I am recently separated from my husband of almost 8 years. He is a diagnosed bipolar who refuses to take his meds. About a month ago he came home and revealed to me that he was unhappy. He then proceeded to move into his parents home, and informed me as soon as he could save the money he would be filing for a divorce. We have three small children all under the age of 7. He has already moved on romantically in all truth he did so before moving out I've come to find out recently. I am now looking for a job as I was a stay at home mother during our marriage. I'm not looking to jump right into a relationship right now, but I'm just wondering what my chances are of finding love down the road. How many men honestly would want someone with three small children? I love my children with all my heart and wouldn't begin to think about starting a relationship with someone who could not grow to love my kids....any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated...
2006-06-10 08:03:30 · 34 answers · asked by Amber T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People give such good advice...NOT. First things first...YOUR KIDS! It's great you love them with all your heart, so why do you want to put them through another potentially BAD relationship? I mean, look at your track record on picking men so far. Do not enter into a relationship now or until your kids are grown! Man, doesn't ANYONE listen to Dr. Laura! You need to raise your children FIRST. Your # 1 Priority is YOUR CHILDREN. You won't get lonely...YOU HAVE CHILDREN. You can't focus on YOUR CHILDREN, if your running around trying to catch a man. You have already put your CHILDREN through enough drama, by jumping into a relationship with an unhealthy man...how do you know you won't make the same mistake again?
Don't act so NEEDY. You haven't even gotten out of this relationship yet and you're already worried about the next man. Aren't you Strong enough to make it without another damn man! Good grief
2006-06-10 08:49:29 · answer #1 · answered by mslorikoch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had almost the identical situation happen - 3 kids, bipolar hubby with a cheating problem, stay at home mom, everything you mentioned.
I have been on my own for 3 years or so now. It has been a rough road, but I wouldn't change a thing. I found a decent job, a cheaper then most sitter (for a little bit anyway, until I could get on my feet), and then love. The first relationship didn't work out. But eventually I found someone that can make me happy. Don't worry, you will get lots off offers. Just remember that you deserve the best now and you have the right to be picky. Don't settle for some loser because you think that is all you can get. You will be very suprised with how many men out there really don't mind the children...in fact the women are worse with their judgements.
I wish I could talk to you more. I think I could help with some of what you are going through. Message me or something - send me an email.
2006-06-10 08:17:49 · answer #2 · answered by J S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have lots of answers and I read them all. I think the point wise answer of unsureofwhat was very straightforward and I liked the answer.
From my side I can say I dont know what the Bi Polar thing is - but it must be a medical condition he can not control. So forgive the chap because he is the father of your children. Since he wants to save enough money of the divorce - means that you will get some sort of a settlement and custody of the children. So you have to first step out on your own and perhaps do without many things you think they need. So be strong. You will get a job I am sure - but it means that you will have to study everything about the job you get to be able to be successful at it. So start the study right after getting the job - and you will see that you can do better than the best. Take care and all the best from a stranger who has empathy for you who are a stranger to him. And love will find you - be sure of that since you appear a decent and kind person.
2006-06-10 08:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by DemonInLove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't jump into anything to quickly. You have to rediscover who you are as an individual. When you feel ready, don't get married until you have seen the type of relationship the new man has with your children. This does not happen in a day, it may take 1 year or even more. Don't follow your heart, it lies. use cognitive reasoning and logic. Try to anticipate the obstacles. Pretend your choosing a new car and you have all the time you need and plenty of money. Then you just find the car with every thing you want, and it will service you well. Just remember, there has to be room in the back for 3 kid. If not, don't buy this car. Move forward carefully and thoughtfully and good luck.
The time between my 1st and 2nd was 8 years. I had a blast.
2006-06-10 08:15:57 · answer #4 · answered by toegummer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you will find (love again) it more a question on what terms you will find it and not (IF)
I suggest you start reading a few book's and possable consider meeting with a counciler.
His Needs, Her Needs, By Willard harley Jr. is a good one to start with.
This will help you understand (what went wrong in the marriage) because while your husband may be (bipolar) that does not mean he was 100% at fault.
Second I suggest learning about (love languages) the book by Chapman called The 5 Love Languages can help with this.
And lastley I suggest reading a book called
Smart Love By Dr. Phil McGraw
This will help you more once your divorce is finalized. it can help you analize what your ( wants and what your NEEDS) are and how to prescreen men better for long term relationships. ( afterall if you new someone was Bipolar why would you try helping someone who can not be helped) even if they taking medication just one bad day can throw them into a down hill slide.
The counciling would be the most important part in my honest opinion.
First a counciler can prepare you for what lies ahead. weather it's divorce, seperation or a lenghtly fight to save your marriage your going to need the emotional support of someone who is ( ACTUALLY NEUTRAL) having friends call your huby a bum is actually the worse thing you can have around you right now. because all they will do is warp your outlook, and create more negitivity. but it's your life your the one who has to live with the consiquences of your actions.
May God Almighty be a rock in your life and may he send his spirit and fill your life with grace, peace and the support you need to meet the challenges ahead.
Take Care.
2006-06-10 08:29:30 · answer #5 · answered by Sully 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you get a job & file for divorce yourself, take care of you kids and work on your self for a while. It's obvious your a mess right now. Youve got a Cheating Bi-polar hubby, no job, no money. probably depressed, angry, bitter. You don't need to be looking for a man for several years. With the emptions you have going through you right now, your judgement will not be what it should. And being a guy myself, I know the real jerks are the only guys who chase after disfunctional women. Get your life back together, work out the grief of a failed relationship, get mentally healthy...then you will be strong enough mentally to use better judgement when picking you next mate. Give at least 5 years before you jump in with both feet.
2006-06-10 09:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can say for you "Good Bye to bad rubbish" life will go on and you will find that someone special.
1. Never date a guy without telling him you have children.
2. Never put a man before your children.
3. Never introduce the children to a date.
4. Never bad mouth dad no matter what.
5. Once you find a guy and date them for awhile
6. Then introduce them.
7. Last thing you want is for them to like a guy and you move on so they become confused more.
8. Not always but at least one night a week have quality time you all share together.
9. DO NOT GO OUT WITH A MAN WHO DOESN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN FIRST.
If he doesn't like or love your kids he is NOT worth having.
Never choose a man over them.
I also said when I too was in your shoes, if your kids love him and he loves them, hold on tight to him.
2006-06-10 08:11:25 · answer #7 · answered by young at heart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, look for an older man, they will be better with the 3 kids. Not many younger men like under 35 want to jump into a relationship with a woman and her 3 kids. Looking for a divorced dad with his own kids is probably best, look your halfway to the brady bunch, so look for a guy with the last name brady.
Best of luck
Keep this in mind, many guys under 35 will say they are okay with the kids so they can sleep with you. As soon as the kids start asking questions they will get frustrated and take off. Many people without kids just cant understand the stress kids can create.
2006-06-10 08:08:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a single mom of two young kids and my advice is to definately take time out for yourself while you get used to being on your own. being a mom is hard even when youre married - being a single mom can be harder because its difficult to find time for YOU. so concentrate on that and when you are ready, i hope you find someone that deserves you and vice versa :)
i met my bf over a year ago by chance - i was on holiday and went out with old friends and literally bumped into him on the street haha. we have been together ever since and he is amazing! totally different than anyone i have ever known and everything i ever wanted from a relationship - but i had lost my hopes along the way after a cruddy marriage and long-term relationship after that. he had the same thing - bad marriage and long relationship too - almost the same time frame and everything! so we both found what we really wanted in each other and its been going amazing. im very happy and he is fab with the kids, so YES it can happen!! just concentrate on yourself and the kids for awhile. i was single for almost exactly a year before i bumped into my bf and even if it took longer to find him than that, i could never be happier!
good luck in your life!
2006-06-10 16:30:02 · answer #9 · answered by Kez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I know where you are coming from, and my heart goes out to you! In January, my husband of 19 years just told me that he is "done", I have three kids to, ages 11, 14, and 15...mine are a little older which makes it a bit easier than your young ones - which is very unfortunate. Anyway, I myself have been told, that this has happened for a reason, that "the man upstairs" is putting us through a "test", and that as long as you have faith and pray each day....he will come "our" way! I am literally starving for a relationship, because I have been without one for years, actually, even while married! I am with you girfriend, and don't be afraid to ask your family doctor for antidepressants....they can really help...do not be ashamed....you need to be there for your little ones!
2006-06-10 08:30:35 · answer #10 · answered by BabsinPA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋