i love my husband but he is physically, mentally, and emotionally mean to me. i dont know what to do?

Question

he excuses me of cheating several times a day, everyday. i never have. he calls me names and makes me feel awful. when i leave he is all sweet to me and tries to get me to come back and ahen i do its the same thing. everybody tells me to leave him and that he'll never change. i just dont know?

Answer 1

Listen everyone, they're seeing everything from the outside and really worry about your well being.... for your own good, leave, things won't get any better, only worse. Don't let him desguise you with his "sweet" performance.

Answer 2

that is a bad situation...most people will tell you to leave him and i believe that to an extent...first you must try and get him help,he may have some problems (mentally) you dont know about or he might not even know about...but if he is hurting you,you should tell him he has one more chance...and that chance is getting help and if he dont then your gone. seek help from a church and have some real God fearing people talk with him...does he drink?does he get into fights with other people? it makes a big difference becasue he could have some psychological problems.
think about it like this...if you had an impairment,such as a deep deppression,would you want the person you choose to be with you through thick and thin,better or worse to leave you for something that might not be your fault to begin with???simple medicines can help alter your brain chemicals to where they are suppose to be.
but if this is not the case...then you still need to seek a churches advice and help and you should leave him!!! but give him the opportunity once more only if you think this could be true...and dont get yourself hurt...please...it happens all the time

Answer 3

That is verbal abuse, if not physical abuse as well. But this does not mean that your marriage has to end. Many women have saved this kind of marriage. Firstly you must realize you can't change a person, but you can INFLUENCE him. With this kind of relationship, tough love is the best approach. But tough love should only be used if you have already tried the soft approaches, like talking to him about it, asking him to see a counsellor, asking him to work on the marriage with you, etc. If the soft approaches don't work, then go see a counsellor who will guide you through the tough love approach. And don't forget to pray because God is the best Counsellor in the universe. Tough love is about LOVE and trying to fix your marriage. It's not about being mean or taking revenge. One tough love approach is to move out and leave a note saying how much you love him, how much he means to you, and mention all the good things that you appreciate about him. But tell him your feelings and your hurt. Don't accuse him. Don't say "you never" or "you always". Just say "I feel hurt by the way I am treated." I feel hurt when you shout at me. Rather use "I statements" than "you statements". He must know that the goal of your tough love is LOVE and restoration of the marriage, but you must also be TOUGH and not give in to his soppy sorries and promises. You will NOT move back in with him or see him until he goes for counselling with you and until he has CHANGED for good. This might take a few months or even up to a year! The counsellor will tell you when he is ready for you to move back in with him. You can go on dates together after the first 3 months of counselling, but don't move in with him. He needs a lot of counselling to sort himself out. Find a good Christian counsellor who does NOT use hypnotism or neurolinguistic programming. Find a counsellor who uses the Bible and good practical tips. Your husband has a reason for being this way. Something inside him is making him unhappy and it is being expressed in the wrong way. Maybe he was treated badly as a child or maybe he is unhappy about something else. Maybe he feels insecure or he is scared of losing you but it's all coming out the wrong way because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. This is why he should go for counselling and by using the tough love approach you are HELPING him because you love him. You are not punishing him.

Answer 4

You need to show him that you are serious about leaving when you say it! tell him this is what needs to happen and if things start to fall back again leave again if he is worth it keep doing it until he gets it right he eventually will. My boyfriend was the exact say way. They are just insecure men they will get over it thought it takes time and help. He really needs you trust me! Don't leave him for good unless things don't work out. It will be hard but if he is worth it work for it.

Answer 5

I am not sure if he has always been this way. if not, what made him change? If something happened in the past where you were unfaithful, he is not getting over it and probably never will.
If he has always been this way and is just getting worse, I woud suggest leaving him for your own sanity. Over time this type of behavior will wear you down. You will not please him and you state that he is "physically" mean to you as well. This tells me he is also hitting you. You do not deserve this and he needs help.
Go before it's too late.

Answer 6

You say he is "physically, mentally, and emotionally mean to me". If the previous statement is true get out... get out now, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00. If he hurts you physically just one time that's one time too many and if he's just plain mean you need to get away before he kills you. Forget about counseling as far as to save the marriage...use it to help you regain the self esteem you've lost living with someone like that.
Yes over time it's possible for people to change but they almost never change in circumstances like you're in with your husband. He'll keep promising and promising and as long as you stay with him you'll regret it. Good luck.

Answer 7

In my opinion the one that accuses is the one that is doing it. My kids dad accused me all the time , And I never cheated on him, Well come to find out about 5 yrs later , He had been cheating on me. He was even with my own sister. One time during an argument he hit me and broke my nose, While he was driving and I had my 1 yr old niece on my lap. Blood was all over her. I say you need to get out of the relationship before its to late. You might end up hurt real bad one day or , possibily even dead.

Answer 8

If he is all what you claim then he doesn't love you. I would move on and try to find a person that will treat you better. Life is to short to be unhappy all of the time. You need to believe in yourself that you deserve to be respected and that your feelings are important as well

Answer 9

let me tell you, my man was the same way. 4yrs of him hitting me, cheating on me, unemployed, etc. he accused me of cheating all the time and would just take my money. we have a child too. until one day i stopped being scared and got up the nerve to kick him out. keep the phone next to you and depending on how he is, be careful of the steps ahead. i was afraid he was gonna kill me. he would show up to my house with a gun and threaten me all the time. have friends to help you with whats going on. you might even have to see a counselor for emotional help. have a good support team. but be stong and leave him cause the longer you stay there, the harder it will be for you to leave him and move on with your life.

Answer 10

why you stupid bytch, you didn't show up at the motel last nite again,, j/k obviously you are doing something wrong , all the other women in the world are happy. hey it happens, you married the wrong person. you keep going back. if you do leave him , is all your advisers going to help pay your bills? do what you feel you need to do without listening to other people. advice is cheap.