I live in Germany and am getting ready for a year long deployment. My wife flew home to the states to visit her Mother and then to my parents house to spend the year while I am gone. She has been gone for 2 weeks and I got a phone call tonight saying that she had made out with an old highschool friend of hers (female). I was rather upset about this and I started yelling at her over the phone and eventually hung up on her. I sent her an e-mail about trust and how its alot harder to get back than to lose then called her and told her to read it and call me back. I started asking more pointed questions about the encounter and it turns that as she was making out with her friend the girl and her boyfriend were having sex. My first instinct is to go see a lawyer and get the papers in order, but just thinking about that hurts. Our son just turned one a month ago. Please, I need some advice.
2006-06-11 10:06:20 · 15 answers · asked by Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clarify: When she called me she was in tears and she sounded very remoresful. She wants to stay together.
2006-06-11 16:33:49 · update #1
Sounds like you need to learn to live with her ways or get a divorce and go on you own way.
2006-06-11 11:21:07 · answer #1 · answered by Augie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she was only gone 2 weeks and something like this happened? Well, I was married to a military guy and the deployments suck. If you don't have trust then what do you have? While you are gone the last thing you need to worry about is whether she is being faithful or not. I know you have a child, but I believe if they cheated on you once they'll do it again. I would get the papers and get things started. Good luck and thank you for the job you do..God bless
2006-06-11 17:20:10 · answer #2 · answered by fungirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joe,
Cripes man, that's a terrible situation to be in. I can relate to your deployment concerns because I'm in the service as well, and I can't begin to imagine the thoughts swimming through your head. The only thing I can think of is to ask her, point blank, if she wants to work through this with you (assuming you do). If the answer is yes, then you have plenty of room and time to work this out...if not then you need to call the ball and do what you need to do.
Can't be out there serving the country and have the constant distraction on what may or may not be happening on the home front. Good luck man.
2006-06-11 17:13:24 · answer #3 · answered by Mongoose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sigh I hate reading painful stories like this. It's bad enough that your going to sacrifice your life to protect us now your not even deployed and she is flaunting her infedility.
well if I was you I would proceed with divorce papers. You might consider highering a PI to get concrete proof first but since she was so blantant it might be a setup or just aknolaging the fact she never loved you.
Getting custody is going to be very difficult since your deployed. and you might consider reading the book
His Needs, Her Needs, By Willard harley jr. while your away.
Take this year to decide what you want to do with your life. and accept the fact you may not be able to save your marriage. Personally I do not think I could ever trust a woman who was that cold but you may have a bigger heart them me. Your child is young enough you may consider saving some of the information for later that way if she tries to tell him lies about you. you will have proof for when he is older.
May god protect you and offer guidance.
Oh one other suggetion
Don;t yell any more. yelling is not going to chage her, and it will only make you look like a fool who can not control your emotions. if she calls or sends future emails save the information ( if it's a phone conversation write down the information in a note book so it can be used in court later. including how your feeling about rubing her infedility in your face knowing you can not come home to address the issue. file it away for future action and ( as they say Kill her with kindness) let her know she made the biggest mistake in her life when she left you for another's bed. and when **** hits the fan she will learn who her true friends are and I bet it won;t be the other couple.
2006-06-11 17:18:30 · answer #4 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this too. You are getting ready to leave and you need to trust she will be the best mom for your son while you are gone. That being said, protect yourself, be smart, don't open up any new credit cards or loans together. Trust is so hard to repair and right now you shoulnd't make any big decisions, go to Germany, make sure your son is #1, and protect yourself. DOn't let her ruin your credit and get some counseling while you are gone.
2006-06-11 17:10:59 · answer #5 · answered by my_son_wants_to_know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound cheesy but you need to follow your heart. Don't react without giving yourself time to cool down.Think about all the good times you two have had together and most important of all think about your son. Maybe you will be able to forgive her in time and maybe you won't. But only time will tell. My best advice to you is to call her and just talk . Talk about anything and everything.Just make sure that you think about what it would be like without her in your life. And that will give you some kind of feeling about if you can work it out. Best of luck.
2006-06-11 17:35:40 · answer #6 · answered by Holly D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she told you this kind of,Rotten stuff, Get the paper's rollen! She is no kind of woman,she's junk! Sorry babe,Kick it to the curb! There is NOTHING RIGHT about her action's. Your in the Military,let them help you. It's a good family. I asure you,they have seen this kind of stuff before. It's O.K. Your not to blame for her own action's. Don't listen to her anymore. Turn it over to your higher guy there,and let the mess go.
2006-06-11 17:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by Wishee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have copies of her emails or recordings of her talking about what she has done, share them with her mother, father, your mother & father, any friends she has - andyour attorney.
A Husband & Father's first priority is to protect his children - Next, he needs to protect himself. -- By allowing her "support base" know what she is up to (if they are decent and loving people) will undermind her and she will get the recognition she deserves - Which is condemnation.
You have enough to worry about (deployment) and don't need someone like this in your life. -- I would go to my superior officer and tell him/her that you need good legal advice. - Explain things in detail, no matter how difficult, and I'm sure you will be well advised.
Good luck.
2006-06-11 17:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by poormigalito 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she sorry and remorseful for what she has done to you and this marriage or is she continuing to do this and not willing to change. If she does not want the marriage or to stay true to you then file papers asap but if she is sorry and wants to restore things seek marriage counseling and help with her and try to work it out if at all possible!
2006-06-11 21:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a conversation wit her about how u feel about her kissing/going out with an oppisite sex and tell her if she is still comfertable with women maybe yal should get a divorce for your own good. cause one of u are going to end up with HIVor STI
2006-06-11 17:17:56 · answer #10 · answered by Debra M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋