What causes antisocial behavior?

Question

It is embarrassing to talk about, even on the computer. I look like a normal, young attractive girl. (Not to brag, but a very beautiful girl. Like Tiffany-Amber Theissen) Yet, I have trouble wanting to be around people. I have had some people attempt to try to get to know me, but only a few I'm comfortable with. I feel so different and feel like I'm suffering from this. As a result, I'm dealing with a great loss of self esteem day by day. Serious advice would be appreciated. Is anyone else like this or know of someone like this? Were their changes made or not? I feel like the only one in the world with this issue.

Answer 1

Could be genetics, upbringing, family, other issues.

Contact your local mental health department. Make an appointment for an evaluation. They can do wonders with what you are going through.

Answer 2

Immaturity and fear. Laugh it up. Throw a smile on your face and caution to the wind. Just talking to a person does not thrust them into your life. Remember another person does not have control over your life unless you let them. The best way to keep people away from your personal life when they are getting too nosy is to respond to their prying questions by saying "Why do you need to know that??!!"
If this is effecting your self esteem, you need to get professional help. A well trained therapist can give you tools to cope with your social anxiety.
Good luck and remember, there are many people like you out there, perhaps as many as a quarter of each group you meet!

Answer 3

well don't worry ur not alone, i also am the same as u!! i mean i don't trust ppl right away, i stay away from ppl, or i don't let ppl get close to me as friends much!! with every person the reason is different, with me for ex: my parents are conservative n don't let me out of the house to congregate with my friends nor do they let me out with my car period. as a result, of being sheltered all the time i have become accustomed to the sheltered lifestyle. i don't know ur background or how ur parents treat u but perhaps that might b the reason with u!!

Answer 4

Im like this

just know youre not alone

I believe Im anti-social because people are scary

dont lose self esteem over it though. Just enjoy keeping quite.... its OK to be private.

Answer 5

Hi Tyha, your question is very articulate and honest in how you asked it, and you sound like a very perceptive and thoughtful person.

There are different reasons someone might have trouble connecting, and some of those questions only you know the answer to. (Sometimes there has been emotional trauma or trust issues with others early on, which encourages someone to put up walls.)

But a person can still have trouble with this even without a "bad past" that pushed them in that direction.

Two personality disorders come to mind: Avoidant pd and Schizoid pd. You probably don't have the actual disorders, just many of the traits while still being functional. (You sound very cognizant and functional... just in a great deal of emotional pain). I have strong tendencies towards both myself.

I will include links below, and just give you summaries here.

Avoidant personality basically means extreme anxiety in the face of interacting with others, so that it's much easier to withdraw from them than have to go through the trouble of interacting. One is often very self-critical, thinks other people will view them negatively, is very sensitive to any hint of criticism (usually resulting in more withdrawal), and so forth; and so even while they really want the relationships, it's too much pain and trouble to overcome the discomfort of dealing with people. (On the Myers-Brigg Trait Indicator, this is often tied to the INFJ types.)

Schizoid personality is similar in regards to being unable to form relationships, but schizoids don't usually care. They are very detached, very unaffected by criticism/conflict, view things very analytically, are flat emotionally in conversation. (Generally associated with the INTP Myers-Briggs type.)

In Oldham's personality theory, there is also the Solitary type. Some people are simply happy being alone and don't feel the overwhelming urge to always have someone around, although they like to establish connections and interact on some basis with others and want to feel accepted.

It sounds to me as if you are generally okay with being by yourself and enjoy your space, but that you're bothered by the wall you sense between you and others and wish you could somehow get past it just in order to have SOME connections. (This is more "avoidant"-type behavior. The schizoid usually does not lose self-esteem nor cares much about the lack of relationship.)

Other people also might see you as more "impersonal" or indifferent towards relationships and so respond negatively to you, even while you actually do like people and enjoy them. So that is probably frustrating.

The links below include a variety of information, including other links that have basic styles of treatments.

Without a lot of details to go on, it's hard to give specific plans of action. Some ideas:

1. Accept yourself where you're at. You're okay. You just have some rough areas, and struggle with forging relationships the way that some others do.

2. Other people judge you less than you probably think... until you seemed "closed" to them, and then they react negatively. Much of the criticism you might feel during an interaction comes from yourself, and when you respond to it, you sort of "trigger" rejection from others. Again, you're okay -- even if you come across as disjointed in speech (as opposed to your writing, which shows a lot of structure and coherence), or fumble some interactions. Don't let your awkwardness or uncertainty over how to relate get you down.

3. Since interaction might be hard, find other ways to show people you value and appreciate them. Develop a level of politeness to show people you think about them and respect them. Or get them cards on their birthdays (just one small example). Some of this stuff might seem tedious and you might be indifferent towards it yourself; but any little "action" you can do will help counteract any awkwardness or disinterest they might feel when you converse with them.

4. A good conversation strategy is to listen to what someone says, then ask them questions based on it. You're not prying when you do so (and they will tell you if you are... so then you just move on). People love to talk about themselves (most of them), you're learning something, you seem interested, and you don't have to carry the conversation or have to deal with revealing a lot of yourself if you are uncomfortable at the time.

There's a lot that could be said, the forum's a little too short for that. But you're not alone in this. It won't be easy to overcome your reticence or initial awkwardness in conversation. I'm in my 30's and have dealt with this for years, and it does take time. But things can get a lot better than they are; it's possible to forge ahead.

Please feel free to contact me through my Yahoo profile page (there should be a contact link) if you would like to discuss things further; I'd be glad to.

Meanwhile, good luck, and don't put yourself down. Much of this is simply who you are, and this area happens to be a hard one for you (even as you seem gifted in other areas).

Answer 6

chemical imbalances, that's why people take "crazy people" medicine