I am 62 and very passive. I am happy and laughing most of the time and get along well with all of my family and people in general.On the other hand, I am married to a man that has a bad disposition and seems angry most all of the time. He is very rude and hateful to me and our grown children. He pulled his fist back to hit me last week and stopped short of my nose. I had done nothing but he went into a rage about something his sister had done.He has his times of being a nice guy, but his overall attitude just is rotten.
I have been married to him for 25 years and with age he is getting meaner and harder to live with.
I feel so sorry for the kids at times. It just breaks my heart to hearm him curse our son and yell at our daughter.
I will say that he is the bread winner and I can't get out and make it on my little retirement check. I feel trapped.
Any one else have this problem, and what have you done?
2006-06-11 13:53:02 · 15 answers · asked by Shari S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Im not going to be sarcastic, it seems like you get enough crap in your everyday life. I have been and have had friends in physically abusive relationships and they just got worse over time. you are obviously experiencing abuse in the mental sense, which is no easier. You have to know you do not deserve to be treated like a doormat, and stop feeling sorry for everyone else and start feeling sorry for you. I bet you if you left him he wouldnt b such a big man, he would probably fall apart without you. Try a trial separation, give yourself a chance to breathe and regroup. You seem like you enjoy life when it comes to the rest of your situation, you may find you are more happy alone. It seems like you would have a good support system between your kids and friends. 25 yrs is a long time but whats the point if you r miserable? and its never too late to meet some new friends. If you file for divorce you wont have to worry about living on a gov. check, he would be legally obligated to pay you allimony. If he raised his hand to you once theres a very good chance he wont stop short next time. How far are u going to let him go before you take a stand. Did u ever stop and think your children may resent him for the way he treats you? I know that would put me in a rage. Life is too short to live it for someone else. Sometimes when you take yourself out of a situation and look, you will see it from a completely different perspective. Leave, breathe, relax, destress, assess and move on. best of luck to you shari and think about all of the brave wonderful women who responded to your ? who took that first step back into life no matter how rough the road, let them be your inspiration!
2006-06-11 14:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to enjoy a happy life, no man should ever lay a hand on a woman. Have a break away from him and think about what you want. Staying in this relationship could get worse, hope things turn out for your sake and your kids, hubby might need to see a counsellor on how to control he's temper if he want's to be with you.
2006-06-11 21:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT ANY MORE! first of all I am so sorry that you are going through this at a time in your life when you should be able to relax and enjoy each other. I was married to a man like this for 19 years, he was abusive to me, verbally and sometimes, but rarely physically, he called my young children horrible names, and drank far too much. At 37, I took my 3 small children(6,8,10) and left him. It was a struggle, but eventually I met a wonderfull man, and he helped me finish raising my kids, and now "our" grandchildren call him Papa.
If you wish you may contact me I'm now 52, and have made it without him! ms-blackdog@yahoo.ca Sorry that is ms_blackdog@yahoo.ca
2006-06-11 21:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by dawg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to an abusive man when I was really young. I finally left him. I thought to myself, Do I want to spend the rest of my life being treated like **** or do I want to think of my well being? I left him, I was in Germany, I had gotten out of the Army, had no money, I was dirt poor. I didn't care. I rather live under a bridge than have someone treat me bad and tear my spirit apart. The first time he is abusive to you, you are a victim. The second time and so forth, you are a participant. Do you want to spend your elderly years with him? Put yourself first. There is also counseling for the two of you and there is women's crisis in every town, you can contact them and they can help. You can also go live with one of your kids short term. You gave birth to them so they owe you.
2006-06-11 21:01:20 · answer #4 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im a 31 yr old with 3 kids married and financially trapped.my husband is mentally abusive.family and friends know how are relationship is .people who havenot been around us together do not see the real situation.he is a alcoholic also does other things.its a very hard life being mistreated every day.i understand your situation .its a rough one i wish i hada answer for you and for me.but im still searching for away out myself...good luck i hope someone can help .i am trying to get myself a job.thats where im starting.trying a little independence.
2006-06-11 21:11:59 · answer #5 · answered by dee l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your kids have seen this behavior, I'm sure all they need is to hear you say your ready to get out. Talk to them and if you cant get help there, try a shelter for abused women. They can help you get on your feet and start over again. Whatever you do, don't spend the rest of your years miserable and unhappy. Good luck to you and I'll be praying for you!
2006-06-11 21:03:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a man like that for twelve years. Now I'm on my own with my 2 kids and poor but I've never felt richer. Sometimes we have to decide which is more important; freedom or possessions. I'm glad I chose freedom! Good luck in whatever you decide.
2006-06-11 20:58:38 · answer #7 · answered by Amie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a family member that can temporarily take you in untill you get on your own two feet, you only get 1 life to live and your chosing to spend it with an ***hole!
2006-06-11 20:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by macy5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go visit family,stay away for at least 2 weeks give him a chance to see how things would be if you werent around he would have no one to yell at. tell the kids not to call when your gone he will be lonely and realize how important you are to him
2006-06-12 01:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by corvairchick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not 62 but i am 34 and my husband is very rude and i have lost all of my friends, family and self respect, not to mention all my self worth. i feel trapped but i know i can make it on my own. i was so much better on my own before him and if he would just leave i would be better again but alas i dont have the strength to even think about anything right now.....if you find the answer please email me.....
2006-06-11 21:05:29 · answer #10 · answered by wayladuley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋