2006-06-10 15:16:05 · 13 answers · asked by chas_kace 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
on my first divorce...my girls were 6 and 8 yrs of age...they were daddys girls..he was a complete ***...left and completely abandoned them...at that age...i simply said that their daddy loved them very much...and that we (mom & dad) were not gonna live together anymore....i just kept stressing that their daddy did love them..as they got older...they realized the truth..and asked me...at 10 & 12...then i told them the truth ...but still said that he loved them ...just that he was going thru some really rough times.
when the oldest hit 18...she looked for her dad..found him..learned for herself he was an a%@...now at 22 & 24 they are starting to form a relationship...but they both thanked me for not belittling him to them when they were younger. Now...i tell them...how hard that was for me..cuz he was a complete A#@#$%#$ and every other thing i could think of lmao...
2006-06-10 15:44:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I have a 19 year old daughter. Her father and I got divorced when she was an infant. I had to explain many things about her father as the years went by. Here is how I went about it. First I told her that her dad is a good enough ( puke ) guy. And that he does love her. But he is also a guy who makes bad decisions. He makes bad choices. By telling her this it took the blame she wrongfully put on herself. It separates his behavior from her actions. It gives the responsibility to him and rightfully so. Thru the years this has been helpful to her. It's important not to talk poorly of her dad. If you do that you are putting down 1/2 of her. She can't articulate this of course, but she will feel it. This also has always reinforced that life is about choices.
This isn't a cure all. She still has issues with her dad. He's a jerk. She feels deserted by him. I try to help with that but sometimes I think I'm just too close to the issue.
I hope this helps!
2006-06-10 15:26:00 · answer #2 · answered by dydy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, whatever it might be. I knew the truth about why my father didn't see me when I was only 4 years old. I'm so glad my mother told me the truth instead of sugar coating it. Don't try to make him seem worse than he really is, just tell the truth. She'll appreciate it later. She's old enough to understand and will resent it if you treat her like a baby about this.
2006-06-10 15:29:06 · answer #3 · answered by married_so_leave_me_alone1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to stick up for my daughter absent father....he was busy, he must of got the days wrong, ect, ect....finally when she reached 10 she figured it out herself and she asked why I lied, I told her I didn't want to see her hurt...But my 10 year old said to me that I hurt her by not being truthful and telling lies about her father....He hasnt seen her since she was 9 and she is now 11. And you know what she is doing much better now, that she knows the truth, then believing that he cared..
2006-06-10 15:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by tweeterbird73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to guess without knowing more about your situation, but if you dont know, just tell her that. my son is 8 as well and i think i would tell him something like: "i wish i could tell you what is going on, but i really dont know either and i dont understand. but i love you and im here for you and so are..." and name everyone else in her life. thats got to be hard, but its not your fault and its not her fault so i think trying to help relieve some of the pressure thats probably on her young mind as well as reinforcing who IS in her life might help a bit. you cant take away all her pain but she will grow up knowing who WAS there for her and that is important. my son only sees his dad about once a year but i have the reason of 'he lives overseas and wishes he could come more but cant afford it' to use. but im waiting for my son to ask me why his dad never calls or writes other than holidays and birthdays (if even then). he hasnt asked that yet but i plan to give the same answer i gave above. good luck!
2006-06-10 17:00:48 · answer #5 · answered by Kez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wHATEVER THE TRUTH MY BE JUST TELL HIM OR HER. I DON'T THINK THAT KIDS SHOULD BE LEFT IN THE DARK ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT AND THE SITUATION OF WHY THEY ARE NOT AROUND ANYMORE I HAVE 3 KIDS AND THE OLDEST ONES SEE THEIR DAD MAYBE ONCE A YEAR OR LONGER. I HAD TO LET THEM KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THEIR DAD AND WHY HE IS THE WAY IS TO THE POINT THEY UNDERSTAND AND THEY DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS ANYMORE ABOUT HIM.
2006-06-10 16:18:03 · answer #6 · answered by SEXXYDARKCHOCO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her the truth because one day the truth will come out and if u dont tell her the truth she will know u lied and she will hate you for not telling to the truth so from then on out she will think u lie to here about every thing..so tell her the truth plz because i wish my dad would of told me..the truth about some thing i wnated to know..any way i hope every thing good happens to u in ur life..all my best wishes go to u
2006-06-10 15:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Sexy_Mami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way to tell a child why someone doesn't see them anymore. Be as honest as you can and let her know that he loves her in his own way. I think the worst thing for a child to feel is that they are not loved.
2006-06-10 15:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to her to form her own opinion about any and all people in her life. Just tell her the truth and all will come out just fine.
2006-06-10 15:42:07 · answer #9 · answered by teetee's mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the truth, that her father is a @@@@@, just kidding, stick to the t
2006-06-10 15:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by tsoddy2013 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋