Im 21 and my boyfriend and I want to get married. How should i tell my mom? Would the weeding cost me alot?

Question

Its weird because she doesnt like the idea of me getting even engaged, she got married when she was 19 and now that im 21 i want to get married with my boyfriend and she said that if I get married she wil not help me with nothing.. I dont have a house yet, how can I get a house for cheap.. Im living in Connecticut and my boyfriend in Puerto Rico, but i want to know if its right that I get marry without her even liking the idea?

Answer 1

No Weeding is free, and good exercise!
Holy crap, your Boy friend is in Puerto Rico? If you are living that far apart, how do you know you are ready to get married? Long distance relationships, need a long amount of time. How often do you see him? How do you even know his strengths...shortcomings? Listen to your Mom girl. Sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders...AND she's looking out for her baby girl. I like that! It's pretty rare these days to have a parent who cares.

Answer 2

The wedding is important, but it doesn't seem to be the biggest issue here. Why doesn't your mom want you to marry your boyfriend? Because if they don't like each other then there are going to be some serious problems down the road and you will be caught in the middle. If that is the case I would wait on getting married until you and your mom can come to an understanding. If you are concerned with the cost of the wedding you may want to go ahead and purchase a Wedding planning book. It should give you some idea of what all you need to do have the kind of wedding that you want. If you want to save money you can see if any friends or relatives have things from their weddings that can be reused such as a veil, candle holders, flower girl basket, etc.

As for the house issue...you may want to try living in an apartment first. Houses are expensive. Cheap houses usually require major upgrading. If you are stuck on the idea of a house there are FHA loans in the states (Puerto Rico may be different I don't know).

Answer 3

This is a hard thing when it comes to your little girl getting married. Especially at 21. There is so much more to learn in life at 21. I know your probably tired of hearing that but trust me there is. At 38 I wish I would have known some of the things I know now at 21. How do you know if you want to marry someone if you don't even have the normal everyday life together. With you guys being so far apart then there is really not time to know each other fully. I'm sure things are great with you guys on daily basis but maybe that's because there so many miles between you that you miss each other. With so many miles apart of course its always going to be happy times when you talk or see each other. Please if you take any advice listen to your moms side. If your ready to get married then you should have things worked out in your life. Like where can I buy a house. You guys don't even have house to have a married life in. You shouldn't have to depend on your mom to help you. Marriage is a commitment and that comes along with a place to live, bills and relationship. Your marring a man and not your mom so why should your mom have to help. If the marriage was right then you wouldn't have to worry about your mom liking it.

Answer 4

At 21 you are legally an adult. You do not need your mother's permission. If you want her approval and respect, that is another story altogether. The 'weeding'? I don't know how much the 'weeding' will cost, but a wedding can be as inexpensive or expensive as you want it to be. If you want to marry this guy, you can just get married. You don't need to have a wedding.

My personal advice? I think you are too young to get married, but that's just me. At 21 I was half way through college and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. I have a 21 year old and I would probably be devastated if he told me he wanted to get married right now. But, it is his life and he can do whatever he wants. I would strongly discourage it to a point, but if that is what he chose to do I would have to accept it and move on. Your mom probably only wants what is best for you, and it sounds as though she is speaking from experience.

I agree with her not helping you with your wedding. Since you are an adult and making such an adult decision, you should be able to carry through on your own adult decision in a responsible fashion - which means that if you are adult enough to decide to marry, you are adult enough to pay your own way and pay for your own wedding.

Answer 5

It's your life, do what you want. Are you sure your boyfriend will return from Puerto Rico? What does his family think about the marriage?

If you need your mother's help with a house, you should listen to her. If your boyfriend can afford to buy a house, you won't have to worry about your mother.

Houses are expensive. Think about everything that you have coming up in your life - and see if you can make ends meets if you buy a house - a mortgage, etc.

Answer 6

You state that you are 21 so you are old enough to marry without consent.
A fancy, expensive wedding and ceremony does not ensure a good partnership.
If you and your boyfriend love each other enough to want to get married, sit down with your mother and tell her that it is your life not hers. She must learn to accept your decision She sounds like she is trying to stop you from making the same mistake as she did.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best for the future.

Answer 7

Legally, you don't have to tell her. But she may be on to something. Sit down with her, talk to her, and find out her reasons for thinking this is such a bad idea. I'm planning a wedding right now- it's not cheap. It's very complicated, expensive, and time consuming. Why is your boyfriend/fiance in PR? Did you meet him on the internet or something?

Answer 8

i got married at 22 in 2005. my husband was in europe and i was here in arizona. we had a long distance relationship since 2003. it was really hard. but if you really love someone you will make it work. i never had a career. i was working full time at a shoe store. he didnt have a career either. he was going to school full time. we had no money, no house, no car. but we wanted to get married. so we got money from family members and someday we will pay them back. they will wait until we have that money to give back. we had our wedding in europe. a very nice large wedding for 4,000 dollars.
i say that if you are ready to marry, then get engaged first. stay engaged for couple of months while you figure out a way to pay for this wedding. but dont get married until your mother is somewhat okay with it. show her that you are mature and ready to start a serious relationship. show her that you two will make it on your own.
good luck!

Answer 9

A decent wedding cost alot. Don't rush into a marriage decision though so young in age. Engagement is fine, but take your time to marry. Hope this helps

Answer 10

Oooh Lord......


If you marry? You will NOT be held responsible. He will, of course.

In fact, 85% of married women has filed restraining order as a sure fire way to take the kids (in common with marriage), and slams the father out of the home. The father will have an incredibly difficult time --close to impossible-- to even visit his own flesh and blood post R/O....let alone, to ever get back home.

OR......

If you two get into an arguement (verbal--doesn't have to be yelling or profane), you MAY and CAN construed this as ABUSE (regardless if you're the one screaming, cussing, or beating him), he WILL go to jail.

OR......

AT ANY TIME(even in your sleep probably)....allege "rape". Over 75% of rape cases in the U.S., are false. However, it is a sure fire way of getting him in jail, taking all he owns, and never worry about child custody ever again. However, this may become a drawback if the local 'National Organization for Women' decides to make a movie or write a book in your credit... Press will hallow you as a "survivor". This im truly disgusted with because there are true victims out there...MEN and women.

This list goes on and on of how you can and may strip your husband (if you choose to marry) of his civil rights as a human being. I wont even wish you good luck, as society, U.S. Government, & mass media credits you already.

frankly dear, you dont have much to worry about.

Domestic violence current research indicates the following:

female on male violence (marriage) 18.20% severe violence.

oppose to

male on female violence (marriage) 13.66% severe violence.