Marriage advice?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 15 years.
We are both in our thirtys . Is there something in the air?
Sudden full moons often? WHAT GIVES.
We have been through good times and bad times.
We have been through seperations and survived them.
We were best friends during seperations and after.
We are usually happy go lucky people.
But here lately, all we seem to do is argue.
Its like we cant see eye to eye on anything.
He is always upset and blames me for every argument.
He speaks to me unkind often now and no matter how much
I ask him not to speak to me in that tone , he will say
I AM NOT SPEAKING TO YOU IN A TONE (in a tone).
I dont believe in Divorce and have beautiful children.
I dont want to run but at the same time, I just cannot live
the rest of my life with this kind of relationship.
I dont understand whats going on all of a sudden.
Its been for about a year now . WHAT CAN I DO?

bigdog you have some good points
But as I said , I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE.

But the part about not liking each other is a concern. He is so iritable lately, and seems very self absorbed. He for example is trying to find a truck . He found a pretty one, very nice, I went with him to look at it. Told him how great I think it is and how much I hope he can get it financed. I told him how happy I was for him if he got it because I know how much he wants one. I try hard often to encourage him. But for the past two weeks its like all he thinks about is that truck. He no longer helps me out around the house at all nor does he play with the kids nor does he spend much time talking to me. He spends all his free time looking at trucks or talking on the phone with his co workers about the truck or talking to anyone who will listen about the truck. This is just one example. I dont want to be selfish. But I am feeling that his attitude towards others is much better than towards me.

Answer 1

Seek counseling and help for this!!!! Pray about it and buy the book the Power of the Praying wife. See if he would be open to going to marriage counseling with you.... He also may need anger management clasess too!

Answer 2

There's obviously something he's not happy about, and it may or may not be you. Maybe it's something else entirely and he's just taking it out on you. Or maybe you've been treating him different lately and he doesn't know why so he's freaking out about it. It *may* not be all his fault, and you have to acknowledge that before any meaningful change can happen.

The only way to actually get through this is to be honest with each other, WITHOUT arguing. Underneath all the happy gooshy stuff, there has to be a certain kind of logic, and the ability to communicate. If you can't sit down and talk about your problems rationally, how can you solve them? So if you guys have somehow lost the ability to do that, get a professional or someone you trust to help you talk through it. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

Discuss with him calmly what is going on. Keep emotions out of the discussions. Is he happy ? How's his work ? Is he having money issues he's not telling you about ? Is his life not turning out the way he thought it would ? Is he contemplating an affair (or is having one) ? etc.

If he can't do this calmly, think about going to a marriage counselor or perhaps going to a marriage retreat weekend with several other couples (often hosted by churches).

Answer 4

Go to counciling. If you can't afford a therapist, talk to your pastor/priest/minister/spiritual advisor.
There is some under lying problem. Someone in this relationship is unhappy and blames the other for it.
You BOTH owe it to your kids to try and work this out. It sounds like you're willing to try, what about him?

Answer 5

What you are going thru is called Verbal abuse, and no one needs to live with that, because believe it or not, it does mess with your mind, either tell him to go to counseling with you or he will have to go. I didn't believe in divorces either, three divorces ago. You cannot live with someone who is going to talk to you like a dog all of the time. Whether you have children or not, it's not right to put them thru all that. Think of you and your kids first, you might want to reconsider your belief on divorces.

Answer 6

put GOD first in your marriage. put it in GOD's hand. he can and will work it all out in his will. u got to have faith and believe. it wont go on forever. u and him cant make it on your own u need JESUS, that will really make it work. u are going to have ups and downs but GOD can bring u through and into brighter days. pray and try not to argue. communicate with him and show him much love. i been where u are. GOD working it out for us. im same as u dont believe in divorce either. GOD bless u and your marriage.

Answer 7

You need to look at him and ask yourself what do I see, ask yourself what do i feel when I look at him. Stop saying how he is treating you ask yourself how you feel when you look at him. Maybe you just don't like him anymore. And maybe perhaps he doesn't like you anymore it sounds like another separation is needed.