We are in the beginning stages of our divorce. Haven't even had our first meeting yet. Anyway, in early March she abandoned our family home and took our 7 month old son to live with her father. Read on.
I had spent all of last year working 7 days a week/14 hours a day which was rough, but I had to do what I had to do to be the provider for my wife and unborn son. Provide a home, food, and maintain insurance. My wife didn't feel the need or desire to work during that time. There is more to it but that's enough of that.
Her and I made an agreement that when I were to leave that job I could find myself a better job/career to provide a better financial life and work traditional hours to spend time with my family. It is not easy making a career change, especially when you've had the year that I had and you have a newborn baby at home.
Anyway after 3 months of job searching and interviewing she left. I was crushed and had trouble doing anything. I'm sure some people can relate.
2006-06-10 13:13:55 · 22 answers · asked by dean_moriarty00 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So here we are now alittle over 3 months since she left and I have been working for over a month now in a job that pays double the salary I used to make and I work from 9-5, well I do work overtime cause I have no reason to come home now.
She blames me for her abandoning our family home and now she blames me for the divorce.
Is she immature, insane, did she leave because of an affair? No one knows why.
It sucks not knowing why.
2006-06-10 13:15:12 · update #1
my god she should have been walking on cloud nine to have such a hard working husband as you in her life & to beat all she stayed home taking care of the baby theres no time for boredom beleive me. theres something more missing in this picture maybe shes to much confined to the house or maybe having babies were a bit to soon for her it seems like it to me shes just not a family person at all maybe theres something missing in her life who knows if she cant be there for her family than she does need to move on with her life shes not worth having around if its gonna cause problems later on in life >good luck<
2006-06-10 13:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by lil_bit_nv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she's a gold-digger or she would have been happy with the money and glad you were gone so much. She probably feels neglected. I don't think you did it deliberately. Sometimes men get so caught up in "providing" for the family that they forget to provide love and kindness. Money and possessions aren't everything. She probably felt like she was doing everything around the house and all the childcare. Without meaning to, husbands make wives feel invisible. Too many times when a wife tries to talk to a hubby, he calls her crazy or immature, which you had no problem doing here. This will make her even more upset.
I'm sorry to say, but I understand how this could have happened. It seems like you think you did everything right, which means you haven't done much listening. You hear her, but you probably don't listen.
She didn't leave the family or the house, she left you. If a woman can grab the kid and leave a home she probably loves, you need to look at yourself and the relationship you had partial control over.
I wish you the best, and I hope you can help heal the situation.
2006-06-10 20:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by 4kidsmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm not hearing anything about how you feel or felt about her. Was she equally clueless as to your feelings about her? The first year after a baby is born is really hard on some moms. Often they are insecure about how they look. They feel unsexy and sometimes unloved. She may have been hearing you say that you were working late because you wanted to provide for your family, but she may have been feeling that the real reason was that you didn't want to be with her. It is also possible that she was suffering from postpartum depression. For all your sakes I suggest that you write her a letter and tell her you still love her. If you write her a letter then you will have a better chance of really getting all your feelings across without becoming tongue tied or being interrupted. Tell her what you always found special about her. And ask her to go to counseling with you. A baby needs it's father and your wife needs your love (as you need hers). Believe it or not if one person is willing to work towards fixing a relationship the other person will often fall in line.
2006-06-10 20:37:26 · answer #3 · answered by URez2read 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you have not explained the actual blame she is putting on you, when you wrote:
"She blames me for her abandoning our family home and now she blames me for the divorce."
What reasons did she give to put the blame on you ? What, according to her, is your fault that caused her to abandon the family? And why, according to her, is the divorce your fault?
But here's what I think of situations like this:
We cannot force another person to do something that they don't want to do. You cannot force your wife to come back to you if she no longer wants to stay with you. It will only lead to a lot more heartache.
If she wants to go, let her go. But you might want to think carefully about custody over your child, or at least the ongoing rights to visit your child.
2006-06-10 20:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by rempuh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most normal woman want to be cared for and loved...we love the caveman scenario...he hunts for food...we keep up the cave...but always we love the hunter that hunts for the sake of Love.
No matter what you did if she did not feel Loved...The Cave..Caves IN. But on the other hand...maybe it was the other way around....cave woman gave her all...caveman came home with the bacon...scratched...hit her over the head...and that was that....she loves him... Only thing is he found out how to help around the Cave a little too late....Truly if she loves you....and you love her.
Start by trying to date her again...show her in many ways how much she mean to you..Talk to the woman. If she is still with you in her heart she will listen....If not move on.
For all you know she may CAVE!
Good luck
2006-06-10 20:34:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her. Tell her you want to talk calmly and rationally and honestly. Tell her how you feel and listen to what she has to say even if you don't like it. Explain to her what you were going through the past year, and that you now have the job that the two of you had been waiting for. If you want the marriage to work ask her to come back and tell her you want to give it another shot.
Get the both of you into marriage counseling and work on your marriage.
2006-06-10 20:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell u what I feel about her because I don't know her side.You also take no responsibility for the breakup of your marriage.You have ever right to have a reason to come home to make time for your child.The best thing I think for u is to seek counseling and visitation with your child.
2006-06-10 20:44:56 · answer #7 · answered by rachellynn200 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what is being said it doesnt seem like she kept w/ her part of the bargain, and u did, but that's jsut from what ur saying. No it isn't fair, is she even letting u see your son? I don't know, maybe she was unhappy for some other reason as well other than what ur already saying and this was a way out, but yeahh, she's not bneing fair
2006-06-10 20:22:40 · answer #8 · answered by lonely_dove04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems like you can do alot better i can answer that. you were doing what you could to provide for your family and it wasnt good enough to her. there are so many people out there like myself that respect a hard working person. if she doesnt, then youll find someone easily that does. at least it happened now rather than when you were 60. thats the way i look at it
2006-06-10 20:19:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's being an ****** but she may have her reasons for acting that way. I suggest that you just do what has to be done for you child b/c that is the most important thing the child you are powerless over her bull sh-- so remain stromng for your son>
2006-06-10 20:23:36 · answer #10 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋