Should I be considering divorce?

Question

My husband and I aren't getting along right now. I feel like I am not loved or appreciated. He pays the rent and buys the groceries. He is good with the kids. We don't agree on how he should talk to them, but he is very good to them. He and I don't go anywhere together. We don't talk about things that I feel are very important. We don't sleep in the same bed most nights. I am very overweight and I don't feel sexy at all. He makes off-handed comments about my weight or my body. Am I just being overly sensitive? Should I just be counting my blessings that I have someone who will pay bills compared to some people who have no one at all?

Answer 1

Think about it this way. Is he the kind of man you would want your daughter to marry? (assuming you have daughters) If you stay married to a man who does not respect you, you are showing your children that respecting yourself is not important. Then you will be setting up a precedent that will continue in your family for generations. Maybe your mother and father had the same type of relationship? I am thinking maybe not because you are not happy with the way you are being treated by your spouse. How you treat you and how you allow others to treat you will always be remembered by your children.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You both have a lot of work to do but you can make it work. Communication is the key.. talking openly and honestly with a calm and even tone of voice with out being overly emotional.

You need to sit down and talk about it like adults.. if not try counseling with either a marraige counselor a pastor etc. Do not give up until you have exhausted all other alternatives and techniques to heal and improve your marriage.

The truth remains we are all the same people inside no matter what we weigh... heavy fat fluffy or way skinny.. you will still be you and he will still be him and the problems will probably still be there. If he is that vain about looks then that is sad.

I would not use your weight as an excuse or a focus. He needs to love you as you and you can and should ONLY lose weight for you and you alone and not anyone else. All of these people telling you that yea it is your weight is a bunch of crap.

I am very heavy have a wonderful husband and we have a beautiful daughter he pays ALL the bills and takes care of us and the weight Has never once been the problem.. all guys are not the same.. but you both can work through this. DO not let weight be a crutch or an excuse to get off of the real issues.

Answer 3

I would not suggest you to do it or not to --it is you life soooo you make that decision--but about you and your husband the sleeping in separate rooms is not a good idea at all.. what ever the case may be --that is how you both have came to be so much apart from each other--as husband and wife it is normal to disagree some times but what ever the disagreement may be you should work it out before you go to bed at night ,so neither one of you is upset with the other one --part of being married is having the person you love next to you every night that is how you stay close to them...physically and emotionally....now you mention weigh that you are not happy with it --well our bodies change with time --you also mention kids... may be the weigh gain is a result of those lovely kids ---before you had them you probably were very attractive but as a result giving your husband a family your body changed ----he has to be aware of this --you gave him his children sooo he has to give you a break --if you haven't had your children you probably would still have that young looking body soo talk to him about those thing----take care and good luck..and sure you are attractive you are just too hurst with your own judgment>>>

Answer 4

Hi Dyetanya W,
Your body is your temple. When you start with yourself first, all other things will fall into place.
No, you are not being overly sensitive. It hurts to have someone you love think less of you and to verbally express it.
Do: Take the time to figure out how you want to live a healthy life. (Spiritually,Emotionally,Physically and Happily)
Do: Find what you need to do to achieve a healthy weight for your body type. (Stick to it)
Maybe consider a personal trainer for support and motivation!
Do: Model the appropriate verbal behaviors towards your children in front of your husband instead having an altercation with him.
Do:Focus your attention in creating a peaceful environment for your family. (organization is the key to simpling your life, thus creating peace)
Do: Take time for yourself!!!!!! Just to think and breathe
Do: Express your feelings to your husband
IE (I feel really sad/hurt when I am called @#$!#$ about my body)
Count your blessings for the having breath in your body, healthy children and a marriage to restore. Be strong and know that you can do all things through Christ Jesus!! Pray to him and ask for his guidance.

Answer 5

You don't say how old you are, that would have helped. As we get a little more age on us, many of us put on a few pounds. As both partners in a marriage do this together or just having the more years together, it's usually not such a big deal but when your still young or relatively young and the wife puts on some weight, it can be quite devastating to a man. In his mind, he still wants to be married to that sweet, young, thin woman he married. He finds all this fat quite detestable but he can't come right out and tell you this. He does still love you. So he says things to hopefully give you the idea without actually having to tell you. He probably sees it as, you don't love him enough to keep yourself looking nice for him. In a way you are both in the wrong. He, for not being more understanding and you for not trying harder to stay that woman he married,.

Answer 6

At this point no i do not feel that you should be considering divorce. You need to sit down with him though and tell him how you feel and that it bothers you when he makes these kind of comments about you. You also may want help and counseling as well. He actually seems like a good husband . Things just have to be worked on is all!

Answer 7

Work on yourself. work on yourself from the inside out not the outside in. Gain some self-worth and know that you are worth attention and love regardless of your size. Having said that...if you are unhapppy with your appearance and you are ready, try a program like weight watchers. I know a woman who lost 50 lbs in 7 months and she is keeping it off, but you have to be ready, otherwise you will get discouraged. As far as the divorce, I'd wait until you get yourself together before making any rash decisions, unless he is the reason you don't have yourself together. Just keep your chin up and know that YOU ARE A PERSON no matter what your size.

Answer 8

The best way to conquer this is to take care of yourself first. If you dont like the comments your husband makes about your weight, then start losing it and you will feel sexy once more especially if you see the change. Once it happens, see if your husband would have a change in his outlook towards you. If not, then you should seek counseling for the sake of your kids. Good Luck

Answer 9

Okay, I've been through divorce. I'm a kid, and it's really hard to deal with that. Most of the time the kids will feel like it's their fault, I know I did. If you can, try to work things out with your husband to spare yourself and the kids from a bit of depression. It's hard being out on your own after being married, i get this message from my mom all the time, even though she's remarried now.

Answer 10

I would refocus on myself if i were you.

I would work on losing the weight and not think about him at all.

If you lose the weight and get that struggle out of your way, you will clear your mind.

Maybel you will realize that you don't love him anymore. Or maybe you will realize that it was the weight and it's affect on your esteem that drove him away, or maybe you will still get a divorce, but will be in a better position having lost the weight, than being divorced, overweight, and without anywhere to turn to.