Am I wrong? What should I do? GF trouble.?

Question

My girl is out of town. We live together with my kids. My ex husband pays the rent & cable bill. He asked to come over to watch World Cup at 12noon b/c he doesn't have a tv. I said okay, I'll be out all day running errands, watch it. GF is pissed, says I have no respect for her stuff and it's unacceptable for him to be at the house. I have to be nice to him, right? He's paying for rent&cable and loves the kids. I'll have to deal w him for 15 more years. She threatened to put all her stuff in storage or dump me. Says I shouldn't have anything to do w/ him since he's my ex. I'm a LESBIAN! I'm never going to get back with him.

He TEMPORARILY has no tv.
and CF is a stupid woman

Answer 1

I think your GF has some insecurity issues. Im sure it has nothing to do with her personal items. She knew you had kids, and that the father would be involved with them. He is paying the rent, and cable bill... I see no reason why he couldnt watch the World Cup. If he started making a crazy habit of it where it imposes on you, then I suggest you move to your own place and pay your own bills.

Other than that I think your GF just needs to have a little understanding of the situation and not be so jealous, insecure, or "worried".

I of course am only basing these thoughts on not knowing either of you or the situation. If I were you, I would try to explain the whole situation to your GF again...

EDIT: Also anyone who says you should have nothing to do with your ex husband is incorrect in my eyes. Your responsibility's are to your kids, and making them happy, which will involve being respectful to their father, and being a part of his and their lives. You had the choice to have kids... the kids did not get a choice in their parents, and therefore they are the Innocent ones in this situation and need to be looked out for first and for most! Even if that means putting off relationships with other people for the time being. Just my opinion :) Sorry if it sounded preachy... it was more directed at the comment above mine :)

Answer 2

Bottom line, your girlfriend should NOT be getting between you and your ex when there are kids involved. There will always be a special place for your ex in your life because of those kids, and you're a competant individual with free will who can choose here own friends.

If she has to be so petty and controlling that she cannot stand you hanging out someone who she doesn't approve of, let her move her stuff into storage or break up with you. That isn't love, that is control. You deserve someone who respects your past, can control their own emotions without acting like a 14 year old, and respects you enough to let you choose your own friends.

However if you stay together, make sure she knows that 1) you love her and 2) you're not going to stop hanging out with your ex. She needs to control her own insecurity, and there is not much you can do about it. If she can't live with you unless she controls who you see, then she she can walk out the door.

Answer 3

Don't let CF bother you. No one knows why your ex pays the rent or cable...maybe it's in lieu of/or part of child support/alimony. It's not any of our business, really.

How long have you and your girlfriend been together? Doesn't she understand that he is entitled to see the kids? He's only going to be there for the afternoon, right? Was she planning on being home that day, too?

She sounds very insecure and you should do what you can to reassure her of your love and loyalty. BUT ONLY TO A POINT. You shouldn't have to grovel to her (or him, for that matter) in order for her to trust you. If you've not given her any reason to doubt you up to now, she has no reason to doubt you in the future.

She doesn't sound like she's willing to work with you through this situation. Tell her it won't be forever, just one day. And you WILL have to deal with him.....you've got kids with him, and she should have realized that before she entered into a relationship with you.

Maybe you should sit them both down and tell them you are AS OF NOW, enacting boundaries. Tell your ex he can watch TV until he gets his own....Then he watches his own TV, because your going to tell your girlfriend that if she is this bothered by it, she can foot the cable bill...which will be one way to let her feel as if she has some control over the situation (which is a BIG part of the reason she is so upset).

Tell her you are not going to deprive your children of their father, nor are you going to deprive yourself of HER, and she really has the power to decide if she is going to stay because she loves you, or go because she is insecure.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, Your ex pays the bills by choice! He has a duty to help you raise the children that you both share!

That does not give him the right to enter your living space that you share with your girl anytime he wants! You should respect her space as well! Put yourself in her shoes and think of how you would feel to have her ex in your house! You dont have to walk on egg shells or be so nice to him because he pays your bills.

If you let her walk out then maybe you dont really want her in your life anyway! That maybe someting that you have to ask yourself!

Answer 5

You probably should have discussed his request with her before you made your decision, but it's still your house. I fully understand that your ex is the father of your children and you're trying to be amicable towards him. That's very grown up of you. Your partner shouldn't be blowing it fully out of proportion like you say she is. She also knew when you two became a "family" that the children had a father and that this man would be part of those childrens lives. If you're a lesbian, you're a lesbian. If she wants to move out, that's her right. You have your rent paid for by your children's father. I understand you love her, but she shouldn't own you. Love is a two-sided street with give and take. You dont' have to go back with him, but if she's going to be unreasonable, you don't have to put up with her either.

Answer 6

Invite the GF and your EX over to talk things out. He is the father of your children. Then, have a wild nasty oily dirty ol fashioned 3 some.

Answer 7

he pays YOUR cable bill and he has no TV??? you should pay your own bills.. if you cannot afford to pay your bills then the kids can live with dad, and dad can have the TV

shes right though... your not with him so you shouldnt have anything to do wiht him.. and that means you shouldnt get any money from him either... thats just wrong and unfair.. I am a woman and think if you cannot afford to keep the kids, let him keep them, nno way should he have to pay for your and her love nest..

Answer 8

You will need to tell him that jealousy has NO PLACE in your relationship. You may be lesbian in sexual preference...but he needs to respect the fact you have to associate with your ex-husband due to the children. You may want to also tell your ex-husband that it would be best to not come over UNLESS your partner is home.

Answer 9

Hmmm. I'm a lesbian and I can see her feeling uncomfortable about that, but as long as YOU aren't there with him, it shouldn't be a big issue. He's good enough to help out, so as long as he's not coming around you while she's gone, it doesn't sound disrespectful.

Answer 10

All you can do is explain her the issue. Spend more time with her. And wait. You are really very patient on this matter. Keep it up. She fears on loosing you to him. You two are girls. So talk things out.