How to care about your family less and care about yourself more?

Question

I found out that I have been sacrifying for other people too much but myself. I am the bread winner for my parents, my sister & brother, I supported them for study oversea and I am trying to work to buy a house for my parent. I take care of my mother because she is sick, I encourage my father because I know he is tired when his wife has been sick for long and he has dedicated his whole life for his family. I am exhausted by doing that and unbalanced because I dont have anyone to share. My boyfriend failed to understand and share with me. We have been in love for 6 years and now I am not ready to marry him even he wants though. I ignored a lof ot good men who came to me because I want to keep my faith in him. It seemed that I dont love him much but I dont want to make him sad & I am scare because I am old now. At the age of 28 in a peak of fame, I want to die because I dont think I can live with this life for long, where I am the shelter for everyone but myself. I am lonely!

Answer 1

Hi, sorry to say but I'm not surprised that your boyfriend doesn't understand. If he's not willing to share in the sense that he doesn't wanna see you unmarried to him and start a life with him, then he's only right. He's trying to pull you out of the mess you're in. He loves you. The only reason you think you don't love him that much is because you love your family more.

I know someone who did what you've done and today, do you know where she is? She's 55 and still unmarried - all alone. No parents, her sisters are married, her brother's got his wife and NOBODY cares for her. She lives in her parents' house all by herself. Because she thought nobody will handle all the problems you're talking about if she leaves. She was a good daughter, and sister but today, she's an unfilfulled woman with nothing to look forward to, no husband, no companion, no kids.

I don't mean to scare you but....... is this what you want from your life? Coz quite honestly, if you're not willing to just leave them for sometime, you have no right to grumble about being unhappy. You're asking for this to happen to you. SO if you REALLY want to be happy, just trust one thing - your family had survived before you were born, and they will once you're gone. You really think that (god forbid) something happened to you tomorrow, your family would collapse??? No honey, it's a case of survival of the fittest. They will live on, coz life moves on. Read the Geetha........

So, you need to trust your boyfriend, and get married asap. Just coz you've moved away doesn't mean you can't help - BUT assure your boyfriend this will be in its limits. That means you won't live with him but have your soul stuck in your parental home - and really, DO IT! Give your life a chance, and give yourself a reason to be happy. Good luck.

Answer 2

I sense that you are completely exhausted, and that you feel like you have given yourself to everyone else but you. You feel like you haven't been true to yourself during your life. At 28, it is far too young an age to give up! You have so much more life to live! Think about how today can be the start..and that from today on you can begin to make to decisions that will make you happiest! If you don't love your boyfriend..then go it on your own for a bit. If you are unsure about your next step, then take a little time for yourself to rest, and think. It sounds like you need too.
Also, please consider getting some personal psychotherapy for yourself. It sounds like that would help you figure a few things out in your life.
Best wishes.

Answer 3

I think you need to sit down and really prioritize your life. Your boyfriend sounds like he is draining emotionally and if you are not too emotionally committed, i think I would sever ties with him, to rid yourself of one less burden. As far as the family goes, it is not your duty, nor your responsibility to do all that you are doing. How can you truly make other ppl happy if you yourself are not? Try to minimize what you do and be consistent. Tell them how you feel, tell them you are not leaving enough time or energy for yourself and you will end up nowhere with nothing in the end if you don't start to focus more on your own personal needs. They are your family and i believe if they love you like they should, they will understand this.