I'm confused. I need serious, honest advice from women who have or is experiencing their men who don't cheat physically, but flirt and share dirty photos with others on the web. I need a stable person's advice, because I'm still young and am not sure about my feelings now and feel so hurt about my husband anymore. We've been together for 4 years, and share a child. A few months ago, I noticed some strange things in the history as I scanned through it trying to find something, but unexpectantly, saw some things that grabbed my attention. I'm sorry, but I decided to dive into it, monitor them w/out his knowledge,, and would you know, he runs a site called, "show me your t@%*"! He's also designing a new site to have women show it all. He's expressed he wants to make a porn with someone.... and the list goes on. I thought we were happy together w/ sex and everything, but I'm wondering if he needs variety, doesn't love me anymore, or that he's just having harmless fun fantasizing.
2006-06-11 15:35:21 · 15 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm fairly normal with a professional job, masters' degree, no criminal record etc... and was in a similiar situation a couple years ago. We are divorced now. I tried to be open-minded but that led to excess on his part, escalation. Then I tried to express disapproval mildly. Now, I don't think it is healthy, though I initially did think it was just normal male behavior. Most important, is how he reacts to you asking him to stop/slow down. He should respect that something is upsetting you.
2006-06-11 15:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by aceranne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband may not be cheating physically, yet, but what he's doing is still cheating. Cheating doesn't have to be physical. It can be emotional, physical, mental, etc. I am sorry, but your husband has a big problem. I have known guys (my ex boss' ex husband is one of them) that started out with stuff on the Internet as well as porn magazines, then ended up downloading not only adults in porn, but progressed to children--and they usually have children in the home! If they can do this online, can you imagine what they could be capable of in real life in the future?
If I were you, I would demand that he deletes these web pages he has made and no longer brings porn into the home, or looks at it anywhere. I would, personally, tell him that if he didn't do this, then I would leave. Period. How can someone trust someone doing what your husband is doing? I sure couldn't!! I would also let him know that it is NOT safe to have that stuff on the computer or in the home because of children being in the home. Imagine if the child(ren) got ahold of/found this? What he is doing is not only cheating, but also sick.
I am sorry this has happened. Good luck.
2006-06-11 15:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to have a talk with your hubby. then if he does not give you the answers you need you both may need to go to consoling. If it were me He would not be able to get on the computer for a while. Id change the password. he may also be put out of my house but I'm a little different from most women I'm afraid I do not forgive very easily. Once my trust is broken it is gone. to me he broke your trust. he would have one heck of a time explaining that porn site or wanting to make a film thing. if he was fantasizing he should have included you in it not on the computer. I sorry I'm trying not to say bad words here.
2006-06-11 15:46:19 · answer #3 · answered by liza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you wasting your time, energy, and sanity on this cheater. Be honest with yourself....do you think he is honestly going to look and pictures of naked women and not take it any further? You said the he expressed that he wanted to make porn with someone.....do you honestly think that if one of these naked women that he is viewing( or getting off too) contacted him with an offer of making porn he'd turn it down. This is not just harmless fun...he has kept all of this from you, you have to wonder what else he is hiding from you....these actions alone prove that he can not be trusted and that he will( if he hasn't already) cheat on you. I would normally never say this to a married woman because I believe that any marriage is worth saving....your situation is an exception...you need to get out now, he is just going to hurt you worse later...
2006-06-11 15:47:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I would say have you spoke to him about your findings? SEX is SEX for some people and that is all it is about - for me personally - the act of cheating is not just about SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, it's more about intimacy. What I mean is if my husband sleeps with another women - that is his deal - filling his sexual desires, if you will. Does not excuse it and he knows that our marriage would be over. However, I remember well that when I was younger I used to think if he cheated on me he could not possibly love me - my opinions on this matter have changed (majorly) over the years. I do not think that if he has sex with someone else that he doesn't love me because i know now that sex and love are totally 2 different things.
Maybe, he is just fascinated with the whole "Internet" thing.
Basically, if it is troubling you - talk to him - let him know how you feel and go from there. Whatever the outcome, don't automatically think it is about you, girl because it isn't - trust me!!!
2006-06-11 15:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by MS L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man doesn't have to physically have sex to be cheating. If he is giving his time away to others, his attention, his fantasies, he has already cheated in his heart. And the rest will soon follow. I am so sorry that this is happening to you, and sad for your child & you.
If he was hanging out in a bar, even though not having sex, it is robbing time from you and your child. It's wrong.
It is NOT harmless fun, it is sick, adulterous behavior.
2006-06-11 15:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by dixie_til_i_die 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating is cheating, nomatter the circumstances. cheatinf is when your guy is involved with another girl sexually (even if it online). its gross. you have every right to look through his computer. you are married and if he has nothing to hide, he should have no objections. porn is a serious addiction. and hun, it not ethical and not fair at all to you. This is NOT harmless. you deserve better. you need to tell him that he haves to give up you or porn. and tell him that you love him, but, are not afraid to leave him. if he says he'll give porn up, secretly check on his computer every now and then.
if just can t give it up, there is someone better for you and you need ti dump him.
2006-06-11 15:44:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is wrong and can and will lead to other things down the road if he continues to do this and not change it. It can become and addiction and habit forming as well and can consume his life and mind everyday and if he is married this is adultery. I would leave and divorce him if i were you!
2006-06-11 15:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is still being unfaithful even though he is not with these women personally.this is sick in the head and needs help. If you are not happy with what he is doing he should give it up and get help. You and your child don't deserve this.
2006-06-11 15:48:34 · answer #9 · answered by corgi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers you then it is'nt right and if choses the sites over you then he does'nt love you enough to give it up, talking to him directly about it is the way, if you have a serious relationship, married then its your right to pry your obviously not trusting him and your right with your feelings and intuitions
2006-06-11 15:40:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋