, it HAS to be his choice. You can be a friend, you can be there for him, you can be supportive IF he wants to talk, but you can't make him ok and you can't fix this for him.
While it is hard to stand by and watch, the pain and confusion he is going through is a normal and important part of the coming out process. It is only by going through this pain that he is going to come to terms with who he is. It can't be rushed or fixed by someone else because it doesn't work that way. Sorry.
2006-06-12 09:17:53 · answer #4 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something he must do on his own , if he is truly gay then he will eventually come to realize it without any help . Its a sexually orientation , he was born that way and he will see that eventually . Maybe he need to meet a girl and try sex with her and see what happens then he will know for sure .
2006-06-12 02:24:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what you do if hes so convinced hes gay tell him you want to have sex with him if he turns you down hes still gay if not then hes not. if you don't want to do that then give him a kiss and if he jerks away from you .... you know the rest. Then you can tell hm you were just helping him find out whether he was still gay or not
2006-06-12 00:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by CoCoBunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
advise dude to stay clear of pick-up spots like bookstores if he is not looking for a quick ****. Maybe meeting and dating someone then getting to know them for months before sexual in tercourse would be more up his alley, thats the way I handled it when trying to find the right one.
2006-06-12 02:14:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has to come to terms (or not) with it on his own. You cannot force insight on a person, it just doesn't work, no matter how much we want to help them. The only thing you should do is make yourself available to listen to him if he ever wants to talk anything else could strain your friendship.
2006-06-12 01:56:19 · answer #8 · answered by sooziebeaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously his fear of being gay outweight anything that he ever face. Just be there for him . Nothing else you can do to out him if he's not ready. I just hope that he does not force himself to get married and have children and later start haivng affairs with guys. It's very common for gay men with deep homophobic emotion.
2006-06-12 05:57:19 · answer #9 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TAKE COURAGE ! THERE IS HOPE.
Tell him to reinvent himself by going to the gym to build his muscles, learn some martial arts skills, wear manly clothes, watch lots of action movies, and ask his permission to remind him if he is walking like a duck.
All the best.
2006-06-12 00:11:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have him watch this gay Indian movie called "Pretty in Pink" it was a new release a year ago, so its fairly new
2006-06-18 14:49:33 · answer #11 · answered by ~∂Їβ~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋