I've been married to a man for seven yrs, i have one daughter though not by him..My problem is this; he yell's at me constantly and i feel sometines anything i do, isnt enough..In bed or out..But he's never struck me..Im at the point where i dont know if i love him anymore...
do i stay with him for my daughters sake? so she can feel secure? or do i go and try to improve my life as i know i can? please i need some serious help here...
2006-06-11 12:36:40 · 20 answers · asked by mkg101carp 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have tried talking with him several times..but to no avail; he usually talks over me and says i dont think about him enough...when i do, heck just the other day i got him flowers..As i said before i can make it on my own, as a carpenter i can get a job anywhere...it's just needing a place to stay other than a shelter, i dont want to expose my daughter to that...
2006-06-11 12:51:26 · update #1
have you tried going to counseling? there are more was to abuse someone than just physical, there is emotional and mental. so you feel he is being that way to you? i am divorced also,i did not give up on my marriage until he did not want to be there. he didn't want to be there because i started fighting back, he had gotten physically and mentally abusive. i had two small boys at the time and they were effected by his behavior also, even though it was not directed at them. it was my son was 4 years old made the comment that we should live elsewhere, that i realized everything was over.
do i regret getting divorced, no, because i felt i tried everything to keep it together, and was hanging in for the kids sake. when that was said to me i realized it was better to get the kids away from him. if you can leave with a good conscience than do it. no one has the right to take away your self respect or self esteem. good luck in whatever you decide.
2006-06-11 12:46:18 · answer #1 · answered by rita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a serious respect issue going on there!!!!! If he respected you, he would never talk to you like that. Ive been married also for seven years and my husband has to put up with me coming unglued occasionally but never ever do i yell! I have a hard time with is messy (real dirty) living habits. It just drives me crazy and his part time son is the same way and i have to reem the kids butt every time he comes to stay. This is creating quite a wedge in the marriage but somehow we are surviving it. I think ill kill the kid before he turns 18! (want to help?) Just kidding! But I think you have some serious choices to make. To be or not to be as Shakespear said. How long can you put up with that. How can you make love to him being that way? I sure couldn't. I would want to be like Lorraina Bobbitt! Bite the sun of a gun off! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I feel like I'm getting too old to compromise my integrity any more. I put up with nothing any longer. You might be younger and can handle it longer for the sake of your daughter. But i will tell you this, he will never change! Men don't change! I learned this life lesson a long time ago. You will figure this one out eventually if you decide to stay. All my prayers are toward you right now. Good Luck.
2006-06-11 19:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by soniaatcalifornia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband doesn't understand how to be a good husband. Perhaps he didn't have a good example of how a man should treat a woman from his childhood. Or maybe he is emotionally immature or maybe he has self esteem issues. Regardless, there are dire consequences when man is disrespectful and inconsiderate toward his wife! I know because I made the same mistake in my marriage and now I am divorced. It doesn't mean that he is a bad person but he needs to develop self control. He should not speak to someone any old way merely because he perceives that he has authority or power over you. I don't know if you read the bible (I wish that I had when I was married) but it states in Ephesians that a husband must have mastery over himself and not be controlled by lustful desires. It also states that a husband must take care of his wife just as he does his own body. This includes supporting her materially, financially and emotionally. Your husband must learn that you want to be loved and respected by him. He needs to understand this. At the same time, Ephesians states that a loving wife must respect her husband. My friend stated that the family that prays together, stays together. Sounds contrite but there is much truth to that statement. Have a heart to heart talk with him, not when you or he is angry but when everyone is calm and willing to listen. Good luck!!!
2006-06-11 20:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he hasn't hit you, verbal abuse can be just as bad. What he needs is a maid. That way if she does something wrong, he can fire her. You on the other hand need to leave. Staying for the sake of the child is not good her you or her. There are people who can help you find work that can support you and your daughter. Try starting with your local government welfare assistance. I know that can be demeaning but asking for help isn't. Good luck and you will see that when you leave you will be happier. You and your daughter will be just fine as soon as you get out of this situation.
2006-06-11 20:13:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think your daughter really feels secure around a man who is yelling all the time? Is this what you want security to mean to her so she can grow up and get married to a guy who treats her the same way? If you don't think this man is going to change do you really want to spend the rest of your life in misery? Then your daughter will have a loud mouthed father figure and a miserable mom........do you think that is how she wants to grow up?
2006-06-11 19:43:23 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Stacy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he yell at you before you married him? Have you asked him why he yells at you all the time? You have to ask him if you haven't. Find out what the problem is. And don't let him tell you it is you. Was he raised in a home where the dad yelled all the time? He might think thats how things are supposed to be. You have to ask him these questions. If he is not aware of how he is hurting you speak up. If he is aware and doesn't care, then I would be gone. But for your marriages sake...talk to him.
2006-06-11 19:43:07 · answer #6 · answered by Mache 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a toughie. I know first hand, for your daughter's sake, if you are unhappy she will catch on. Do you feel as if you don't love him at all? If he is constantly yelling at you, tell him about how you feel. There are two types of abuse physical and emotional, you don't have to put up with either. I say the both of you sit down and have an adult conversation about where your relationship is heading. It take two to tango, and two to speak.
2006-06-11 19:41:37 · answer #7 · answered by scooby_snax2154 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its your choice but seriously if you want to feel secure you should not be with him and if this keeps on happening to you just have a conversation with him and ask for a divorce and if he yells and says that he wants the daughter you should say you want her but anyway i'll pray for you and i hope you make a good choice
2006-06-11 19:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by cutiepie4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is emotional and mental abuse! Separate for a while from him before it gets any worse and seek help and counseling for this. I would not stay with the guy for the girls sake as this is not good for her at all to see this marriage like this and for her to see all the yelling!
2006-06-11 22:14:01 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well , i can tell you this much you teach people how to treat you if this man is doing all these things how can you stay your daughter don't need to take part in that let me ask you this do you want your daughter to go find someone like him cause if you stay thats whats gone happen think about it then you will know what to do you are her 1st teacher flat out
2006-06-11 19:52:06 · answer #10 · answered by tweety 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋