Who can I choose between my wife and my mother?

Question

My mother left me when I was a year old and came back briefly to my life when I was 13yrs. She is now staying with after my dad passed away. I am not that close with my mother or my wife. I have had serious problems with my wife in the past. Been married for 14yrs, though very stubborn and hard to get along with. She cares most about her job, school and parents that live outside the country. I just want them to get along and stop distroying the mind of my little ones. I just want a happy home where all get along. I am always caught between their fights. Each wants me to give up the other. Please help me. I need an advice from a wife with kids, a mother that has grandkids, a father or husband in the same predicament or had such experiences in the past.

Answer 1

Maybe if you put your wife first, the two of you would get along better? Just a thought...

Answer 2

When you have a wife of course she comes first. Your Mother needs to find her own place to live. No home is big enough for 2 women no matter who they are and how much they like each other. This is you and your wife's home and not your Mother's so she needs to understand this. Talk with both and explain that you will be asking your Mother to find another place, of course giving her enough time but not to much, I would say at a month and she should have secured something, and that in the mean time could they both agree to stop fighting because of the children. Never allow your Mother to come between your family. If your not happy with your wife you either have to decide to try to make it work or leave. The children don't need this either..Good Luck

Answer 3

Well, my grandmother put my father in this situation when I was very liltte. My parents never made responsible descisions financially. So we had to live with my grandmother for about a year, unfortunately my mother and grandmother hated each other from the get go. So seeing them fight every single day was so sressful. My father was right in the middle. But one day my grandmother told him she had had it, he needed to choose between her or my mother, and he said, are you kidding me? My wife gave me my kids, I have to choose her. My parents didn't even get along. My father was unfaithful, in and out of jobs, and addicted to strip clubs. But, they stayed together, now over 30 years. I don't know what to tell you to do, but to choose between two people will just end with someone getting hurt. I think you need to think about your mom, even though she wasn't there for you when you were little, is she a good mom now? And for your wife, after 14 years, you know if you'll be together forever or not, regardless of your not liking each other. Maybe you should put them aside and think about what would be best for you, and your kids.

Answer 4

You should be strong in this one. You tell them both that you are not going to give up any one for the other and they should live with.
You are the man, you should use your strength to bring down the situation to the normal. Your wife should give you some time, this is your right. You should sit down with her and tell her that you need some time with her. Your have to take care of your mother but she shouldn't interfere with your wife business.
I think your wife is missing some thing from you (I dont want to predict but I would say "bed stuff" as an example), try to give it to her.

be patient, strong and a loving son-husband-father.
good luck

Answer 5

where there is will there is way...try to find out the best way to sovle ur problem...mother and wife u r responsible for both...according to Muslim teachings the greatest right on a women is of her husband and a greatest right on a man is of his mother...so now u can understand how important mother is but it does not mean u left the wife also...think n think...try to handle the matter...every problem has its solution...pray to Allah and try to find out the way that will give u more satisfaction...if u again fail then also think about to provide seprate home for wife...may be it works...but the best thing u would do is to find a solution with having both ur mother and wife...

Answer 6

Stay with your wife. You both made a commitment to each other and she has never abondoned you. You have children together and owe it to them to do everything possible to make the marriage work. I don't see how you stand a chance of that with your mother causing issues between you. Just let your mother know that she needs to move out because you have to protect your family unit.

Answer 7

the solution is dont give up on both.. but trying to get ur mother move out and live on her own for a change is a promising idea.. but u shouldnt abandon her totally...eventhough she left when ur young. maybe she had her own issues. there is a lot of foster homes for old people, u might find a suitable one for ur mom as well. And whateva u do, don giv up on ur wife coz both of u did pretty well in ur marriage since u managed to save it for 14 years. u said u don get along wit ur wife and ur mom, i think u should do that first. get a grip buddy, its ur life anyway

Answer 8

Tell your mother to move out. No choices just get her out. She abandoned you now she can live somewhere else if she can't get along with your wife. Get a backbone man.

Answer 9

im a mother and grandmother...first your mom needs to move out on her own...even though you and your wife dont get along that good... she is your wife ..and for the best intrest of the kids grandma needs to get a life ..

Answer 10

Your mother did not take responsibility for you. You owe her absolutely nothing. You do, however, owe everything to your wife and children. Tell your mother she has to go and set a firm deadline within three months. She is not your responsibility....