what should i do?

Question

i'm 19, he's 27. i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. we've been planning to get married for 3-1/2 years. the problem is i used to be in love with him, but now i haven't felt anything for him for almost 2yrs. we dont have sex cuz i dont like it. max 1 every 2months. he says its ok n when we're married we dont have to have sex. im not frigid i just dont feel anything for him so its hard to pretend. would we work out? we r very comfortable wit eachother. what shud i do?

Answer 1

Don't go through with it. Every man needs sex. He might still love you, but when it comes time for him to want "it", you're going to tell him no. It won't be fair to him. Tell him how you really feel and move on. TRUST ME.

Answer 2

Do not delay any longer.. Since you two are not yet married and your only 19.. you have a lot of time left.. Tell him you dont feel the same way for him anymore. Remember that 2 years ago when you did have feelings for him you were young and that was probably all the excitement from going out with an older guy while still in highschool. There are plenty of other guys for you and also girls for him... Be honest with eachother... because remember marriage is a commintment and honesty is required when your committed to someone. Besides you shouldnt be hard on yourself and stay with someone when you dont like them just because your comfortable around them and because you planned on getting married. Therefore I think you should break up with him...pretending is not good... Good luck

Answer 3

To me it sounds like you have come into your own, it's not a bad thing persay it's just that you are not the same little girl who feel in love with the older guy 2 years ago.
You have become an young woman (not little girl) now and you may have different goals & dreams now that I am sorry to say do not include your guy.
But to get married just because you are comfortable with someone is not a great start for a marriage, that it a better term for a great friendship, not spouse, I am not saying that you are not suppose to be friends with your spouse, because that is defintley required but, it's not the only thing, you must have romance, understanding, respect, trust, honesty, loyality, and quite a few other things in order to have a long lasting marriage.
I am sorry for your lost of and future spouse but, congradulation on having someone who could be a longlife friend, that is if you do the right thing in this matter.
Before you do anything just think about it like this, How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot, it was you who was about to be dumped after so long of being with someone.
How would you like for this to be broke down to you?
Honestly right?
Just remember no one likes to be lead on, don't wait til you get to the alter and say, I don't instead of I do, or even worst, just leave him there waiting on you when you know that you will not be there.
And don't go through with it just because you don't want to hurt him, because in the end if you do get married, eventually you will get so unhappy and want out, and you might lose him as a friend when all of it could have been avoided from day one.
Just let your guy know that you care for him but, you know that you are not ready for marriage at all.
Whatever you decide to do, just remember that you have feelings and so do he, and you want to do to others as you would want them to do to you.
What goes around comes around, So if you treat him fairly, others will do you the same.
Good Luck, and best wishes, I hope that you will be able to keep him as your friend, because it's truly hard to find them.

Answer 4

You already know what you need to do, the hard part is finding the courage to do it. Sex is an important part of a loving, caring relationship; you will miss it and eventually end up resenting HIM for his willingness to settle for a sexless marriage.

If you feel nothing for him, then there's nothing to this relationship except comfort and safety. But comfort and safety are poor substitutes for excitement and passion and sex! And in the right relationship, when the sparks slow down (as they inevitably do) there can still be lots of great sex.

Answer 5

That's normal. It's okay for u to be feeling that way. Sometimes if you have such a big age difference - like 8 years, the relationship will probaly be pretty hard. Don't WORRY! You are young, you have about 10 more years to find the PERFECT guy.

Answer 6

You have been with him since you were 15. I think you are in need to leave him because you have not really experienced anything in life other than relationships. I am not saying to go whore yourself out, but you really need to go bunji jumping or on a girls weekend out to Vegas and enjoy the freedoms of being a human. Then after you have done somethings, then you probably not have these feelings of bordem or what-have-you.

Answer 7

If your no longer in love with him do not marry him. If it isn't working out before the marriage it won't work out when your married. What you do is up to you. But if you don't have those feelings for him now you won't latter on neither. If I were you I would think twice about marrying him.

Answer 8

You are young and unmarried. You should find yourself and take your time to meet someone who will be a good match for you. Once you make that decision to marry, make it with the understanding that the man will be your husband for life. It shouldn't be taken lightly. If you feel this man is not right for you, then let him down easily (with consideration, compassion and respect) and then move on.

Answer 9

Leave him why are you staying with someone that you dont have feelings for because in the long run you are going to get hurt because you are going to get tired of pretending and you are going to start doing things to make him mad at you so he can leave you.

Answer 10

No. Why not just be honest with him and yourself. Just cause your comfortable doesn't mean your in love. If your wasting time with a guy you know you aren't in love with your missing out on the guy you should be with.