i need help with my husband and upcoming child?

Question

i just don't think he is so happy i don't know what else to try to get him involved i have tried everything help

i have a child from a past marriage he has been in her life since she was 4 months and now she is a year i am do in nov. and i just can't get him to talk about the baby i can't get him to understand that i am going though changes i guess it is like he pretending not care

Answer 1

Perhaps you are looking at this situation from only your perspective and not taking his into consideration. Allow me to expand on that thought...

When we women get pregnant...we have no option but to notice all of the changes. We *feel* every little movement that the unborn child makes. We are the ones that go to the doctor's appointments and endure the exams and questions. We cannot forget that there is a human being developing within us.

Try to put yourself in the man's position. He isn't sharing his body with a developing child. His feet are not swelling. His back is not aching. His hormones are not taking him on that hellish emotional rollercoaster. He does not feel the baby bouncing on his bladder, kicking him in the kidney, climbing up under his rib cage, and doing somersaults at 3 a.m.

For many men...the child isn't yet real because they are not the ones that experience all of the physical and emotional changes that come with being pregnant. We women rarely have a moment pass during our pregnancies in which we do not know the baby is there and is developing. Trying to get a man to fully understand and appreciate the experience would be the same as trying to get a person that has been blind since birth to fully understand and appreciate the color blue.

The reality of the situation is that very few men learn to appreciate the subtle nuances involved with the various stages of pregnancy and the effect it has on the mother. As much as we would like for the father to be as focused on the developing child as we are...realistically, they have no real frame of reference.

Many men do not get to truly appreciate what they helped to create until the day the baby is born. The birth of their child gives them tangible evidence of the conception. We women, on the other hand, have 9 months of nearly constant reminding that a child is on its' way.

So, I am hard-pressed to go with the assumption that he is pretending to not care. I know it is not easy for a pregnant woman to keep her emotions in check and look at things logically. I also know what it is like to have the deep need for some emotional support from the expectant father and feeling as if it isn't there. However, we have to remind ourselves that our baby's father is not having the same pregnancy experience that we are.

I would say if he is a good father to your other child...and if he is a good husband otherwise...try to not be so hard on him. I think you will see a totally different level of interest and involvement when you are lying in the delivery room with him at your side.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 2

Women, expect men to have the same joyful feelings about "having a baby," that they do. That is a mistake. Would you be excited over getting under the hood of a greasy old car and saying, this is wonderful?! No, I don't think you would.

Women are emotional - not in a negative way - they process everything from inside out.

Men, just sort of come and go, everything is "okay." Everything will work out.

Men and women are emotionally different.

Unless your husband makes a big change, you need to leave him the way he is. Perhaps the closer you get to having the baby, he will feel more "in-tune," with what is going on with you.

Don't nag. Stop bringing up the subject in front of him. Many men, have no interest in hearing about a baby.

Otherwise, I sense that you have a good man.

Enjoy him.

Answer 3

I wouldn't worry about him not being excited or involved with the pregnancy. It's not the same for a woman as a man. We experience everything. Movement, growth, and just knowing we are carrying and helping this little person grow. My husband wasn't as excited as I wanted him to be with either of my pregnancy. Your upcoming child isn't here yet so there is nothing he can do now. He doesn't get to feel the movement or the whole pregnancy feeling. When that little soul is born and he lays his eyes on the child he created. When he sees them little toes and fingers and when he hears that little cry with the first breath from his child, it will change everything. The birth of child is usually the cause of making a grown man cry. Don't worry he wont be able to resist the little one when it is born. If he has been there with a baby that wasn't his, then he'll definitely be there for one that is his. Good luck with new one! Relax and enjoy this little child that you are helping grow. Especially if this is the last one then just enjoy it.

Answer 4

Sometimes a man just does not know how to deal with impending fatherhood. I know it is hard to look at the situation that way, and it is easier to see it as a rejection of you, the pregnancy, or the baby-to-be, but it may just help ease the tension between you two, if you an feel compassion for whatever nervousness he may be feeling about a new baby in the house.

if that does not work, do NOT wreck your pregnancy worrying about your husband. Enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. Don't let your husband's coldness affect your happiness about your new baby.

Answer 5

WELL IS HE GOOD TO THE CHILD YOU ALREADY HAVE? IF HE IS THEN CHANCES ARE HE'S GONNA BE GOOD TO THIS UP COMING BABY TOO. YOU REALLY DO NEED TO SIT HIM DOWN AND FIND OUT WHAT HE'S THINKING BEFORE YOU CAN EVEN FIGURE OUT YOUR GAME PLAN.

TALK TO HIM AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIM. MAYBE HE JUST ISN'T READY FOR ANOTHER CHILD. I MEAN GEEZ YOUR OTHER CHILD IS WHAT A YEAR OLD. IT SEEMS KINDA SOON TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. HE'S PROBABLY NOT READY AND YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT TOO.

OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING THRU CHANGES, BUT SOME WOMEN I'M SORRY THEY JUST TAKE IT TOO FAR AND IF I WAS A MAN, I'D SAY HEY!!!!!!!!! CHILL OUT! AND I'M A WOMAN! SO YOU TRY AND NOT BE TOO OVERWHELMING. CUZ IT'S NOT RIGHT TO BE SCANDALOUS AND USE PREGNANCY AS AN EXCUSE.

GOOD LUCK AND MAYBE WHEN YOUR CHILD IS BORN, HE'LL WARM UP TO THE BABY. MAYBE HE'S STRESSED OUT ABOUT FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND RESPONSIBILITY. JUST TALK TO HIM AND FIND OUT AND TRY AND SOOTH HIM AND LET HIM KNOW IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

Answer 6

Even though this is your second child, it is his first, and he wasn't around to see the changes from the first I take it. Maybe he just isn't sure how to handle all the changes in you and what u r going through in your pregnancy.
He might have a lot of questions, doubts and fears but does not know who to ask, maybe being afraid to ask you cause it might upset u.
Are there any other couples that u know that have a child already that he might be able to talk to?
Good Luck, Just sounds like first time jitters to me.

Answer 7

Trust me he is going through alot of emotions himself, ones that maybe are hard for him to talk about. When he fell in love with you he also fell in love with your little girl. I don't think that he is scared about fatherhood because he is already a father to a beautiful little girl. He could be worried whether he will be able to treat them the same, and maybe he thinks that could be on your mind to. He hasn't been a dad for very long and it could be he wasn't ready to split his time up with two babies. Just becuse it's hard for men to express their fears and feelings does'nt mean they don't have them. Everyone in the family needs to feel that they have an important role in the birth of this baby. Don't worry if he seems alittle detached he might be worried about how the present child is feeling. Women are very easy to read as for men you might have to read a book on new additions to the family . Don't worry be happy and things will come together in time. Good Luck and a big hug to you all

Answer 8

Us women are very emotional creatures you have to realize he isn't feeling what you are.
However I'm sure once the child is in his arms he will feel connected.
Try to include him as much as you can. Ask his opinion. But perhaps non stop talk about the baby and you and aches and pains and on and on...you get the picture us women are all about us sometimes. We don't mean to be but lets face it a child inside is exciting.

Answer 9

Just wait to the child comes and he sees the baby for the first time. He will see how much this child needs him. My husband was the same way. Good Luck and God Bless You and Yours.

A prayer will not hurt either!!!!!

Answer 10

did you ever stop and think he might be scared that he wont be a good father or maybe he is worried about the next 18 years being there with a child raising it providing food and shelter..

give him time when the baby comes you will probably notice a big difference