How do I deal with my immature, relentless, unreasonable husband?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuLrilw...cIZyKMRPIp6yTsy6IX?qid=20060610011906AAL7fcb

Click on the link under question to see what I am specifically referring to please.

Okay guys - I am secretly smiling at your answers for all the divorce suggestions but it's not THAT bad nor will it ever get to that point. I'm just going crazy with this power struggle we're having and I'm at a loss. Aaah, marriage...

Hopeful Helper - I appreciate your answer... there are actually about a dozen reasons why I don't think a Power Wheels is suitable for a One Year Old... safety is just on the top of list which also includes the fact that she won't appreciate it... if she gets a Power Wheels now what will she be getting at 5... there are better toys she could actually learn from that would cost much less... we have better things to spend our money on right now... she can't even walk yet - how can she balance herself in a moving vehicle... we have absolutely no space to store this thing since we live in a military apartment complex with no garage meaning the area in which we would be using this has heavy traffic... they don't make helmets for infants - at least not here they don't...

(This is not necessarily directly towards you alone hopeful helper)... YES - I am a stubborn woman and believe I have every right to be in this particular situation. I have offered my husband plenty of compromises including the option of getting the Power Wheels intended for 12-36 month olds to which he replied "No, I want the 'cool' one". Now that he realizes I am not backing down he says he is just going to get a card for her birthday. SO - while I should not be coming onto the internet and bashing my husband... this woman is pissed and needs to let it out. This has been going on for nearly two weeks and I have been extremely patient and reasonable trying to come to a conclusion and I have had quite enough. Can you really blame me for not wanting to get this for my daughter when I just - plain and simple - have a BAD feeling about it.

Answer 1

Hey, you said the magic words! "Power Struggle." (I actually didn't read ALL the details on this one, but here goes...)

You have two choices.
1) Engage in the argument and try to make your point: If you go this route, you will end up more frustrated from him refusing to hear you, OR refusing to admit that you are right, even if he knows it.
2) Disengage, and leave him feeling stupid: If you choose to disengage, HE will be more frustrated, and possibly try harder to start a fight.

I recommend disengaging, as it is most effective. Depending on YOUR temperament, though, it may be easier said than done. If you don't know how to do it, here you go:

When he's stated his case, whether he's right or wrong, and regardless of what he says or how he says it... even if you disagree, you just give him a look that falls somewhere between blank and thoughtful, and say, "Okay," and go on about your business. The trick is not to necessarily IGNORE him, but you have to check your response and contain your own emotions. Don't tune him out. Let him rant. If you MUST engage, then keep it simple and to the point - if he asks for input, you say, "I don't agree with that," and if he asks WHY, you don't have to say anything more than, "I've already told you why, and I will not repeat myself." Disengaging is usually most effective using phrases like, "Okay," and "I'm sorry you feel that way."
I'm pretty sure you know about my daily drama, so you should know that we've established, over the last year, that what I say goes. That's not to say that I'm "the boss," just that I have no control over his brain & his mouth, so if he really requires a response, then I'll keep it short and neutral, or even come out and say, "I don't have anything to say to that."
It's never easy, especially if it's something you haven't used on a regular basis. But if YOU can stick with it, eventually he will back down.
By not engaging in the argument, you actually limit his feeling of power. You should eventually reach a middle ground again.

That's about the best I can do on the spot. If you need more, catch me. I'll be around off & on, but may be generally unavailable until Tuesday.

Answer 2

Not too sound cynical Angie but since your hubby and you seem to be equally stubborn (no disrespect intended) and for the sake of quelling the disagreement then maybe a compromise is in order. Personally I think the whole Power Wheels idea for a 1yo is a bit early in age but you both seem to think it's okay only with respect to different styles for safety purposes. So, why not suggest to your husband that you could go along with his wishes provided he can install a complete safety harness and roll cage to ensure your daughters safety. In fact, go as far as to fabricate a 'doctored' manufacturer's warning label that specifically states this as a requirement for not voiding the manufacturers liability of use and present him a copy prior to making the purchase.
Yeah, I know, this is a silly idea but sometimes taking the satirical approach to argumentative issues can change the overall perspective of one from stubborn to relenting by lightening the atmosphere to a more laughable one. The best way I know of to reach to change a stubborn mind is make a person laugh at their own stubbornness.

Good Luck !!

Answer 3

Well fights are always two sided. I think your husband hears you, but you think that since you aren't getting your way, you feel ignored. He just disagrees. May I make a suggestion? Let him get it for her. Its a gift he wants to give her and it means he'll be spending quality time with her. I know you are concerned with her safety, make a deal that if she rides it, he must be with her, and she gets to wear a helmet. That will protect her from any Real danger. She'll live from a few scratches, if that happens. I can see you're frustrated, I've been there lots with my daughter. For your sake, spend some loving one on one time with ur hubby, thank him for his good heart and tell him how much you appreciate him. Breathe. You're a good mom, worried and you have a right to be. But dont let something so small have such an effect on ur marriage. The best gift you guys can give ur daughter is to show her how to have a healthy relationship. Good Luck. I hope it all works out for you. :)

Answer 4

I have 3 kids another one in the belly..lol. My oldest is 5. then next one is 3. I think around 3 is a good age for power wheels they are dangerous for a one year old and if something owuld happen then you could get in trouble for neglect. It is crazy but even when they are "our" kids the goverment and dsocial services have a major decision in what goes on in our lives. he might be rightr beside her, but how cna a 1 year old knwo how to operate it. I would get a website that has child accidents on it and show it to him. men are stubborn though and he might just get it for her now cuz he don;t want to seem to "lose the fight". good luck though

Answer 5

If you are the praying type, you may pray for serenity to accept the things you can't change, and courage to change the things you can.

Really, you can't change him. To expect him to change will make your life miserable. Live with it. It was probably for the same reason that you married him in the first place. Ask your parents or friends and see if I'm not right.

But, through your prayer, the effect may be transformation on your part, on how you treat him and deal with his quirks. Then, it may be possible that he will get his act together for both of you.

Answer 6

oh, that's tough....i agree with you powerwheels are definately unsafe for a child that young.....if he insists on getting it, let him, and then take the battery and bury it in the backyard, it won't run without that...really sometimes they get an idea stuck in their head, and they refuse to budge, and often it ends up badly.....sweetie i wish i really had an answer for you, i know now matter how much you voice your objections he is just going to ignore you (personal experience)....maybe divorce is the only option. ( i'm just kidding.) Hang in there...maybe he'll come around and realize that his daughter's safety is more important than his happiness.

Answer 7

Since I dont know all the details, I would suggest divorce. Life is too short to be miserable. If you need to talk, email me and we can set up a IM time. I will listen and help if I can. Good luck.

Answer 8

easy get a knew one but make sure you choose more carefully next time

Answer 9

it appears that you are in a bad marriage, it would be best to get out while you can

Answer 10

Hey, just talk to him, I think he'll understand if you say you love him but that he is immature!