What do i do about my teens attitude pronlem?

Question

i'm not sure what to do. My son doesn't live with me yet he still rude and cheeky.I have tried talking to his dad but i haven't really got past square one. i have involved him in karate which i go to he used to be keen at one stage now he says he can't be bothered. I would like to talk to my son but i don't know where i stand . We occaisionally speak on msn. There's nothing warm about it, i just get well maybe or don't know.

Answer 1

Wrong.

All the answers so far have been to "wait" or "ignore it" or "beat him" or "tell him how he makes you feel".

Please take him out for a pizza. Look at him. Smile at him. Ask him what HE needs. Ask him how HE is feeling.

If you, as a grown-up, feel lost and confused, try to understand that he has all these feelings and ideas and probably feels very invisible right now. Of course he is angry. You are more worried about your feelings than his.

He doesn't want to go to learn something else (karate) from another grown up who won't listen to him...he just wants someone to love him and listen to him.

Now.

Answer 2

I'm a grandmother of 3, mother of two and what you are dealing with is a typical teenager - relax and give him room - he'll come around but it will be a few years - love him, state your mind about how he is living is his life but don't push too hard, don't reward bad behavior but at the same time don't force extras if he doesn't want them - explain to him that if he is no longer interested in Karate that you can put the funds to better use and that should there be some other interest he'd like to try to let you know and you'll sign him up - no sense shelling out good money if the kid isn't interested - but make sure he understands you are not taking it away from him that it is his decision and then just hang in there Mom - teens are tough! Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 3

since your son doesnt live with you there may be some resentment pinned up in him. I would continue to speak to him on MSN, because it seems as if your the one that wants in on his life and not the other way around. I would stay on his terms and don't force him ar you will lose him. He won't talk to you at all. Or maybe you could ask him what's going on with him on MSN, but I would say I miss talking to you and having a close relationship with you. If you show some sort of vulnerability then it is more likely that he will begin to see that it concerns you and you really want a relationship with him. Then arrange a time to talk to him let him skip school that day and the two of you have a mother son day doing something he enjoys not what you enjoy. Let that day be about him and getting to know him.

Answer 4

Hello. you didn't say how old your son is except that he is a teen. Being a teen itself is a trying age even in the best of households.
This is an age of hormones and also the child is no longer a little kid nor is he an adult yet, but the body is becoming an adult.
Choose to not buy in to his rudness or anger. Never ask a question like "do you really like pissing me off" Best to say, "when you talk like that, you make me feel sad". The choice of our words as parents. Putting the kid on the defensive doesn't work, and ignoring poor behavior doesn't work either. Do you and your X have any sort of relationship? Your child is smarter than you think, he is able to divide and control both of you , whether or not he is awear of it. He takes out his emotions and confusion in life on hisparents, after all he has always thought the two of you should be taking care of all of his needs. Yet he wants to be independent. First of all you need to stop thinking of him as the little boy who used to run into your arms. He is becoming his own person, yet, this does't mean that you let him take over the family and mistreat everyone. If your x and you can be agreeable on a set of rules & consenquenses, thinkgs might just improve. It might be that you and your X enjoy seeing your take some enjoyment in seeing your child be rude to the other parent.
My theory is let the set expectations and consquences speak for them self. Have things in writting. It is best to discuss expectations for relationships when people are happy rather than confrontational. Make a list of negative behaviors and then a consequence for that behavior. Don't make the consequences so big that you can't inforce them, or don't make them so that they punish the parents also. Then never ever waver from that list. A kid will know how far he can push before you give in. If you are consistant his behavior will change. If you give in, he will continue to challenge the rules.
It would be ideal if both of his parents would work together and even have the same rules.
For example. lets say your X hears your son swearing at you and talking rude to you, your X would bring out the list and say. Ok, this behavior means this punishment. Then stand firm on it. Suggestion is that if he is rude to his mom on the phone, he ilosses phone privledges for an hour that evening. Or lets say that he was told twice to speak nice to you, his dad would take away two hours of phone privledges. If the kid never talks on the phone this isn't a good punishment. Lets say he loses his game boy. He loses it for an hour. Make the punishment match the crime. If you take away the phone for two weeks, the kid will become unmanagable and the parents not deal with it either. If you have harsh punishments, what punishment is there for a huge misbehavior.

Don't teach your child bad behavior. Be an expample. Also another thing I have seen parents, especially mothers do is talk to their teenage sons as if they were five years old. We as parents still see our kids as our babys. They see themself as way past that part of their lives. Treat them like young adults.

If you can sit down with your son and tell him that you would like to see things change when there is a phone call. Tell him that the words he chooses makes you feel sad. Don't say things like "you are so disrespectful you little ..blank blank blank" Say things like, "how can we change our phone conversations so that when we are done we feel better about each other?: Make the kid part of the solution. Afterall he is part of the problem.
How we word things make such a difference in the outcome of our lives.
I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Sounds like someone needs some discipline right. Well in this day and age of course spanking is looked down upon and frankly sometimes, that does'nt work. Where else can they get solid discipline, Military School. There are scholarships you can look into. Someone other than you, needs to show him that there's more to life than being rebellious and disrespectful. You don't have to put up with it, so don't.

Answer 6

If you get a chance to sit down with him tell him how you feel (completly) ask him if he has a problem with you, have him to vent out his problems. Then after its done let it alone for a while for it to sink into him about the talk. He may slowly change his feelings about you. If hes in to drugs then a lot of prayer is needed.

Answer 7

I thought i was the only one having this problem. I didn't realize my son could even hold an adult conversion until I heard him speaking to his friends. The only other things he will say to me is: what's for dinner or will you buy me

Answer 8

Dont try to hard. Hes going through a phase. Leave him alone for a couple of months, and if he is still horrible then speak to his guardians. Maybe they have something to do with it...

Answer 9

Its a stage...moms are gross to teens, they see you as the person who forcibly wants to spend time with them...he will grow out of it and look for you...don`t push him, he will come around and when he does, he will notice he has a cool mom, other kids might already be telling him!

Answer 10

this is usually the other way. most divorced parents will try and turn the kids against the other parent. they will lie about what happens or did happen ,to get back at the other. shame they act more like the kids than the kids do, who wins?