I am 50yrs old , and met my wife some 18yrs ago, she was prenant within 2months of our meeting this was not a mutual agreement to have a child. My son is now 17yrs old and left school, the marriage was a total disaster but I stayed because of my son.
My question is by sheer chance I met a woman who I can only describe as my sole mate, she is everything I have ever been looking for. Should I just walk away the marriage and pobably out of my sons life, to be with this woman who actually lives on the other side of the country or do I stick it out hoping things will get better.
2006-06-11 04:03:27 · 18 answers · asked by rastus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dodger, let me ask you what do you think this new woman will be like after you leave your wife? Will she actually be the woman you have always dreamed about? She is willing to see a married man so she is not a God fearing woman to be able to do that. If a woman will do this she isn't much of a woman. Now if she and you are not seeing each other that might be different but if she is willing to see you knowing full well you are married whether happy in the marriage or not...then give this more serious thought. Will she do the same to you when she grows tired of you and how do you know she is your soul mate if you two have not been together talking and showing affection? I would really wonder about a man or woman who would see someone who is married. Try spending the extra time your thinking about this soul mate and you just might be amazed what it can do for your marriage..
2006-06-11 04:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
We all hold on, and cling to the known, relationships, shitty jobs, everything.
Most of us are just too afraid to make the great leap into the unknown to see if the grass is greener.
You have held on for years, desperately hoping that things will turn out for the best, when deep down you knew it wouldn't.
You have now met someone new. How do you know that after the honeymoon period things will not slide back into where you are now? At a distance things can seem great, when up close you lose sense of the sheer scale of things.
It could not have always been bad with your current wife.
I would suggest you at least try to resolve some issues by communicating your thoughts a little more with your wife, with the use of a councillor at a marriage guidance centre.
Failing that then agree to separate amicably, and ensure you maintain constant regular contact with your son.
This is a small country where no where is more then a few hours travel from, be it by car or by train/plane/bus, so maintaining physical contact with your son should never be too hard.
Divorce can be a horrid messy, expensive business where only the solicitors gain any real satisfaction.
2006-06-11 11:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by stew_redhill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage was a total disaster but you stayed because of your son... now, he's left school (sounds like you mean dropped out) so he's none the better for your misery, is he?
TALK TO YOUR SON! He's old enough and has been in a couple relationships by now. Be honest and apologize to him, let him know that although you chose to sacrifice your "happiness" in order to stay together as a family - it is not his fault! He needs to know that you love him, but you are human and maybe didn't make the right decision.
He needs to feel that love now more than ever and to be a part of your decision to divorce your wife and move on with your life. If you want him to feel better about his life and future, and if you want his love and respect, you will work things out with him before you do anything else. Just be careful not to allow him to manipulate the situation by playing you against his mother (which he may already be doing). Approach him like the young man he now is, not like a young child - but recognize that there are probably scars that occurred at a young age, so he needs to feels safe to express that to. All of this will take time after 17 years, so be patient.
My son is 15, and I have always been honest with him about why I chose to divorce his dad, and why in life there are no easy decisions to guarantee happiness. I believed that we would have been more miserable had we kept his father in our lives, and although it's been a hard decade I know I've made the right decision.
If the woman you met is truly your soulmate, then true love will wait. She should understand that your son is your first priority and gladly offer her support by not demanding anything of you, but by being a friend. As a woman, I'd want your marriage to be completely over and resolved, and for you to have a good relationship with your child(ren). It would show me that your truly are a mature man with his head on straight, who is not just acting out on his regrets for time that has been lost.
Consider how you want this all to end, and carefully prioritize what steps you will need to achieve the "happy ending" and patiently work towards that goal. Proceed with respect for EVERYONE involved, and you will maintain your dignity. Good Luck!
2006-06-11 11:31:40 · answer #3 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your asking a question that only yourself can answer, my view is there is no point in being in a relationship just for the sake of your son, you need to make sure you are happy yourself, but dont give up anything too soon, does this woman like you or even know that you are liking her, u dont want to make a big mistake by letting go of what u have and then be left with nothing.
your son is old enough and should be able to understand the situation ur in, sit down and have a good think about it, maybe have a good chat with your wife and try mend anything thats causing the problems between u, if you have any.
you need love and you should go get it, wherever it may be
2006-06-11 11:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by km 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you divorce you wife, why do you have to leave your son's life too? Obviously, you love your son very deeply; but your soul mate should not come between the two of you. If you should unfortunately decide to end your relationship with your wife, you should make arrangements to be near your son as his is too young to get on without you. Divorce will hurt, but your unhapiness may hurt more. However, as a father you know you must do right by your son. The way you framed your question shows that you want to be near him. If your "sould mate" loves you, she can move here. However, since you asked, I believe being with your son is far more imprtant. Good luck to you. You sound like a good person.
2006-06-11 17:01:12 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Grudge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
18 years is a long time to be unhappy. Surely your wife has picked up on the lack of closeness in your relationship? Im assuming that youve talked to this soul mate about your feelings? Think about what you want for 1 second here if its to be with the soul mate then think about what you stand to loose, but hey if youre willing to take the risk then go for it. It no good staying in this relationship if youre not happy. Even if you separate from your wife give yourself some space- this would be better than nothing. Whatever you decide good luck
2006-06-11 14:25:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be interesting to know what your wife says about the state of your marriage.....if you have felt this way for long you should have already spoken to your wife how you are feeling. She could be feeling the same way too? If you walked away from your marriage would your son really shut you out of his life? As for this other women in your life do you think she considers you as her soul mate. Nobody knows what the other is thinking ever!!! ..and sometimes the grass in not always greener but I wish you luck...
2006-06-18 09:03:26 · answer #7 · answered by flymetothemoon279 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married her for all the wrong reasons, this may be your chance of happiness. You son is old enough to make his own desicions, and as long as you make the effort to be a father to him then it may not be walking out of his life. Give your wife the chance to find her soul mate too, can't pretend it won't hurt anyone but you may all find a better life out there.
2006-06-17 15:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by felicity_pink 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like sticking around hasn't done you any good yet.And just because you leave the mom doesn't mean you walk out on the kid to. He's almost an adult & he'll do fine.He can always come to visit you.Staying in an unhealthy relationship could hurt him worse than you leaving.But,I wish you the best of luck with your decision.
2006-06-11 11:08:53 · answer #9 · answered by tiltintam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say your son was not a mutual agreement,so you trying to tell me you did not want to have sex with her or that you did not know if you did not take precautions she might get pregnant,come on your so self centered any relationship your in will have problems,i sugest you try working on the one your in before running of and messing up someone elses life.i mean what if you got her pregnant i supose that would be her fault and end up in disaster,maybe you schould be alone
2006-06-11 11:15:07 · answer #10 · answered by norman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋