what do i do with this sister i have?

Question

okay i have this friend named kailey but when ever she comes over my family like starts to turn against me saying kaileys tanner than you shes skinnyer than you kailey gets strait a's and you have a B. but heres the thing they wait till after shes gone to tell me this stuff.Now i always feel im not good enough i have told my dad what i think of this but he just said im the perfect daughter but my sister seems to be the one who is always tellling me im not good enoguh compared to kailey!what do i ay to my sister and what do i do abut my selfesteem level!

Answer 1

Maybe your sister is having a problem, maybe she is feeling that you are the only one that possess special talent, you are the only one that is encourage, support, and celebrate for your accomplishment, that you excel in some area.(Ex: "You are the atletic one", "You are the smart one", "You never give you parents any problem" or "You are the PERFECT ONE"). Maybe this type of comparisons are making her feel less than unique.
So, her self esteem is none to zero, and she cann't express the full range of her emotions, the only way she have is attacking you, for her is difficult to respond empathetically when you are always receiving compliments and she is reciving negative remarks and poor/lack of support from your parents.

For you:
* Don’t accept messages that damage your own self-esteem.
* Any thoughts that take us away from a positive feeling are not worth having or defending. If you want to be happy, follow your happy feelings, not your unhappy ones.
* The moment you hear a critical remark, ask yourself, "What’s on this person’s screen?" Assume that all critical remarks arise from some shortcoming. Remember that people can only criticize what’s on their screen and that their screens are not reliable. It’s very unlikely that any criticism is based on an accurate perception of you. It’s much more likely that the critic is reacting to emotions, memories, and behavior patterns that have almost nothing to do with you. Thinking poorly about yourself because of such critics is a mistake. When someone criticizes you do and say the following: Smile and say to yourself, "Boy, I wonder what’s on their screen to make them so critical of me?" Remember it’s about them not about you.
* Remember that all criticism shares one characteristic: it is unwelcome. You didn’t invite people to dump the distorted contents of their screen on you. You may feel that you owe some critics a response, but you never owe a critic your self-esteem.

For your sister:
* Talk to her and tell her how you feel, if the relation doesn't improve ... then remember the above
* Talk to your parents, about that it is important to encourage, support, and celebrate the accomplishment of anyone in the family.

Remember people develop self-esteem in two ways: what others do to them (or don't do to them) and what they do to themselves.

Check:
http://www.positive-way.com/toolsto.htm

Answer 2

it sounds silly but ignore her. maybe she tells you that stuff as shes worryied about you. i mean she thinks your better so she belittles you to make her feel better becasue in some way she feels inferior to you! the best way to handle her is to just walk away. you know the truth about you as long as you try your best you are the best you can be she dont matter. shes the one with issues not you. good luck. if that dont work send her to my place ill give you a hand .