How should I know?

Question

I know of this girl well and I think I may have a chance to get her one day. However, I am concerned about her family background and history.

As of now, I do not really know much about her background and her past. She seems okay and she seems to have a clean record. She works in a shop and lived alone away from her parents. She like to go clubbing every weekend.

However, that is all I know of her. What she was before, I do not know. I really worry because if I were to propose to her and subsequently find out she had a dark history, this will not only affect our marriage. It will also bring grief to my family, ie, my parents and siblings.

Should I be concerned about her background? This is because this is something I really don't know. Should I know whether has she a prison record, or whether was she ever a hooker once? Do you think I should be concerned about all these? I mean, it will certainly affect my family if she has an unclean record.

Thanki you to all for your replies. Pehaps what Wendy has replied is what I worried most. Yup, perhaps what others said are also correct. I need to know her first

Answer 1

YOU'RE SMART TO WORRY ABOUT HER BACKGROUND. YOU SHOULD REALLY GET TO KNOW HER BEFORE YOU ASK HER TO MARRY YOU. MEET HER FAMILY. YOU CAN'T JUST GO INTO THIS BLIND. I'D GO AS FAR AS CONTACTING A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR AND HAVE THEM RUN A BACKGROUND CHECK. I MEAN THIS IS THE WOMAN YOU'D LIKE TO MARRY AND THE WOMAN WHO WILL ONE DAY HAVE YOUR CHILDREN. I SAY YOU'RE SMART TO BE CONCERNED.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND TAKE CARE.

Answer 2

I think I am quite disturbed by some of the replies posted. I think it is of utmost important we all know who we are marrying. It is better to know the person before making the next move.

The analogy is just like that to a friend. Back in our school days, didn't our parents tell us to mix around with only good classmates? Why do you think they tell that? What do you think can happen if you mix with the wrong people? How will your results be affected?

Its the same here. What your spouse is, his/her past, his/her character is of utmost importance in your marriage. If he/she was a hooker, there is no telling what incurable disease he/she may have. Some disease also do not come out until a few months later, like Aids. Are you going to regret what you do later?

Likewise, if he/she was a former thief, there is no telling he/she won't go back to his/her old ways?

What about her old friends? Do you want to face them? Be smart. Don't over react, but find out about her first.

Answer 3

How about...try getting to know her before you make a life-long commitment to her. Meet her family. Do some pre-marrital counseling sessions if it's progressing that way.

Talk to her. Find out some of those things. If you're worried about a dark past, tell her about someone in your world (we all have that family member or family friend) who has a prision record. See how she responds. I've had coworkers who used hookers. Maybe you know of someone who has. We drove through the "red light zone" in New York when I was a kid. Approach the subject like that. A movie. (Lifetime has a lot of good ones to promote discussion..if she's anywhere near the typical women I know, she'd love it if you sat down to an afternoon of "chick flicks" and a big bowl of popcorn and talked to her about them during the commercials)

Get to know her!

Answer 4

I'm a bit confused as to why you fear that this girl may have a tainted background?

At the same time, she could think the very thing of you as well.

What you have done in your life up to now is your past - it is ancient history - there is nothing you can do to alter your past - you have made mistakes, learned from them, grown, etc.

So what if this woman made mistakes in her past - if she has made mistakes, then she has paid her debt to society, is now a model citizen - and has no plans nor desires to get into trouble now or the future, then why the fuss?

Why even consider that she might have a tained past? And if you find out that she has done some very wrong things in the past, no one is holding a gun to your head to say that you HAVE to marry her.

But I seriously doubt that she has anything but a normal, average past like you have had.

Simply get to know her - you may find that once you get to know her that you have absolutely nothing in common - so anything and everything is possible.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

The way you've got to look at any new relationship is that Today is the first day, who cares about her past, if you're hung up on who she slept with, what she did, then you need to realized that people have pasts and love, true love, is about the relationship you have. You sound like a guy who has the Marry my Mom syndrome, people are people. If you fall in love, forget about anyones past and just go with it, you sound very insecure, sounds like you should wait to get into a serious relationship or you're going to create some serious problems in your life. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Have you ever actually met this girl??? It sounds as if she's someone you've observed from afar. Maybe you should get to know her first. That's usually the first step most people take when they want to find out about someone. If she has a past that you absolutely can't live with, then you better not get romantically involved with her. So, would her past (assuming she has a checkered past) bother you or your family? Who would be involved with this girl? You? Your family? Maybe you're too creepy for her. If I knew who she was I would tell her to run as far away from you as possible and not look back!

Answer 7

I hate to say it, you sound sensitive, but you are not without your reasons. I also feel quite concerned with some of the replies you received.

I think the best way for me to explain why I agree with you is for you to read the comments I put in my web. I specially created it to reply to your question as there is not enough space for me to put my answer here.

I also hope to get something very clear here. Be wise and be smart. It is better to be safe than sorry.

http://www.geocities.com/jinhuahee/know.html

Answer 8

Sometimes reading some of these replies makes me feel whether I am living in dreamland.

Who you marry is somebody that can affect your life someday. Of course, you need to know her more. You just can't walk into a marriage so blindly.

Go and learn about her. Find out more about her. Who knows? Just like one of ther person above who had also said, she may also be finding about you now.

Don't be an idoit. You can't just walk into a marriage like that. Get to know her more.

Answer 9

i'm gone be upfront and straight wit you.... if your so dang worried bout her background then come out and ask her bout it i mean i'm sure she will tell you if not there is a sitei dont know the site tho but you can go and found out if she has a bad record but you got to know where she lives and alot of things bout her so.... but i know you can do that... look man i dont see why wat happened in HER past would affect UR future wit her... i mean so wat if she went to prison it could have been b/c of something stupid i'm sure she didnt kill anyone and if she WAS a hooker or something i mean if she isnt NOW then why worry... and if ur worried bout that common thing that most ppl r worried bout a std go take her to the doctor b4 you do anything wit her as a matter of fact tell her you both could go get check so she wouldnt think nothin was up.... or i mean dude like i said b4 come straight out wit her and ask her upfront... have anymore questions im me casey04003

Answer 10

you sound paranoid. are you planning on being president one day or what.
her past is no concern of yours. you are only speculating that you may have a chance with her. you sound very possessive and controlling. like a type a personality. lighten up or you may find yourself alone for a very long time. women are less likely to put up with your kind these days. I suppose you have a squeaky clean back round! or do you just expect her to have one!