What contribution could you make to my island? So far I have a caretaker, a granny and a goatboy...?

Question

.....Would anyone else like a job in my new island civilization?

Point of information: The granny has been promoted to Governor. There is now a vacancy for granny.

Answer 1

A witness? Someone to watch and possibly document the slow descent into Lord of the Flies madness? I can see myself hanging from the top of a coconut tree with my camera directed at the turmoil of crazed humanity below me. Weapons have been sharpened... my glasses long broken... everyone below is chanting: "Kill the pig! Cut its throat! Bash its head!" but still I continue to film as the madness reaches a crescendo and Einstein and Mojoman point towards me and make that sound Donald Sutherland made at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Then everyone begins shaking the tree to shake me out like a coconut. When I finally fall, the camera falls with me to the sand, still running, purring like an electric cat... as the bloodied hands descend from all directions. Arggghhhhh! Then it would be over. A wrap. The camera would be discovered years later, excavated from the sand and bones. The film would open to huge box office not seen since the Blair Witch Project.

So can I come along? Please?

Answer 2

Every island needs a caretaker, a granny and a goatboy. You DO also need a bum, and if MonNog hadn't laid claim to the job, that would have been my normal place in the social hierarchy. Thanks again "bro"! lol

Every proto-civilisation needs two things above all though - something to fear, to draw the community together, and something to laugh about, to lessent the tension created by the object of fear.

Who better to take along with you than Helll's Jester, the one and only Falco. In 'Lost' terms (cos we've worked out that the Lost island is actually Gilligan's Island forty years on!) I'll be a combination of a bigassed polar bear and Hurley. How can you lose with a combination like that?

Answer 3

Well, being that I am Mr. Sky, I could guarantee the weather always cooperates with you. Planning an outdoor party? *POOF* Sunshine Day! Perhaps the crops are looking a little parched *WHAM* It's Raining It's Pouring! Maybe those of us missing the winter sleigh rides would like a day of icy frolic *ZAPPO* Let it Snow! And, of course, there will be those days when one may desire some snuggling in front of a cozy fire watching a good thriller *TA-DA* Stormy Weather!

Weather on command!

Answer 4

I could do all of the above plus more:

1. keep the computers up and running
2. manage all the schools
3. be your personal fitness trainer
4. watch over the island to make sure there is no rule-breaking

If you have anything else that is not listed, just come to me!!!!!!!!!!! Love ya' lots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Actually I am a pretty talented guy so there are two jobs that fit my profile. #1 would be the inspector for all mattresses, specifically with regard to the 'do not remove under penalty of law tag'....that rule should be strictly enforced, and I am the man for the job. #2 would be condom inspector. It would be vital to
insure birth control is strictly adhered to on your Island to insure
no problems with over population occur.

Naturally I would be able to fax you my resume with regards to experience, qualifications, and desired salary. My one and only
true desire is to have a title, may I suggest: "Inspector General
Sanitizer in charge of lay and play." Has a nice ring to it.

Answer 6

I've always wanted to be a Sin-Eater...

Given this depraved bunch, I don't think I'd be without much work. In fact, I may actually need more than a little help with it...;-D

FYI: SIN-EATER - A man who, for a payment, was believed to take upon himself the sins of a deceased person by ritually consuming food and/or drink which, usually, was placed upon the chest/abdomen of the respective corpse.

p.s. Laura: Given the apparent 'randiness' of this lot of males, I don't think a 'fluffer' is really necessary (unless, of course, you're speaking of 'pillows')...:-)))

I'm not trying to dissuade you, I'm just saying --- don't quit your day job!...;-)

Answer 7

I have unique and promising skill. I will celebrate your wondrous civilization island and sing celestial music in celebratory voice which is not true falsetto but strives to attain heavenly heights and song styles. This is my one achievement and worth. I am opera singer for entertainment of peoples. See how I sing any song in this style. Imagine sad island without such songs.

Answer 8

Oooh, can I just be the Proud Mommy? Please, I would love to live on an island...If not I'll be the life guard, so I can sit on the beach and get a GREAT tan...since Monitorhead already took the bum job this is the closest thing I can think of...

Answer 9

I wanna be the official island bum...all island civilizations require the presence of an island bum. My life wouldn't have to dramatically change at all for the job, it's perfect for me!

Answer 10

Could I be a futtock finisher?

This fine and ancient craft is indeed a lost art, and since you are island bound, my honed timber skills would come in handy, should a boat become a requirement.

Answer 11

Eye! I be a good cook and can fish and do a little farming. Argh. I be good at burying treasures too.

Other than that, I can be hired on for advisory purposes... Cheshire Cats are good at advice - just be sure to word your questions carefully!