he's been cheating with this one woman for months but won't divorce me.wants me to sleep with him but i can't. also he is a SWINGER. sick huh!the woman knows of me but does not care.
2006-06-10 07:57:20 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being a swinger in and of itself is not sick, it's personal preference. Of course, he shouldn't be cheating on you, or swinging if you're not okay with it. Get a lawyer and divorce him right now- yes, as I'm typing this. You and your kids deserve better.
2006-06-10 08:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by Not Allie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband isn't a swinger he is a cheater. for a person to be a swinger he and his life partner or sleeping with other people together. Your husband can't be a swinger by himself. And there is no reason for payback, we are adult and that will only make it worse. get a divorce you said he doesn't want to give you one but in a case as this where he is out right cheating and having affairs you have ground for a sole divorce or separation, which is when there are ground for a divorce but only one party (the one that is being cheated on) wants one. get a lawyer and know your options especially since you have children. Do you want them to grow up believing that this is normal and a part of a healthy relationship. And trust if you aren't happy it is killing your kids as well.
2006-06-10 08:13:41 · answer #2 · answered by LoTs2ShArE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you wise up and document it. That way when its divorce time you can have the house, cars, kids, and the dog. Documentation is key here. Your husband sounds like a dirtbag. What are you doing still sticking around? Your kids are not stupid and they will figure everything out by the time they are 16. If you can get out now I would do it. Go to a lawyer and get divorce papers written up.
Look lady, how many lives do you have? That is what I thought. I know you are suffering right now, and thats not fair to your kids who see it in your reaction, as well as yourself. If you stick around you will continue to be unhappy. Why would you want to live like that. When you die you dont really know what happens, and life is short. Stop staying with a loser. Take everything he has and walk away. it will be the best revenge you can have.
If you really want to start over, sell his car for some insane amount of money like 1000 dollars, then blow it shopping at the mall. He cant do anything becasue you are married and whats yours is his and vice versa. If you can sell anything else before you take off do that too. It will give you some extra money when you start over.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THIS....
2006-06-10 08:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First...payback word should be out of your vocabulary. You will pay for anything rash that you do.
Then...consider the pro&con of your husband. Is he a loving, caring family man, a provider vs a cheater(maybe mid-life crisis)
Then...Is a divorce an option as sugested by other readers? Think of the consequences. Easy for me to advice you of such but you will be the one to face life again(solo) against the sex maniacs out there.
Then...think that many couples today over 30/40 years of matrimony have had their up & down. Don't they survive it? It's only your turn to fight and overcome.
Then...consider that negative circonstances in life are not forever but a wrong reaction to them maybe destructive for many years to come. We live in a world of fast pace and we expect everything to come microwave but when it comes to family, take time to resolve the problem with a "cool" head. Good luck.
2006-06-10 09:11:46 · answer #4 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, why would u be with him if he is hurting the relationship? I don't think u r the one to stay with the kids while he goes out distributing his sperms. I know its hurting and u care abt the kids but u r emotionally being abused and you are not doing anything about it. So why not separate and let the kids know whats going on. Whether you hide or not the truth will one day hit your kids on their faces. So what you can you do for the sake of your own happiness. Remember that everyday you are stressed and sad is an inch towards getting older. so why you getting older fast coz of someone's else's carelessness?
2006-06-10 08:31:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good way to get back at him? LEAVE! that is the only way. you should not be letting yourself be in this relationship. kids under 18 should be even more of a reason to leave because they are seeing, whether you think they are or not, that its 'okay' to cheat and that the woman has to sit back and take it. my parents stayed together just for my brother and i and it was truly the worst thing for them to do because we grew up having no clue what a real marriage should be like and both went straight into really bad, controlling relationships when we were 18. we repeated the cycle all over again... do you want that to happen to your children? when i had a son from my marriage, i realised that i did NOT want him to see me living like that and being treated like crap so i left when he was a baby. i ended up in yet another relationship that wasnt too great, but felt trapped because i had another baby and didnt want yet another child to be without their father.. but i ended up leaving before she was two. i would rather them see me HAPPY and on my own than unhappy in a relationship. it teaches them nothing.
2006-06-10 16:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by Kez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the best remady for this situation is to take control.
First thing you need to do is ( BE NICE )
yes being nice lets him know your emotionally in control of your self. he expects you to be angry, yell and scream. what he does not expect is kindness.
a man who like to exercise control like this expects you to just grin and take this kind of crap.
Now you need to remind him that you are a person also.
NEXT contact an atty. and a Investagator. have him followed and get hard evidance of his affair. then have him served with divorce papers. and papers asking him to leave the house. of a PPO. ( personal protection order )
This shows him your serious. and that your not going to take his crap any longer.
Next during the divorce proceedings demand you both attend counciling. ( this is for your benefit. HE WILL HATE THIS) plus it will allow you to get the complete truth. it also makes him respond to your actions. IF he does not attend he is in comtemp of court and all kinds of fun things happen then.
Next politely state no more sex. he is getting plenty from other sources and you do not need to get an STD from his stupidity. If you chose to have sex with him require him to furnish you with a complete STD checkup, and a 6mo follow up. after all if he is sleeping around you now do not know if you can trust him.
For the time being be single and proud. if you choose to regain your marriage and piss the other woman off it's a long rocky road to regaining the trust it doable but ofly if your willing to do the work. ( and your going to be working your *** off if you do. +( sorry but it will also hurt never let him see how he hurt you.
Also read the following books
His Needs, Her Needs, By Willard harley jr. ( About affairs ) be armed with knowedge.
The 5 Love Languages, Chapman
The Bible ( new testament By apoltle Paul
Smart love By Dr. Phil Mcgraw
May God grant you strenth for the road ahead,
2006-06-10 08:42:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont lower yourself just to get even with him. Document your proof about his cheating, go see a lawyer, (1st consultation is free), and free yourself of him. Move on with your life. When you are ready for love again and a relationship, the right guy will be there for you. As far as the kids, any guy in his right mind would love you and the whole package as well.
2006-06-10 08:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by mailbox1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire yourself an attorney and let the attorney prove to him that you can get a divorce without his permission. As for wanting to get in your pants...the only thing he needs to be reaching into his pants for when it comes to you is his wallet to pay child support. That woman he's messing around with thinks and acts just like him. The important thing is that you don't, you have higher morals than that.
2006-06-10 10:19:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get evidence on his being disloyal towards your marriage and file for divorse.
Once I saw this TV serial where people could approach this company and they would track their cheating spouces and everything would be on tape. They showed how they tracke them down and pinned the person infront of the accusing spouse. (though i've forgotted the name of the serial).
On second thoughts, I would only suggest you to approach a good lawyer and ask him to do the needful in-order to get a divorse in place.
Wish you well.
Take care.
2006-06-10 08:44:36 · answer #10 · answered by chlschr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋