Is there an easy was to overcome vaginismus? I feel like I have tried everything?

Question

I have been married for over 2 years, and we have not consumated our marriage. I have been told i have vaginismus. Is there anyone out there that has gone thorugh this horrible disorder? If so, can someone give me some insight. I have tried counseling and everything. Its ruining my marriage.I would appreciate any help at all!!

Answer 1

I'm very sorry that you have vaginismus. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but unfortunately, there isn't one.

I suffered with vaginismus for over 9 years in my marriage, and believe me, I tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it. I had surgery, dysfunction therapy, 7 doctors, marriage counselling, porn, muscle relaxants, I tried getting drunk, I had a baby (they say a vaginal birth can help - I had a caesarian), I tried crying, screaming, cursing...

Finally, what got me through it was dilators - a vaganismic woman's best friend. But even so - that took collosal effort. You've read that vaginismus is psychological - well, try getting that dilator in the first time.

There's also a group on yahoo that you can join and get support which wasn't available for me.

I wish you the best of luck. Know that there is hope for the end of the disorder.

Answer 2

As many others have pointed out, vaginismus is almost always a psychological disorder. You report having attended counseling, which is good.

If I were your councilor I would ask about your feelings about sex, masturbation, virginity, and your family of origin’s views on the same thing.

I would bet a LOT that buried in there somewhere is a strong lesson about girls that have sex, or simply about sex being dirty and or bad – perhaps even deadly. There may also be some issues surrounding the value of virginity (a common issue in modern American society)

I think the first thing I would try if I were you is simple masturbation, with and without your husband. Once you become more comfortable with that sort of sexual involvement moving to a vibrator, dildo, or other insertable masturbation toy along with a tube of lube, seems to be a logical next step. After you are comfortable with, and enjoy using your vibrator, spending some time, naked, with your husband, where he, or you spend some time putting his penis next to, or even between the lips of your vulva – but without penetrating – or trying to penetrate you further. Once you are comfortable with that, an attempt at intercourse may be fruitful.

If that does not work – looking into a hypnotheripist may be a beneficial option – but I would not pick that as my first hope.

Answer 3

The treatment of choice with vaginismus is an extensive therapy program that combines education and counseling with behavioral exercises. Exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises) to improve voluntary control.
Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using plastic dilators. This should be done under the direction of a sex therapist or other health care provider and treatment should involve the partner. This treatment should gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in intercourse.
Educational treatment, including information about sexual anatomy, physiology, the sexual response cycle, and common myths about sex, should be provided as well. When treated by a specialist in sex therapy, success rates are generally very high.
The poster below me mentions douching- do not use douching- they are not recommended anymore as not only can a douche disrupt the normal balance of your body, but make you more open for infection.

Answer 4

Vaginismus is a psychological disorder in response to fear of sexual intercourse for whatever reason. This fear may be subconcious. Developing a healthy, nurturing relationship with your partner over a long period of time will eventually resolve this issue. The key is to have a partner that is willing to take things slowly and make you as comfortable as possible. Perhaps seeing a psychiatrist will help you deal with this issue.

Instead of sexual intercourse, try other forms of intimacy, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation. This will foster a comfortable and trusting sexual relationship and help you get over any phobias or self-conciousness that you may have. Make sure that you problem is truly psychological and is not related to the size of the vaginal introitus (opening) or any other medical conditions. There are also vaginal dilators that are available to help introduce gradually larger objects.

Answer 5

babe, it seems like you have depression, i would go and see the doctor and talk to them about it. Life is a horrible journey sometimes, but you gotta beleive you are gunna come out the other end a much happier person. Sometimes being on your own is a good chance to decide what you want from life without having all teh complications of a relationship. I hope you get some help chick and NO suicide is definiately not the right step for you. Oh and 31 is not old... live starts then for def.... you will be fine, just get some help right now whilst your down. Good luck xx

Answer 6

I hear ya. I have it too. Go to www.vaginismus.com. I haven't tried the program there, but it's worth a shot. Good luck!!

(I've heard there's a surgery that you can get, but I'm not so sure about that since it's more of a psychological disorder. Try visiting a psychiatrist.)

Answer 7

I had vaginismus for 4 years. I never had used tampons and thought I would after I got married. I was just always too scared to put anything up there. After our wedding, it was obvious something was very wrong. Over years of trying to find a cure there were a few things that really helped me. One was to become comfortable with my own body and "up there". I started by inserting my own finger. It was so scared but I did it. After that, I started using tampons. I purchased the smallest and most "slippery" one I could find. The Sport ones worked the best for me. I talked to a specialist in Mass. about getting the botox procedure and he said something that really resonated with me, he said "If I had the power to cause the vag, I had the power to cure it." Him saying this to me made something "click" inside. I wasn't a victim of vag. I had created it, from fear, over the years. I had never been raped or abused. I was just scared. The mind is very powerful. If you don't believe it, read some studies on placebos. After doing some EFT (like acupuncture for the emotions) and practicing slow intercourse with my husband, I was finally able to get over vag! I couldn't believe it. I was still in disbelief for a long time that I had actually gotten over it. I identified with a woman that "couldn't have sex" for so long that it was hard to be the woman that could. Every woman can do the same. Many times the path is different than mine. You have to find what empowers you and helps you to get over the victim mentality. Yes, it hurts. It hurts a lot. My vag was so bad that it felt like a knife trying to twist inside me. I don't feel that anymore. I can only attribute it to small steps toward sex and my mind changing about it. The therapist helping me with EFT also told me something. She said: "Recognize when you feel negative about sex, men, intimacy, etc." "Forgive yourself for feeling this way" "Then replace the negative thought with the one you want to be true." I did this every day and couldn't believe how much I negatively thought about sex, even though I wanted it so much. You can have sex. It might be uncomfortable for a while but you can do it and it will get better. Change your thinking. The mind is your miracle cure.

Answer 8

Take a relaxant for nerves and muscles, like Valium. Plus sitting in a tub of very warm water for half an hour before intercourse. Being aroused helps relax the vagina. Use what it takes...touching, movies, certain picture magazines, etc.

Answer 9

ya, try tokeep you emotions in balance, wash your organs
regularly with simple soap an water, and take a winager
solution doush every now and then . last but not least
sleep regularly and avoid processed food if you can.

Answer 10

yea its simple....u ready....STOP BEING A ******* SLUT!!!!!!!