How can i stop feeling this way?!?

Question

ok, i am 19. when i was 17 i met a guy, well man, that was 26. i was very reluctant to start talkin to him. but he was very persistent. i was a senior in high school. i was a "good girl". i went to church every wednesday and sunday. i didnt drink or smoke. i was a virgin, i had actually never kissed anyone before. so i start talkin to him and all that comes crumbling down slowly. i am totally different from how i used to be. i now have a 8 month old baby. and i get so depressed because my life has changed so much. i feel like i lost what was left of my childhood and my innoncence. i love my baby with all my heart. but sometimes i wish i would have never met my ex. who, by the way, talked me into getting pregnant then cheated on me the whole time i was pregnant. i feel like when i think like that, by regreting it, i let my child down. i want to stop feeling this way.

Answer 1

What happened is now history so quit looking back and start planning for your future and your babies future. You made some mistakes, we all do and many that we regret for a long long long time. You can only control the present and learn from your mistakes. So continue to love your baby and make good decisions for the both of you. It is never too late for us to start over and make our lives better. It sounds like you are a good person, so don't feel bad - you brought a beautiful person into the world - be proud of your baby and make the best possible world you can for the both of you! Best of luck!
Joe

Answer 2

Be happy with your life right now, just because you got pregnant and stuff with an older man, doesn't mean you COMPLETELY changed! I'm sure you still have a lot of the things you loved about yourself before with you! Feel blessed and happy that you have a healthy baby! It will take a while to get used to, because yes you have changed. You have a lot more responsability now but you are a mother. Be proud, and give your baby all the love you can. We cannot escape change, sometimes it seems to come quicker than we want, but that is how life is. Life would not be life if we never changed. I hope you see this, and I hope you stay a child in heart, and a mother in spirit. I hope you feel better..

Answer 3

You can't just stop feeling this way, and it would be a bad idea to try. You should feel rage, regret, and grief at being abused in this way, and you should honor those feelings. If you try to deny or suppress those feelings they will turn on you and lead to depression or other problems that will make you less effective as a parent than honest regret.

There is nothing wrong with viewing this episode as a mistake and an affront and at the same time loving one result of it (your baby). Probably other mistakes you've made had mixed results, some bad and some good. In time the pain will subside and you will take this all more calmly, but you can't rush the process.

If you can talk to other young single moms it would help you process these feelings and sort out good and bad. Preferably in some kind of support group. Longer term, another way to redeem this experience is to warn off other girls in similar situations. I'm sure every day a high-school girl writes here to justify her "love" affair with an older guy, and a chorus of people try to warn her off. Your experience would speak more eloquently to these girls than we parental types could ever hope to.

Good luck,
Houyhnhnm

Answer 4

Don't feel guilty about letting your child down. Do not worry about that. You are young and at least realize that you made some bad choices. I would feel bad too if I were in your situation. I would continue to get an education-college and go to counseling to help you get over your guilt and to find out how to go on and feel positive about yourself again. I had a friend who got pregnant when she was 14 and she had about 6 kids when she was 23. She did not learn or even care. She liked getting a check and whoring around.
You are not like that, so do not put yourself in a bad category. He was older and used you --you were young and naive. Plus that was statuatory rape if you had sex under 18 years old. Make him pay child support and use this lesson to your advantage. You can become a strong person and have a wonderful life. Time will heal and you can go to counseling to help you start that process. Do not give up on religion and do not let others judge you. They have made mistakes to. Remember that verse in the bible--he who casts the first stone....? I can't remember it all, but it was short and it met that anybody without sin can cast the first stone to kill this person, and the people realized that they were all sinful. So they left humbly. So hold your chin and your shoulders up and get some help. Don't give up or give into the stereotypical attitudes about unwed mothers. Just look at the celebrities. Everyone makes mistakes. You will find out who your true friends are and who you can trust. So good luck with your life and your child's life. I wish you peace. God Bless!

Answer 5

This day and age it is hard bringing up a child being a single parent. You are young and still have time to find a man that will love you and want to be a part of your life and your babys. The one thing you can do to have this child brought up the way you were and to instill all the values you have. We all make mistakes thats why were human. But always love your child and nerer treat him/her like they were a mistake.The love you put out will be returned to you 3 fold.As far as the depression seek medical help,
I went thru this when my wife passed away and it is a horrible disease.Remember GOD is testing you and would not let you have more of a burden than you can bear. Everything is planned in his great scheme of things. Just pray and believe and you will seee the light. Good luck to you. If you want to write back you may at: [e-mail]
Good luck hun.
Michael

Answer 6

Everyone makes mistakes, so don't be so hard on yourself. You were young, in love, and taken advantage of by an older man. What you need to do now is take back control of your life and make it the best it can be for you and your baby. If the guy isn't paying child support, take him to court. Get someone to watch the baby 1 or 2 nights a week so you can have some fun with your friends, because you need to hang out with people your own age and because you will be a better parent if you are not stressed out. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 7

Sure you're life has changed, you're a mother now. Our lives are constantly changing, whether it's be cause of wrong decision, a right decision, or just because of the fact that we get older and more mature (in most cases).

You can't dwell on the lost childhood, your innocence, or anything else. You have to look at the future and decide where to go from here. You have a baby to think about, in addition to yourself. Be strong, and move on. I know it's sometimes hard and scary, but you can do it.

And remember, even though your baby is only 8 months old they can sense your feelings.

Answer 8

Start going back to church and take your baby. A good church will not judge you for your mistakes and you will not be the only one there with a baby. You were young when this happened and your ex was old enough to know better. Take some college classes so you can get a good job and support your baby. Forget about your ex and enjoy raising your baby. You will find someone that will love you and your baby. This time, be careful. All men aren't jerks like your ex, and by the way, if he isn't paying child-support, take him to court because your child deserves it.

Answer 9

Going to church twice a week doesnt mean diddly as you can now realize. Religion is a way of life. Has nothing to do with going to church. At any rate, trying to feel good about yourself is yet another matter. You need to remember those lost times of youth. But wishing them back isnt gonna make those times return. They're gone, and now you must face the real facts, and try to make a good life for yourself and your baby. That should consume your thoughts, NOT the past.
Never forget the lesson you've learned about trusting one too quickly.

Answer 10

OK i was once lost before in my childhood,spirit and soul until i met a very special person and she always kept me feeling good. well what I'm saying is don't give up in life and since you had your child, well just be thankful,because as you don't know is that your baby is all the heart you need.well my name is Stan and i am telling you this because i care about your problem,and i almost know where your coming from cause as a child i was abandon by my parents until my auntie adopted me so just pray and thank the lord for waking you.