Please, help! How to keep a distance from a woman who is interfering in our most personal parts of life using the excuse of desperately loving my husband and me and that she cares soooooo much? She use to take xanax if we call 5 min later than she expected… I am trying to let her know that I don't like her personal questions, interfering, that we are grow ups, but she is not willing to understand it and give it up until I start to be rude. Then she feels insulted. If she offers me a cake and I say "no, thanks", she will trying repeatedly and will be able to take that cake in her hand and try to put it in my mouth! She is terrorizing all the family by her care, playing some eternal victim but actually, she makes all of us turning around her. I feel my husband sabotages me because he is not able to confront her and support me. But after visiting her, we both feel as if someone sucked all our blood. I have to do something! We are going to spend a part of the summer in her town and I am already going crazy!
2006-06-11 06:54:28 · 7 answers · asked by Aurora 4 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I would *insist* on couples' counseling with dear hubby. Then, he can hear from an objective party how his not being supportive of you is not helping the marriage. That lady sounds like poison. I would definitely limit my time with her. She doesn't sound loving to me. She sounds passive aggressive. The part about the cake was scary!! Do you have to go to her town? I would send hubby and the kids by themselves. Maybe you've got something else you've got planned--painting the inside of the house, reorganizing, helping a friend with a new baby, an ill parent, etc? Good luck!
2006-06-11 11:31:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your mother in law is used to manipulating the people around her with her "care." Care can be just as oppressive as abuse.
You and your husband need to set your boundaries as a couple, and set your own individual boundaries. You have to agree to ignore her attempts at manipulation. Set boundaries, be firm! Don't give in to her, you're an adult, she can not force you to eat cake! Walk away, ignore her.
Someone else was right in suggesting couples counseling, that can help you work on skills in handling your mother in law.
2006-06-11 18:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by keri gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters I would re-think my trip to her town, especially if your husband is not going to be supportive; which appears to be his choice of late. This woman needs therapy. You need to be especially strong, and set CONCRETE boundaries. This woman's behavior is selfish and is about her, not you or the family, sounds like she is attempting to salve her own wounds; with this overbearing love. I would be really interested in knowing more about the family history.
2006-06-11 14:11:13 · answer #3 · answered by mchlmybelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me that your mother in law is overacting on that word LOVE she may love all of you but the things she does she feels that the family will love her,but its on your nerves,so anything she does, you try to change it, and explain to her WHY. SLOWLY SHE WILL ask of your opinion and you will notice changes in your mothre in law
2006-06-11 14:22:08 · answer #4 · answered by gaelic_6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her, there's a line that she isn't to cross, stick to it by laying down her boundries. She means well,but has to know where to stop.
2006-06-11 19:14:53 · answer #5 · answered by mad_cow717 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's a control freak
a nut job.
she'll do you in till the cows come home, and I don't think they'r e coming home anytime soon
2006-06-11 23:02:12 · answer #6 · answered by Theo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY GIRL ENJOY IT WHILE IT LAST SHOWER HER BACK SHE'LL QUITE OR SEND HER TO ME??????
2006-06-11 13:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋